Nervous about raising a girl!?

Question

I have just found out that I am having a girl and whilst I am so pleased she is healthy I have real concerns about raising her.

I had a terrible time as a teenager with low self-estem (still do) and I am concerned she will get my genes and get all my ugly traits (I am no oil painting and am so bloody hairy!). I have a 4 year old boy and I dont have any of these concerns with him.

I have a bad relationship with my mum and I just dont want it to be the same - I really am freaking out about it.

Any tips on raising a girl - I want her to be confident and open with me and I have no goos experiences to draw on. How can I be a good mum to a girl?

Answer 1

Keep your lines of communication open. Encourage her in what she does well. Tell her you will always be there for her, but set boundaries and stay in charge. Read some general parenting books, and some parenting books on raising girsl (such as Queen Bees and Wanna Bees) and combine the knowledge. You can do it! Everyone wants to keep their kids from having a hard time, but life is sometimes just hard, whether you are a boy or a girl. The key is being an open, available parent who is in charge, but listens to their kids and talks to them about the tough stuff in a way that is open, nonjudgmental, and as unembarrassing as possible.

Answer 2

Most likely you have low self esteem for a reason. Was your mother mean to you saying you were not pretty? If so, learn from the mistakes that your mother made. If your daughter has put on a few pounds or she is not the most beautiful girl in the world make her feel like she is.
When my wife approached me a few years ago, about starting a family I freaked out. My father was a horrible role model, he was verbally abusive and I thought that was how I was going to turn out to be be as a dad. Well my wife and I have a beautiful eight month old daughter, and I am a great dad with none of the traits my father had. You may have some of the traits as your parents, but you control your parenting and you will be a very good mother to your daughter.

Answer 3

Girls and boys really aren't that different to rear, both take lots of TLC and need discipline at the same time.
Be sure that she knows at all times how much you love her-whatever your mom did to you, take your own cues on and try to approach it differently. Be positive, every little mistake you make isn't going to make her a bad person-it's the big ones that you really have to worry about and you already have a lead on that because you have a healthy, happy 4 year old who loves you more than anything else in the world. Be sure that she knows how beautiful you thnk she is and how proud you are of her everyday; making her a confident adult is important, but at the same time, you have to ensure that she's not a conceited, snotty little brat!
There's no way she'll turn out just like you-she has a loving, caring mom who cares enough about her to ask questions as to how she can make her better. Your childhood has given you a great window of opportunity as to how NOT to treat your daughter, so take those steps and try to change that with her...I think that you'll find that you're not still that insecure little girl that your mother raised.
Good luck and congrats on your baby girl!

Answer 4

If there's a silver lining to having a bad relationship with your mother, it's that you got a front row seat for what NOT to do for your daughter. You won't need to read a book or anything. You'll know from experience what didn't work for your mother. Treat your daughter the way you would like to have been treated and you'll be fine.

I do have one piece of specific advice. Make sure you don't voice any concerns about your own body image in front of your daughter. This will cause her to doubt her own body image, and she'll always feel inferior. As much as I often feel fat (and almost every woman I know feels fat), I always refrain from saying anything negative about my body (or anyone else's) around my kids, so they don't think that the body and external appearances are overly important. If you teach them to look at what's inside a person, you need to model this behavior yourself.

So, chin up, you are going to do great! Do not freak out. You more than anyone else knows exactly which pitfalls to avoid.

Congrats!

Answer 5

All teenagers go through that to some degree. There are sonme things that you can do to try to lessen the degree of self-esteem through middle and high school. Ensure that you and her Dad compliment her and do not put her down. Get her involved in activities: dance, sports, girl scouts. Be involved with her school and schoolwork, ensuring that she is doing the best that she can do. Have your entire family deeply involved in a church. I have found that these things will smooth those awkward years. Your daughter will suprise you, my daughter often lifts my spirits, keeps me on track, and often has a different approach of looking at things that I ever had. I have learned from her, since she was 2, now she is 10.

Bless you and your daughter

Answer 6

You will be a great mom....just learn from the mistakes in your past that you dont want to happen to you...Your a different person if you raise her differently then what your mom raised you I'm sure you'll do fine. I have two girls and love them to death! Do you still have low self esteem? Did your mom make you feel that way? Your relationship with your mom has no impact on your children....its the impact on you from your mom that your kids will have to deal with. Just love her and understand her make her feel like she can do anything she sets her mind to. Play dress up with her have tea parties with her take naps with her......Girls are sooooo nice to have cause when they grow up into young ladies your still their friends that they can run to for help and guidence. Just be there for her in any way!

Answer 7

I surely have 2 little females and our 0.33 is coming this Friday! My 2 females are 2 a million/2 and four years old. I additionally grew up with 2 sisters and 3 brothers. regrettably there is not any thank you to enhance your little ones to be close, this is something which will ensue for sure if this is meant to be. i'm sooo happy my 2 are terrific acquaintances... for now, haha. They sleep jointly, devour jointly, bathe jointly. they are misplaced without one yet another and that i'm so happy I had them close in age, even nevertheless human beings informed me it may be so problematic. there are a number of extra professional's than cons. purely form of dreading the highschool years :) My sisters and that i are close, in spite of the age hollow. My older sister is 5 years older than me and my little sister is 10 years youthful.

Answer 8

Parenting girl is just like parenting a boy, you love them unconditionally, and do everything for the purpose of teaching them love and how to love.

Girls learn self esteem from the love of their parents, and they learn about their value as a woman from their fathers.

Theyre more emotional than boys, obviously, but its still the same idea. You love her, you punish her when she needs it.

A lot of it has to do with you. If you dont know how to be beautiful in your own skin, how can you teach her how to be? You have to be delivered of your own insecurities so that you can better teach her.

Love her, teach her she is, and how to be, beautiful, and make sure her father is a strong male role model in her life.

Answer 9

You're going to be a great Mom because your heart is in the right place. Love your daughter like only a mother can.....love her unconditionally and be her biggest supporter. Dad's love counts a lot too.

As far as your past......that's where it's at.......in the past. Live in the "now". You are a blessed person with a great son and now will have a great daughter.

Answer 10

I was the same, just a bad relationship with my dad instead, and now I have both a boy and a girl, I'm crazy about both of them, in the end you'll be the mom you want to be.