How can I get a TREMENDOUS amount of stress off my chest? I'm only 14....?

Question

This is going to be an extremely long question, so please hold all answers until I say I'm done. Alright: Well, lately, I've been stressing a LOT. I'm going to try to sum it up into groups for you to better understand.

Parent's divorce: About a year ago, my parents got divorced, and as you can imagine, that was tough on my 12 year old sister and I (I'm a guy).

Dad: My dad was against the idea and hates my mom for it, venting his anger by telling us in the car all the reasons why he hates her.

Mom remarried: My mom got remarried about a month ago to a nice guy who I'm proud to call my stepdad, but this was unusual to me.

Finances: We found out only a week before school started that we couldn't go to our Christian school for life, a big shock for us.

Mom pregnant: I found out only today that my 41 year old mom is going to be having another baby, this deeply shocked my sister and I. My sister is still coming to terms with reality here.

I'm now worried about how my mom is going to afford the new baby, her health, the baby's health, and everything else that comes with a baby. We were instructed by our mom not to tell our dad yet, because he will overreact and constantly question my sister and I about this baby, when we don't want that.

New school: Since we couldn't go to our old Christian school this year, I'm going to a public high school for the first time, my sister to a public junior high. Before we started school, I was eager to go, she wasn't. Now that we've been there, I don't like my school, she likes hers. I started last Monday, wasn't there Tuesday, and left early in the morning Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday for sickness. I have BARELY been in classes, don't know anyone except a few 10th graders who I only see in band, and am worried about what people will think of me, being made fun of, etc. My sister is doing fine with her school, I'm not with mine.

Sister: My sister does not want the new baby and thinks my mom made a mistake, but will still love the baby. She is very distraught and I'm worried about her emotionally and as well as my mom's emotions; she feels like she's ruining our lives. I'm trying to put a brave face on for my mom and sister, but I'm hurting on the inside, I just don't like talking about my feelings to anyone.

I think this about covers what I'm going through. I can sometimes distract myself from the stress, but as soon as I'm alone again, I'm stressed out. I can't find a way to get rid of this stress, and don't know what to do. Help?

When I was talking about my sister: She didn't want my mom to have another baby, but that doesn't mean that once the baby is born she won't love it and love my mom. I'm just saying that if she had a choice before all of this, she would've kept our family the same. Don't get me wrong on that.

I'm done.

Good first answer, but I actually wasn't "playing" sick. I had a stomach virus even a week before school and couldn't get appropriate medicine until Thursday.

Answer 1

Wow that is a Lot for a boy your age. First of all I am sorry that your parents are not handling their divorce as well as they should... Your father should not be unloading onto you or your sister all of his complaints against your mother and your mother shouldn't be asking you to keep a secret from your Dad. If you can I think you need to tell each of your parents that this is stuff between them and they need to leave you out of it. You need to tell them how it is affecting you.
About school, give it time. High school sucks for a lot of people when they first start and I know it must be a huge change for you going from a private christian school to public. But I will say you can't play sick forever ( believe me I have tried ) If you can make one freind you will be so much happier. Best of luck to you and I will be thinking good thoughts for you!
I think you should tell your MOM or DAD that you need to see a counselor, also I think you should see if the school has a counselor and talk to them about it all

Edit: Why don't you print out what you worte here and give it to both your mom and your dad and your stepdad so they can know how you and your sister feel

Answer 2

Woah. That is a lot of stuff to go through! I have to say though, please don't hate me for the answers >I< give you, because they will probably differ from that of others. I have been through a similar experience so I think it is fair to say I have an idea how you feel.
First, your parents are very selfish. Sorry. My parents were, also, and berated each other constantly, and I found it hard to believe anything either of them were saying after a while. That should never be done no matter how much they irritated each other.
Second, it sounds like your mom has a handful of issues of her own. She divorced your dad, making him angry, and then ges remarried so soon? And now she's pregnant? ??!!??
Third, you can't go to your school because of your parents, I assume; the breakup has financially strapped them. Why on earth your mother and father would do that to you I have no idea. And then there is another baby on the way. I have nothing against babies but if you can't take care of the kids you have properly, why would you have more?
You are a young person trying to make sense of what your parents have done. You're more grown up than they are. Everything will work out. :)

Answer 3

You have to put these stressors into proper perspective. First off, you must know that there is NOTHING about the divorce, the re-marriage, and the baby that is in your control. So what can you control? Your success at your new school. It doesn't sound like you've given it a proper chance. Go to school, and make a couple of friends, and everything else should get a little easier because you'll finally have someone to talk to. Right now you're panicked because everything fell on you at a bad time. The best thing you can do is try to have a normal life in spite of everything else. If your school has a mental health councelor, make a couple of appts and talk with him/her. Make your new/different life as good as possible, that will help you deal with the changes. Good luck!

Answer 4

Hi,

What a question...

First, forget about money problems, your Mom, your Dad, your step Dad and the baby.

You cannot do anything about any of those problems.
In the car with your Dad sit there dumb and plug in your MP3 and tell your sister to do the same, if you stop answering he will stop asking questions.

Your sister has fitted in fine at her school so that just leaves your school.

You will have to make the effort and go. You have no control over any of the other problems so forget them. Try to make friends and settle in.

Once school is running better you will feel less stressed straight away.

You have to understand that everyone has a place in this world and everyone has certain responsibilities.

All the worries and concerns that you have mentioned are other peoples responsibilities your turn to handle similar problems will come later in life.

NOW IS NOT YOUR TIME SO TRY NOT TO INTERFERE OR WORRY.

Skip

Answer 5

You seem to be facing some heavy duty stressors, none of which a child should have to face. Although these events affect your life tremendously, it is important for you to realize that you hd nothing to do with your parents' problems, just like you had nothing to do with Katrina and millions of people losing their homes. In Army parlance, you and your sister were collateral damage - you weren't the target of the divorce, but you were affected by the fallout.
I think you should concentrate on what it is you have to do in school. You don't have to be the most popular kid in school. You should seek to get by socially. You will eventually make friends, and good friends. People who do not seek popularity are more interested to having good relationships than how they look to other people. That is what is more important in life. Hih school is more than what it is made out to be. What people become in life has little to do with how they were in high school. Look forward and make progress seeking to find out about yourself and your interests so that you will know what to do later.
Don't get to involved in your parents' feelings toward each other. If your father or mother want to talk about the other parent, try to ask if they are interested in you or your sister.
Your mother's health and the baby's health is in God's hands - and the doctors. Many older woman have babies that are healthy. The baby will add stress to your situation I am sure, but keep trying to do what you have to do. Do your part and have faith that the rest will work out. Hopefully it will work out well for you and your sister. Peace be with you. Pray and learn to relax and/or meditate to help think things through and stay calm. Seek counseling in school to give you strategies o succeed.

Answer 6

Wow, poor you. Usually people on have to go through one of these life-changing events at a time and for you they occurred all at once, which is enough to even make the most confident and smartest person around feel extremely stressed. Did you have a lot of friends at your old school, or even just one or two close ones? If so call them up and ask them to hang out. They'll appreciate that you care and it'll lift some weight off your shoulders. The next step is to step into your new school with confidence. I think (maybe) the reason you were sick was because you were making yourself sick from the stress (it's happened before to me too). I think the first person you should talk to is the school counselor. Yeah I know it sounds cheesy but they could help you figure out your classes and get involved with activities once you feel more comfortable there. I know that the only people you know are in band but just try and be friends with them and nicely ask them to introduce you into their group of friends, or some people that they think you'd get along with. I know it may seem intimidating at first, but once you have a few friends to talk to it'll make everything else easier. The next step would be to try and make lasting friendships and get your grades up as high as they were (if not higher) as your old school. If you play any sports, do any instruments, or any other activities, see if you can get involved in them. If you've never done any of these ask your classmates or teacher what clubs they have at your school and join one that sounds interesting to you. I know it may seem hard at first but after a couple months if you try and fit in and make friends the school aspect of your stress will be much lighter. Be sure to keep in touch with your friends from your old school too because I'm sure they wont want to lose you as a friend. The next is your parent's divorce. Once you've gotten some confidence from school talk to your dad about how you understand he doesn't like your mother any longer, but that he shouldn't talk about her to you and your sister. If he gets mad, yells, or even hits you, (which I hope he doesn't) then tell your mom, because you don't deserve to have him take his anger out on you. I know its hard that your mom is having a kid, and honestly I don't think it's the best decision after just getting divorced. It is a big shock and things will change but you should help your mom out with the newborn as much as possible. Babies are very stressful but I'm sure you'll be ecstatic when he/she starts walking, or when you teach them to play a sport. It's really a great feeling when a younger sibling looks up to you (like your sister). Anyways I think I covered pretty much everything and I wish you the best. However, if you become depressed and can't get out of it by yourself the best thing is to talk to an adult or your doctor or counselor, because some things are too hard to handle by yourself (believe me, I've tried)

Answer 7

Wow kiddo. You've got a lot on your plate. I'm going to try and keep this simple. It is apparent that there was stuff going with your parents a lot longer than just a year ago.

Your dad is going through a very natural yet complicated stage in his life. Unfortunately, he is trying to use you and your sister to pacify some of his emotional needs. The best thing you can do is to tell him that you will be there to support him in whatever way you can but that he is making you uncomfortable with the situation that he is putting you in.

As for your mom, she is at very least partly to blame for putting you through the complications of you parents divorce. It is unfair for her to expect you to keep quiet (essentially you are being asked to lie) to your father. If she mentions it again, tell her as much. Let her know that this is not fair that you are having to bear her burden and that she needs to tell your dad sooner than later. Hopefully she, realizes the position she put you in and rectifies the situation.

I wish I could tell you that things would get easier from this point but with all the complications here, things are going to get worse before they get better. With regards to being in a new school, it sucks but it will get better. I can promise you that much. In the mean time, use your studies as an escape from the chaos in your life. It is a lot easier in the short term to try and rebel by not doing your school work but this will only hurt YOU in the long run. Join some clubs at school, play sports or get involved in extra-ciricular activites as a way of meeting people and helping your self academically. In a few short years you will be able to go to college and have the time of your life. Just don't sell your long term plans short to take the easy way out now.

Well, that wasn't as simple or as compact as I had hoped but I hope you get the overall message. Take care of your self and your sis and let your parents sort out their own mess. Don't be afraid to let them know when something they are doing is bothering you. They will respect you for it. If they don't they are just being selfish.

Answer 8

First, you don't need to worry about how your mom is going to afford the new baby and all that comes with that, that is your mom's and step-dad's worry. There will be enough.
New school stress, remember to breath and be yourself. You will make friends before long.
I'm sorry you have to listen to your dad "dissing" your mom. It is not appropriate for him to be venting on you about her. If you can, next time he starts, ask him to please stop talking that way. Let him know it hurts you to hear him talk that way.
try and be there for your sister. you can't fix anything. all you can do is listen and try and create a life for yourself amongst the chaos of life.
If you find you need someone to talk to, talk to your school counselor or school nurse, or another adult that you trust.
get involved in some physical activities, they are great ways to relieve stress. Ice cream also helps.
Good luck, my thoughts will be with you.