my boyfriend does not like my grandchild?

Question

my boy friend of 18 months is not really fond of children, he has two adult children, whom he rarely has any contact with, my grandaughter starts school tomorrow and today we spent a few hours with her,however my boyfriend has virtually ignored her, this has hurt me a great deal, i am spending tonight in my own home alone. i am beginning to wonder if he has just tolerated her to please me ? i am beginning to wonder if the relation ship has any future?

Answer 1

No.

He only pretended to get with you. A really juvenile thing to do, but then he is a man.

Answer 2

I've read your question three or four times and also some of the answers from the "dump him" brigade but I remain a little confused.
You stated that you have known this man for 18 months and he is not really fond of children, even his own. What remains unclear is whether he can't relate to children ( I can't either ) or to humanity as a whole, as his relationship with his own children has not improved after they reached adulthood.
So, you know he doesnt relate to children, and you've known this for 18 months and yet when he acts to type then its a disaster!
Last week this was a man who you presumably loved and he didnt like children. Today he is a man who you won't sleep with because he doesnt like children!
The child is about to start school, so she is 4 to 5 years old, the relationship is 18 months old, so it is safe to presume that you have seen this behaviour before. Equally important is the 'virtually ignored', I note that its not 'totally ignored', so some effort was made on his part, was that effort made because he cares for you?
The time that you should have been asking this question was 18 months ago, you have made a commitment to a man who doesnt relate to children and he has made a commitment to you. None of us are perfect but to pick a fight about a personality trait that you are fully aware of is akin to saying,'My boyfriend of 18 months has ginger hair and I don't like it, should I change my boyfriend?'
To sum up, this is not a surprise, so why is it important now? I can't help but think that there is much more to this than meets the eye.
Just tell him that next time you will see your grandaughter alone, or consign him to the rubbish bin having wasted 18 months of both of your lives. Or better still open your eyes and your heart and re-read your own question.

Answer 3

Maybe it has more to do with a connection that wasn't there with his own kids. Maybe its just been so long he doesn't know how to relate to one so young. My guess is that he IS tolerating the child because he cares for you. Trust me, if he doesn't like kids enough to make more of an effort you will save yourself many a heartache to end it now. Talk to him first though and let him know how important she is and how hurt you were and give him a chance to redeem himself. If he still ignores or makes no effort--get out now. You can never ever replace or heal a relationship with your grandaughter. You obviously want to be a loving grandmother and close to her and share her life. If a man that is old enough to have grown children is going to be selfish like that...you don't need it!

Your grandaughter will be around a lot longer than he will....Best wishes to you in whatever you decide.

Answer 4

Um...why does he need to have a relationship with your grandchild? I admit, being courteous to her is necessary, and is he's ignoring her to the point of pretending she doesn't exist, you do have a problem. But if he's being polite to her, then I don't see that you have any cause to complain.

I'm not really comfortable around children and am not much interested in having relationships with my dates kids. Most of the time, this is not an issue. I'm polite to them, and we generally amiably tolerate each other. I fail to see what is so selfish about this.

Answer 5

You have answered your own question, He doesn't like to be around kids. look at how He avoids them. You should not have to worry about having your grandchild visit you. If he can't be friendly with her what do you have but a guy that is your opposite. Family matters a lot for you but are an annoyance to him. I don't think anything will change, Your family will be something he would rather avoid. That will be a sore point as long as you are with him.

Answer 6

Well if you are old enough to have a grandchild, I'd have thought you would be old enough to know the answer to this question..

We meet people, we go along, and we see if they fit, if they are right, often something comes up and bang it all falls apart, as something important finds you have polarised opinions, and the relationship just won't work.

You've reached one of those points, he hates kids, or is just too selfish to put up with them, while you have a very important little girl who plays a part in your life... Sounds like a no brainer to me.

Answer 7

Your boyfriend may care a lot for you but this will never work out unless you're willing to give up whatever relationship you have with your grandchildren. I promise you, nobody will be happy. Your friend will make you feel guilty, your grandchildren will miss you and you will be miserable---if he doesn't want to be around them now, he's not going to change. Not only that, your grandchildren won't even want to spend time with you because of him, and that is truely heart-breaking. Get out before it gets too complicated. There's many men that like kids!

Answer 8

if he is not really fond of children, including his own, what would make you think he would like your grand daughter? why are you hurt, it's your grandchild, not his, and you already knew he didn't like children? you can't change him. of course, he tolerated her to please you. it's up to you if you think the relationship has any future. what's more important to YOU your grandchild or your boyfriend? once you can see clearly through what's more important in YOUR life, you'll have your answer. your boyfriend is not being any different than you knew him to be, you can't expect him to change. he is satisfied with his ways. it's you that is not.

Answer 9

You can not change your boyfriend. You need to prioritize your needs/wants in this relationship. If your boyfriend is only tolerating your granddaughter, but you want him to like her, then this relationship is not going to work.

On the other hand, if you want to keep the two separate, then only see your granddaughter without your boyfriend. Under no circumstance should you allow him to disrespect or hurt your granddaughter.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 10

Go ahead and get rid of him before its to late and you never get to see your grandchild again.This man doesnt wont anything to do with his own kids,im sure he will be the same with your family.If you marry him you will be alone because he will make you choose.So the choosing must start now.Its your choice.Noone will ever come between my family ever.

Answer 11

well maybe you should try and include him more in what your doing than just expecting him to jump right in, he may feel pushed out because lets face it your bond with family will always be stronger than it is with him. However if he does not respond to this then i suggest you get away from him before he starts to break apart your relationship with your granddaughter.