Please help..How can I word my wedding invites to state that I do not want children under 13 to be present?

Question

Is it better to state no children, or just no children under 13? I need help and my invites need to go out asap! Thank you!

Thank you all for your wonderful advice! I just wanted to clarify a little bit, my fiance and I do have a child of our own. She is 4 yrs old, and just so happens to be our flower girl...so we are sympathtic to parents.

We would prefer not to have children over 13 present because seating space in our reception hall is limited to 125 and I can think of at least 25 kids that are under the age of 13. (I have a cousin with 4 children, a neighbor with 5 not to include friends and family members that have 3, 2 or 1). Also, beer and wine will be served at our reception and I would just feel much more relaxed without numerous amounts of children there.

I have already printed my invitations, and am actually considering including the wording on our response cards. That was probably misleading in my original question.

Thanks again for all of your help!

Answer 1

Adult Only Ceremony and Reception.

Answer 2

You properly do this not on the invitations, but on the envelopes. It is never correct to mention who is not invited on an invitation, but one must address the envelopes to those invited. You note the names of each family member invited on the inner envelope (and always remember that those over eighteen receive their own invitation even though they still live with their parents) and leave out the name of anyone not invited.

It's helpful if you quietly spread the word in advance that you're going to need to limit the children to those over thirteen due to lack of space before the invitations go out. Then there are fewer surprises and less unhappy parents when the invitations arrive and don't include little Tziphaknee or wee Mordred, even though young Pubert is welcomed.

There will still be those who insist on replying in the affirmative for younger children. Your response to this should be to call and apologize for the confusion, but insist gently that you really cannot accomodate the younger children. Lather, rinse, repeat. Do not argue, do not raise your voice, but do not back down, either.

There is nothing rude in not inviting younger children to your wedding if that is your choice. There is something very rude in attempting to bring uninvited guests of any age to an event that requires a formal invitation.

Answer 3

If it were an ideal world, it would be sufficient to merely NOT invite them. No one would be so presumptuous as to assume that merely because a parent is invited that his or her offspring are also welcome.

For starters, you invite people by name; "and family" or "and guest" wordings are forbidden by both common sense and etiquette. If you want to invite someone's children and don't know their name, find out.

Second, you follow up each invitation with a phone call (these can be made by your helpers and deputies) "to confirm that the invitation was received" and to be ready to take the rsvp information if the guest is ready to give it. By doing your rsvps via phone, you have an opportunity to say "I'm sorry, be we're (they're) not having children" ... OR tell cheap Uncle Dan "No, you may NOT bring your entire extended family for a champagne supper at our expense!"

Extra goods that come from telephoned rsvps are (1) you don't pay to print and stick stamps on those clever little rsvp cars that never seem to get used, or at least not used as you had hoped and (2) people will often ask what sort of gift to get. While it would be unmannerly to bring this up yourself, if they ASK then it's OK to be rather specific in your suggestions.

Congrats and good luck!
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Answer 4

I would include it as a separate note - stating something to the effect of "Due to limited space, as much as we would love to include them in our special day, we can not accomodate children under the age of 13." Bonus points if you have an alternate activity for them - such as hiring a babysitter or two and having a suite at the hotel where either your reception is taking place or where your out of town guests are staying -unless a family member or friend wants to volunteer their place. Then you could say, "Due to limited space at our reception hall, we have made a party for the smaller children at . Pizza, Finding Nemo (or other appropriate movie) and games will be provided!"

No matter what you do, there's bound to be people upset that their toddlers aren't welcome, but it's your day. (That's why the alternate party is a good plan, if you can swing it!)

Answer 5

You address the envelopes to "Mr and Mrs. Smith" and not "The Smith Family"

In addition you can customize RSVP cards to already have the names filled in with check boxes next to them so guests who play dumb can't write in their kids.

If you want small type at the very bottom of the invite or on the RSVP can say "Please, no children under 13". You should put that instead of "no children" because a parent might consider their "super mature" 11 year old to not be a child. Everybody has diff. defenitions so you want to make sure you are clear.

Answer 6

I have the same problem and I searched and searched for the right answer...the best thing that I can tell you to do is on your response card you write who is INVITED to the reception....I.E. if fred and wilma have 2 children named sam and mike and you dont wish for sam and mike to come you simply put on the response card envelope Fred and Wilma....ettiquette says that when you do that people will know that the people on the envelope are the only ones invited...also on the main envelope dont put Mr. and Mrs. Flintsone and family...just put Mr. and Mrs. Flintsone...get it?? good luck!

Answer 7

why do you not want children. you do realize that some people may not have accomodations to leave their children so they may not be able to attend either because of that. so, that being said, i would not forbid children under 13 however would say something like, we regret to say we have no accomodations for children under 13. You know, with marriage being rarer than it used to be, it would be good for an 8 or 10 year old to see the love and joy and celebration of a marriage.it could affect their life forever for the better. i really think you should rethink your position on this for many reasons, some of which i have already mentioned. i really would not put it on the invitation itself though. that is tacky. just let your friends and relatives know by word of mouth that you cannot afford the food, child entertainment or whatever reason you have. tacky to put it on the invitation. you and at least your wife will keep the invitation as a keepsake. what do you think your kids will think if they read that?just wondering. dont put it on the invitation. its very rude and tacky.

Answer 8

You could nicely put the following"

Please only children over thirteen to attend.

Answer 9

only put adults names on the invitation. or else if adults ask about their kids just say sorry because of numbers you are not having them there. its your wedding, have it your way and dont let anyone tell you what to do

Answer 10

no matter what you do, there's bound to be people who are going to bring their children anyway, no matter whom you address the invitation to, or how you word the invitation - it happened at my wedding, then at my daughter's wedding many years later - technically, the names written on the inside envelope are the only people who are invited to a wedding, period!