Help us cut back on our guest list?

Question

We want all of the people who are really special to us at our wedding, of course. As we've been creating our guest list, we've been getting into, "well if we invite so and so then we have to invite so and so...." and we're up to 200 people. We'd like to cut our list back some, maybe to 150 or so. There are friends who we're closer to than some family, but a lot of family have to stay on the list. I can't just cut out a few people from my family and invite the rest. Should we just fork over the extra cash to have the extra guests and spare their feelings??
Please help...

Answer 1

Not everyone will come first of all. Some people will RSVP no. That means you will have less than 200 in the first place. There must be some people on there who aren't necessary. Are you inviting people from work? They aren't necessary and could be a place to cut back. They don't need to know that you aren't having a smaller wedding. Tell them you had to reduce it to family.

Answer 2

Rule of thumb for making cuts:

Family: If you haven't talked to them (over the phone, email, or in person) in three months you can cut them without offending most people

Friends: If you have not spent time with them outside of work/school in the last two months you can cut them.

Put those people on a "B List". Send out all the A list invites and wait for the RSVPs. When those come back say 10 people RSVP NO you then send out 10 invitations to the B list and so on and so on. Under no circumstances should you invite 200 people but only have enough space and everything for 150. That is asking for endless amounts of trouble.

Answer 3

If you "have to" invite friends of friends, then soon you will be inviting the entire world. Unless these friends are married or engaged (to each other), there is nothing incorrect about inviting one without the other. (Whatever you do, don't use "and guest" or "and family" on invitations. This sort of sloppy inviting brings it's own punishment.)

The same rule applies to children. If you don't actually know and spend time with a child, why should he or she be invited? So feel to exclude the barely known children of your friends and more distant relatives, even tho other children may be part of your closer social circle.

Do NOT allow people to use your wedding as a way to entertain guests of their own at your expense; tell them "I'm sorry, but our guest allotment is limited and we're only having people we know and care about." Any attempts to bully you with "If my [child, girlfriend, whatever] isn't welcome, then I'm not coming either" are met with a mild "I'm sorry you feel that way."

If you can't "make budget" by trimming the guest list, then you'll have to either cut elsewhere or go into debt. I advise the former.

Answer 4

my bf and i were mock planning ours and he said we would have 200 easy. i don't want that many since a lot of the ppl he wants to invite are not close friends just acquaintances.
i say if you haven't talked to them in 9 months they don't need an invite. unless it's family you only see once a year or so but chat online or via phone or mail.
if you have alot of the well if you invite them i want them sort of guests... maybe cut those out. they can be sent an announcement.
maybe cut out the kids or under 18yo or under 21yo guests.
that saves on the food, and worrying about under aged drinking... kids never seem to eat much and why pay for them if you don't have to. the parents should understand a grown up reception request.
i'm not close to any family except my parents and brother, on the other hand my bf and i are close to alllll his family (25 members and growing)
so for us it's easy to decide who from the family is invited. i know i won't be inviting ANY of my extended family.

i wish you luck whittling the list down. and congrats

Answer 5

Don't forget that there will be people who RSVP and say they CAN'T come, so you might be lucky and have that number right at 150 anyway. We sent out 350 invitations (i know, 2 huges families) and our total was about 250...also on a holiday weekend though. We sent out an A and B list...basically send out the "definatly invite!" list and wait to get some "no" rsvps back...once you get those, send out your B list...the only trick is to send out A earlier so you'll have enough time to go through every alternative list you have if need be. Good luck!

Answer 6

It's really difficult to do it....but you just have to be firm. It's YOUR wedding day, that YOU are forking out for, so don't feel obliged to invite someone because you invited someone else. Don't spend the extra cash. Had I not laid down a firm hand with one of my friends, there would have been nearly 550 guests..........

Answer 7

You should be fine. Everything I read when I planned my wedding was to expect a 20% decline rate from guests. I had a 25% decline rate from my wedding. So if you invite 200 people you should get about 160. If you want to keep it to 150 then you only have to trim a few people.

Answer 8

I would cut my list by taking off any people you have not had any contact with for 2 years. If you havent seen them for 2 years, your not close enough to want them to spend your special day with.
Once you have done that, then cut people you havent had contact with for a year. Honestly, if you dont see them in a year, you dont need them there.
You cant afford to be including all of these people you never see. Keep the wedding for close people, then you can afford to make it more special for them. You have to be strong, and know there will always be someone you have offended. Just stick to your guns.

Answer 9

Well remember that just because you invited them doesnt mean they will all come to the reception, but you and your bride and groom sit down it's thier wedding and invite the friends and people that they know, Dont worry about inviting your aunti if your daughter doesnt know her, it's not your guests wedding it's the bride and grooms at my wedding my hubby and I walked away from some people never knowing who they were... We wondered who invited them I mean it was relatives but I didnt know them, and if the relative didnt know the bride and groom, why invite them???

Answer 10

you can expect 3/4ths @ the wedding and 1/2 @ the reception. if you want 150 and your inviting 200 then you will be fine! just send out stamped rsvp's and the people who dont send them back, you call or your mom or split the bride and grooms list and your mom calls your side and his mom the other. i promise--your gonna be fine and then RSVP's will save your life!