For the single parents (especially single ones or if you know one)?

Question

I have a question for you all and would really love some imput.

My friend had a young boy who needs a operation. Not a serious one but still an operation is an operation.
She has been single since she was 7 months pregnant the boy is now 2, The father came back, when he was born then left when he was 8 weeks old in tears. (his is what i have been told)

Today she asked my opinion whether to get into contact with him or not, He hasn't made a contact with her since he left and vise verser.

I don't know what to say!! What do you think, what would you do?

How would she tell him if she did?

no child support from him, BUT she has never moved on and I think she very much loves him

the operation is to remove a lump from his inner ear! i think

Answer 1

He needs help to sort his life out clearly - coz in his behavior he's still being selfish to both her and HIS child.

But he is ALSO the child's Dad. Tell you friend to keep the words simple - her mobile number secret - inform him of the day that the boy is having the operation - and KEEP a promise to him that she will call him again the day after the operation.

Answer 2

I think she has to be seen to be fair on this one and let the boy's father know. Whatever her personal feelings are. The father can then make his own mind up as to whether he wants to support his boy through the operation or not. But the key phrase being "he was given the choice".

I was bought up in a single parent family and my father chose not to be around. Mom didn't keep him in the dark, ever. and so he couldn't turn round and blame her for not having any contact with me in the future.

What to say, I would advise sending him a letter, it's easier and she'll not be put on the spot talking to him. Stick to facts and figures, no emotion just information.

Answer 3

You'll never get anyone agreeing on one thing in this situation. I'm a single mother. My daughter's father left when she was 4 months old. She's now 3 1/2 years old. His visits slowly tapered off and have completely stopped now. He never calls to check on her and doesn't even bother to ask how she's doing if I see him out in the community. My daughter is healthy, but has had a few trips to the ER for different things. I call her dad when I know something for sure. But not until. If she were to go in for surgery, of any kind, serious or not. I would call him. If he wants to be super daddy and pretend like he cares, it's his conscience, not mine.

My daughter does know who her dad is, I doubt she'd recognize him on the street, but I made her, her own photo album when she was very small. In 10 years I don't want him to come back and say, it's your mom's fault that I never saw you and that you don't know me. I made the effort to ensure she knows he's out there and where she takes the information is up to her.

Answer 4

The issue is: what is in the child's best interest? In my opinion, what's best for the child is for the two parents to devote themselves to his upbringing, and to set aside any self-centred thoughts (even thoughts like "I can't cope with this" are, of course, self-centred). Men are, perhaps, less often automatically and wholly of this view than women, and may need a greater degree of maturity, or persuasion, to see the joy of parenthood for what it is. So my advice would be to encourage your friend to use this operation as an excuse to make contact again with the child's father, and to try subtly to draw him towards the close and loving relationship with his child that both will benefit so much from. She must never give up, while there is any hope.

Answer 5

My youngest daughter had to have a operation nothing big but I did not call and let her father (sperm Donner) know anything. I used to along time ago but I finally came to the conclusion they don't care if they did they would be calling to find out how there child is. My daughter is now 8 I have told her about her dad and she wants to meet him. I told her when she turns 18 than I will let her till than. I am not subjecting my children to the games your either in there life's or your out and how I feel is if they don't call, write or anything than they have made the decision that they don't want to be bothered with.

Answer 6

I would not and I would go to the courts and get him on abandonment and terminate his parental rights. I HIGHLY recommend this. I was in a similar situation and When I finally did find a man that loved me and my son...Then and only then did his father return to do the "I am the dad I have rights thing" If I was her and I had a chance to get him legally out of the picture I would. Now his father gets him and gets say in decisions, I wish I would have acted sooner. No I recommend that she NOT contact him. If he cared he would NOT have left his son. He could have left her without leaving him. Good luck!

Answer 7

If it was a major operation, or something that could be life threatening, I would say yes. But you say it's "not serious", which I assume means it's pretty routine and nothing to worry about. Don't contact the father - if he hasn't cared so far, he isn't going to.

Answer 8

if he don't care enough to check on his child at least from time to time, then he must not care to see how the child is doing, if she needs some money to help then yes he should help pay but It don't sound to me as if he will help with anything. that's a very hard question to answer, she needs to do whatever makes her feel right, really he needs to know about his child, but the question is will he care enough to be there or to at least help out with some money for the child.
but if she thinks it will bring them back together that's wrong!

Answer 9

Is she getting child support from this person?

It sounds as if they have abandoned all rights to be a parent and the woman has no obligation to inform them.

Answer 10

well, if she needs help paying for the operation, both parents are responsible, but if the dad is a deadbeat then whats the point, the mother may be using the kid's operation as a ploy to get the dad back....plus the father isnt going to spruce ino action of fathrhood if hasnt done it so far...