Me and my partner want to get married very soon, the problem is his family hate me.
They are very bitchy people and slag everyone off and because i wont join in with them and because i was a single mom when we got together they have taken a total dislike to me for the last 3 and a half years.
I have tried so hard to get on with them but im not doing it no more and told my boyfriend i wont be going to see any of his family again.
I really dont know wheather to invite them though, at the end of the day they are still his family and he loves them.
I would love to know what other people think
2007-09-03 00:31:59 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'd say invite them.
My fiance and I can't stand each others parents, so we decided that instead of buying each other a gift, our wedding gift to each other will be spending the afternoon with the others parents and being gracious.
Other than that I just excuse myself and go to another room when they visit.
2007-09-03 02:59:03 · answer #1 · answered by Maria S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weddings are always complicated things. The problem is that if you don't invite them then things will only get worse. I think the best thing you can do is to invite them and be extra nice to them, giving them little jobs to help with the organising of the wedding so they feel involved. You are right, at the end of the day, they are your partner's family and you will be part of their family forever once you are married. They will hold it against you if you don't. The only way you could get round it is if you opted to have a wedding in Barbados or somewhere abroad and only took a few close friends/family with you to celebrate then invited everyone to a party when you got back home. I have usually found that when I encounter people who I do not get on with that being extra extra nice to them usually works. The more nasty they are to you, the nicer you are back and eventually they will find it harder and harder to say nasty things to you. You will have to find a way to make it work with them because there will be other family events / Xmas etc. so best to sort it out now.
2007-09-03 00:45:13 · answer #2 · answered by Carrie S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Jennie
You got a few good answers here so far.
I married my wife 7 years back at a registry office because we didn't want either side of our families interfering with our lives. We had 2 witnesses - best friends (at the time) and the £3500 we saved for the wedding went on a month's honeymoon to Mexico instead.
My wife hates my family with a passion, and I'm not too enthusiastic about hers either, but we love each other to death and that's all that matters.
Speak to your man and see how he feels. He surely already knows your opinion of them and he may feel the same way about not wanting them at the wedding. If that isn't the case, at least you could come to a compromise and only have a few of them there.
Personally I'm not a fan of big weddings for this very reason. It isn't about the lucky couple, it ends up being about everyone else instead and costs a fortune that could be spent on something else instead that doesn't last just a few hours!
Good luck.
2007-09-03 00:51:46 · answer #3 · answered by Just some guy 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
They are his family after all, come on. You said it in your ending sentences, they are, and he loves them. You can take a break from them for awhile after the wedding but get real.
What I find strange is the use of the word "invite". Where I am, every wedding I have ever been involved in or heard of, you don't "invite" immediate family to a wedding. It is understood and assumed that they will be there. It goes, without saying. If they choose not to show up, that is the decision part.
Where I live, if anyone ever said that immediate family was not "invited" to the wedding, the reaction would be speechless, jaw-dropped astonishment.
2007-09-03 03:54:20 · answer #4 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with one of the other answerers...discuss getting married without either family and their drama first. Go on your honeymoon. Enjoy it as if you two are the only ones in the world. Do not tell either family your plans. Make it your special day.
THEN.....prepare another wedding, not really extravagant or expensive, inviting each other families. If his family attempts to spoil your day, which they will likely do, you can have comfort in knowing you had such a beautiful wedding weeks ago!
I was going to say rise above their bitchiness and pettiness, but my in laws were horrible and spoiled my wedding. They let the kids run around like crazy. One child stuck his entire dirty hands in my cake and they all laughed. The mom was drunk and smeared lipstick on my dress before I had a chance to take pictures. I can go on and on. My husband was such a wuss because he didn't want to cause friction and begged me to invite them. I did for him because I trusted him to make our day special. How bad can it be he said?
OMG, I hated him for that and it caused a strain in our marriage when we should have been newlyweds. I've always been respectable to his crazy, inconsiderate, hateful family so I felt it was unfair and cheated that they won somehow. He made up for it though, by standing up to them whenever they disrespected me unnecessarily and recreated our day with just US!
You will know what decision to make cuz you know how they really are. Your fiance only see them through his childhood eyes. Good luck!
2007-09-03 00:51:41 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♥JDub♥♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As much as it is going to suck to hear this, I learned a long time ago that when you marry someone, you marry their family too. If you have problems now, it will only be worse if you don't invite them to the wedding. It will be just one more thing that they hold over your head. And whatever you do, don't try to get your partner to turn on his family, he will only resent you for it later. You should also discuss BEFORE the wedding your future encounters with his family and how those will be handled. Here is a link that may help...Good Luck!!
2007-09-03 00:42:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Won't your partner want them there ?
If I was you I would write them an invite and deliver it to their door, once there hand them the invite and calmly explain that you would like to put the past in the past for the sake of yours and your boyfriend/husbands relationship.
If his family doesn't accept it still, then there is nothing you can do and it will be there choice if they attend or not.
If they do, don't do anything to them - you don't even need to talk to them, but don't let them ruin your big day.
If you do that, it shows YOU are the mature responsible civil adult, if they choose not to accept it - they are immature and don't deserve to be part of the wedding.
Good luck whatever you choose to do.
2007-09-03 04:50:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There will be people in this world that you can never make happy. In no way am I telling you what to do but in my opinion I think you should invite them. You do not have to speak to them at all. Let them see how happy you are and how pretty you are in your dress. Let them know that they can not bring you down. Its going to be your husbands day to and that is his family. His family needs to see you two happy together and that they can not break you two apart. Good luck and I hope you have a wonder wonder WONDERFUL wedding!
2007-09-03 02:24:51 · answer #8 · answered by ice38034 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you hate his family that much, you really need to call off the wedding unless you look forwrd to a life of misery. When you marry someone, their family is part of the total package. You CAN'T treat his family that way and expect a happy marriage.
They are also wrong for judging you. If you make him happy, they should just be happy for you and treat you with some respect. If he can't find a way to get his family to back off, I don't see any real happiness for either of you.
I was engaged to someone whose family didn't like me and I didn't like them. I am so much happier since we broke up and I married someone else. It's so nice that our son can grow up with a family that gets along. Imagine how hard it would be for your kids if their mom hated their Aunt Suzie.
2007-09-03 02:07:07 · answer #9 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How does your partner feel about it? Does he think they should come? Imagine how he probably feels though, stuck in the middle of you and his family.
Wouldnt it be better to ask them to the wedding, it would make you better than them and it would not give them the opportunity to have a go at you for yet another thing.
2007-09-03 00:41:14 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋