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My 23-month-old son is unnervingly bright and energetic, which is great. However, he is very strong and very wilful and when his dad is at work I have real problems disciplining him. I have introduced a 'naughty cushion' which works great - when I can get him on there!
When he has tantrums he gets really aggressive, although when he is calm he is wonderfully affectionate. I am covered in bruises and scratches.
I don't like shouting, but have found I have had to a few times lately as he just laughs if I talk to him in a firm, hard voice.
How can I outwit him?

2007-09-02 23:52:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting Toddler & Preschooler

12 answers

I've found I have to have a proactive approach to this problem. I keep my son's day fairly structured and routine. Toddlers REALLY benefit from routine. They will respond positively to knowing what comes next. I make sure I tell my son what we are doing, for how long and about 15 minutes I start telling him we are going to do the next activity (then 10 min, then 5 min, then time to clean up). I also come up with ways for him to help me. Children like to help. For example, I have him throw away things or sweep or wipe or whatever I'm working on. All this has really cut down on the number of tantrums. I use a chair for time out. He has a hard time getting off of this chair, so once I sit him there, he stays. If you are holding him on the cushion, you are rewarding his bad behavior with attention. Ignore him when he is in TO. If time out is not working out well, you may need to try a different approach. Taking away toys and privileges works better for some kids.
I find getting down to my son's level and speaking calmly to him works much better than a loud voice.
My psych teacher is a child psychologist (and also has an autistic child) he has you need to make sure you do what you say, otherwise, you are teaching your child you are a liar. In other words, if you say, "Stop that or I'm going to put you in time out", make sure you actually do put him in TO and don't just threaten.
Good luck and best wishes.

2007-09-03 02:54:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

You must learn the art of re direction. When he is headed down a path you know leads to trouble, redirect his interests to something else he likes.

My son was like this and I am delighted to say that he lived through his childhood and I am not a total alcoholic. The best part is that he has a daughter just like he was. Life does deliver such pleasures.

When he was at his absolute worst he got a spanking. The rule was, I could not be mad, he had to pull down his pants
and lay across my knees, he would get about four spanks with my bare hand. I knew if my bare hand stung so did his bottom. When you are done take him to his room, where he stays for about ten or fifteen minutes. My guy was a tough little boy, I sometimes think his tush was numb. Probably from about 2 to 8 he was spanked about 4 or 5 times. It always worked for about two weeks.
But he never was a tantrum child, he was quitely sneeky.

Parents lost total control when children began running the house. The day either of my children EVER layed a hand on ME. There would have been Hell to pay.

YOU ARE THE PARENT, HE IS THE CHILD. Get this straight NOW or you will regret it for the rest of your life. His Father has to step in and both of you lay down the rule.
Spanking never damaged a child for a life time. Beatings do.

Strip his room and put him there every time this behavior starts. Tell him he CANNOT be with you until he learns to be a good boy. A child being deprived of a parents company can be a strong motivator.

My daughter had to go away from me to her room when she did not behave. This took very few times. We are best friends and she is 37 now.

Be strong. KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE BOSS. The way you raise this child today will make the MAN of tomarrow.

Good Luck.

2007-09-03 00:21:03 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0 0

Remind yourself over and over "I will not let a two-year-old boss me around."

The key isn't to outwit him (although it helps to be tricky) it is to outlast him. Hitting, biting, spitting, kicking and throwing toys are never okay. You can gently (and calmly) remind him of this and insist that treat you properly. A naughty cushion is great for this, and so is counting to three slowly. If he blows you off or gets aggressive, rather than getting angry with him, get into the Zen zone. Remember, before you can calm your child, you must first calm yourself.

You can gently hold him in your lap with your hands around his wrists and your arms wrapped around him. Make sure he has enough room to move around, but restrained enough so that he cannot hurt you. He will throw an amazing tantrum, but just whisper softly to him, "I love you too much to let you hurt me. Shhhhhhh." When he can calm himself and be quiet, then you can let go and the two of you can discuss how much you love each other and how to show it.

Stick with your guns and never forget that he's a lovely little boy, not just a howling monster. It'll probably take at least a week or two to start seeing results from him, but you'll feel a huge difference in yourself right away. Good luck!

**edit**
Ignoring obnoxious behavior and screaming tantrums is good, but you're covered in bruises and scratches. He's clearly being violent with you, and that is unacceptable. Imagine what he could do to an infant or another toddler. What if he decided to turn that aggression onto a family pet? My son went through a biting phase when he was that age. It was horrible! I was sick to my stomach and so sad. It didn't take long to teach him not to bite, but I'll never forget what it was like knowing that my child had attacked and hurt others.

2007-09-03 03:02:22 · answer #3 · answered by Meghan H 3 · 0 0

I agree with the act of ignoring the bad behavior. I have a 2 yr old girl who is very headstrong. I ignore her behavior and go about my business as if nothing is happening until she calms down and asks nicely for what ever it is she wants. Then and only then do I react to her. I give her what she wants and tell her that her prior behavior was unacceptable. Simple and to the point. The key is feeling confident about your actions. They will sense your insecurity and play upon it if you don't. No matter how loud he screams, no matter what he does, you need to stay calm, be confident (or at least project confidence), and don't let him hurt you or anyone else. If he starts to get physical, you need to find someplace to (quietly and calmly) isolate him so that he doesn't hurt himself or others. I know it will be difficult, I have cried during some of my daughters episodes, but I try not to let her see me do it. It will only show her she's getting to me. It is also very important to praise him when you catch him behaving well, especially right after a tantrum. Hugs, kisses, high fives, whatever he gets a kick out of. Find what works for you and run with it.

2007-09-03 00:23:03 · answer #4 · answered by csr 2 · 1 0

My daughter has just turned two she had a few tantrums a little while ago so i used to put her i her room for a few Min's to calm down. I would wait outside the room to make sure she didn't come out i would tel her she can come out when she has stopped crying. Then i would open the door and make her say sorry(at least try). Now i very rearly have to do that infact its been about 4 weeks since the last time all i say is you will go in your room if you dont behave yourself and thats enough.

2007-09-02 23:59:51 · answer #5 · answered by stacey 3 · 1 0

I feel for you. I have a 2 year old (turned 2 at the end of June) and he is the same way and getting HARDER and HARDER! He is strong and big for his age and very determined to do what he wants. I've been getting louder and meaner with him and hate that but in the moment, just don't know what to do when I feel out of control and can't control him (he kicks, throws, etc...). I've tried time out but now just don't have the physical strength to put him there (I use the high chair b/c he won't stay anywhere else). I've taken away toys, etc...but then the temper tantrum just gets worse and my son is a head banger. I wish I had advice but am glad you posted this so maybe I can get some advice. Best of luck to you!

2007-09-03 00:47:32 · answer #6 · answered by Starlight 2 · 1 1

Your son is in a common position - he is advanced, and needs to find ways to keep him entertained. If he is misbehaving, try not raising your voice, but be firm. The naughty cushion is a great idea, but put it somewhere he is isolated from you - do most of his tantrums happen in the kitchen? - Put it in his bedroom. Ideally somewhere where he won't hurt himself, or cause too much damage. No parent should have to endure abuse from a child, and the most effective way to deal with it is to remove them from the situation. By restraining him or fighting back you are indicating to him that it is acceptable social interaction. I try putting them in their room for ten minutes and shut the door. I stand outside, and within the tem minutes, they have calmed down. Then you can explain right from wrong in a calm manner with him. Try it!

2007-09-03 00:01:31 · answer #7 · answered by Gem Gem 5 · 0 0

My twins are the same age and very wilful!! Try putting him in his room, but if he has a lot of toy in there i suggest the shower bay or bath tub.

You need to try and pull rank, and ignoring him works best. I completely ignore him when he is naughty or not doing as he is told.

He will more than likely going to try and trash your house, but my favourite line 'Oh well Daddy isn't going to like this very much.' works every time!!

Get your partner to have a talk to him, it worked with me!

GOOD LUCK

2007-09-03 00:07:22 · answer #8 · answered by *Charli* Mamma Di Gemini's 6 · 0 1

Ignore BAD behaviour!!! Totally. Just walk away from it.

I have an 18 month old getting like this - little monster. Trouble is, bright kids know their own minds and want to express everything. I know just how you feel - just counting my bruises.

2007-09-02 23:57:04 · answer #9 · answered by Sal*UK 7 · 1 1

I pick my little guy up by the back of his shirt and bring him up to my level, I'm not hitting him but, with feet dangling in the air, and my mad eyes level with his, he calms right down ! show him the courtisy booth in super market, tell him "This is where they put the bad kids... A "Time Out" seat can be had ANYWHERE there is a step.

2007-09-03 00:01:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 2

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