My uncle is getting married for the 2nd time to his girlfriend of 10 years, (bit of background for more info) we are a small family (only him and my mum and i'm one of four cousins) we xmas together every year and get together for birthdays etc.
Anyway the dilemma, hes getting married in a registry office and I have received the invite with only my name on it (not my boyf of 2 years whom I live with) so I rang up my unc to ask if it was ok for him to come and he said no, partners were not invited as was a small occasion (the only thing i'm the only cousin with a partner and feel that I am being singled out and I feel really mean leaving him out of a family event when he is a huge part of my life)
What would you do?!!?
2007-09-02 23:12:04 · 28 answers · asked by Katie 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Personally, I would go and leave the boyfriend at home. You did the proper thing by calling your uncle, and you received his answer, so you will have to go with his answer. It won't hurt you to be without your boyfriend for a short time, but I do understand your feelings! If it is a small occasion, then your presence will be missed if you choose not to go. Again, just go and have a good time and don't make any more mention of it to your uncle.
2007-09-03 03:09:07 · answer #1 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure there's more to the story than simply just this that would make you feel as if you were being singled out.
Traditionally, it's normal to invite a person's partner to the wedding. In Australia, two people living together would be considered de facto spouses. So, technically speaking, your boyfriend is your de facto spouse, and he should have been invited to the wedding in the polite sense.
However, your Uncle has decided to keep the wedding small, thus not inviting partners. I'm sure you're feeling the way you do about this for a specific reason, perhaps your relationship with your uncle, or your boyfriend's relationship with your family.
I really cannot recommend a decision for you as I don't know how you truly feel. My advice, go with your heart. Do what feels right. If you feel right to go, then have a good time. If there are reasons that make it not feel right, then decline the invite with warm wishes.
2007-09-03 01:38:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go without my partner. I see it as kind of like the thing where folks invite the grownups but tell them to leave the kids home - the married couple can do that. Your uncle means "family only" & he can do that. How you choose to react to it is strictly up to you, of course. You could get your panties in a twist & stay home - thereby alienating you from the rest of the family or you could choose to go, devote an hour or so being happy for the marrying pair & keep peace in your family. That's how serious rifts start in families; one person gets their feelings hurt & stays away...& it kinda snowballs from there. What you can do is go, but then explain to your uncle that in the future your significant other is to be included in all family events because they are your love. Just because you're the only one with somebody doesn't mean it will stay that way. Some day all of the cousins will have s/o's & they can't all be left out. Since it's just a registry office wedding, I say go - be gracious & take flowers and/or a gift, be sure to bring a camera so you can take your own unique perspective on the ceremony (then later present them with a photo album for Christmas - kill two birds w/one stone here) & celebrate with them for a short bit, then leave & return home to the boyfriend. That way you've done the right thing, everybody is happy & all will be well for future events. Please explain to b/f that it's a family thing & you'll be back soon...then have crazy sex with him cos you missed him so much while you were gone - usually works like a charm! Good luck, enjoy the wedding & be happy for your uncle, but be sure he gets the message about the future.
2007-09-02 23:28:42 · answer #3 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it is manners to only ask 1 person on the invite of whom is not married. It would be nice if you could bring a "guest" (boyfriend), but since you are not married (a spouse) and it is your Uncle's wedding, he has the upper hand on it.
Living together and dating 2 years doesn't equal to having the benefits of marriage. If you two are that important in eachother's lives, how come not married?
Since it is a small occasion, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just attend and cut it short if you feel out of place.
2007-09-03 00:48:07 · answer #4 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a torn between the two situation. You have your uncle and you boyf both which you would consider family. It will be for the best if you ask your uncle one more time and if he still don't want your boyf to come to his wedding then just explain to him that being that you are living with your boyf for 2 years and am not wanting to hurt or be mean to him by leaving him at home and go to the wedding then he might reconsider and tell you that your boyf can come or he might not. Just remember that in this kind of situation sometimes you will have to choose either to go or not to go just pick the right choice.
2007-09-02 23:30:52 · answer #5 · answered by tneva 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If we are talking about the etiquette books, then technically your uncle is correct. He and his bride do not have to invite your boyfriend. They do not have to invite him unless you are engaged or married.
Your uncle and his bride are trying to keep the wedding small. It may be because of the budget or the size of the venue, but whatever the reason . . . it is their decision. You are not being singled out. I am sure that if you were engaged (ring on finger) or married, then your partner would be included.
At this point, (and no matter how much you may love him) your boyfriend is technically not a member of the family. It won't hurt to leave him for a couple of hours to attend the wedding. In the interest of family harmony, try to accept uncle's decision graciously.
2007-09-02 23:30:13 · answer #6 · answered by Suz123 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You could get engaged. Society recognizes 3 categories of relationship: married, engaged, and friends. The first two are invited everywhere as couples. The last is presumed to be single.
Some folks regard live-together couples as the social equivelent of married or engaged, and some do not. Your uncle obviously does not. You can't MAKE your family regard your friend as "part of the family" other than (perhaps) by regularizing your relationship by marriage, or at least engagement.
So your options are to either accept the invitation or not. I'd accept.
2007-09-02 23:38:47 · answer #7 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If hes getting married in a registry office the area is small, and he wants only those hes close to there, get over the b/f not being able to come, maybe they only allow so many people, and if you bring your other others might want to bring dates, and then hes gonna have too many people.
2007-09-03 20:03:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Id go to the wedding alone and explain to your partner the situation , and maybe ask your uncles if your partner can go to the wedding reception and not the wedding but if not respect your uncles wishes aand explain to your partner whats going on im sure hell understand :0)
2007-09-02 23:22:22 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ mommy to Ameliá born 23Jul09 ♥ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. It's a family event and he isn't family unless you marry.
2. You're not excluding him, the host is. He can invite whomever he wants, based on whatever criteria. He presumably invited those with whom he wanted to share this event, and for whatever reason he didn't want to share it with your partner.
3. It was rude to even ask...the invitation was to you only, you should have RSVPd as to your attendance only.
4. Your choices are: Do you send regrets or not?
2007-09-03 03:39:28 · answer #10 · answered by Bill 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋