I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now, and have been living together for 2 of them. We even bought a condo and a cat together. Whenever I ask him if we're going to get married, he says yes someday, but implies that someday won't be any day soon. He did take me to look at rings a couple months ago which made me think it would happen soon, but then nothing happened. He told me today that "it's nothing personal," but he "just doesn't care about marriage" the way I do. He claims that marriage is just a contract and that we basically already are married. What should I think of this? We're in our 20s, with no previous bad experiences with exes.
I guess what I'm asking is this: is he going to propose to me someday soon, or am I supposed to be his girlfriend my whole life? Should I be offended that he only thinks of marriage as a contract?
2007-09-02 22:11:04 · 17 answers · asked by Browneyed Girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
unless you get serious w/him, he`s going to drag you along, most men, when you already live w/ them feel there`s no need to get married they get in a comfort zone. the biggest mistake is to live together before marriage. give him a deadline, if you don`t tie the knot by then, leave him, if he loves you and care about you he`ll come back and marry you, if he does`nt it means he never really cared about you and did`nt love anyway.
2007-09-02 22:22:58 · answer #1 · answered by james j l 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well, on the one hand he HAS expressed to you the fact that he is not that interested in getting married, but on the other, he's made you believe it's a possibility by taking youto look at rings. So basically there is no clear cut answer here. He could have taken you to look at rings to pacify you for the moment or he could just be waiting so you'll be surprised when he does ask. If you're tired of waiting you need to have a serious conversation with him where you can both say how you truly feel about the whole situation. He needs to know how important marriage is to you & you need to find out how important it is to him (doesn't sound like its at the top of his to-do list to me). After that, you should have your answer. If he doesn't plan on making things official you should stop acting like his wife & move out. Who knows, maybe then he'll realize how much he wants you in his life. Whatever you do, just don't settle for less than what you truly want or deserve.
2007-09-03 02:41:31 · answer #2 · answered by sunflower 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is much more than just a contract. What neither of you realize, well, maybe you do, but what he doesn't realize is most states don't recognize shackups, so if you were to die, he'd have NO SAY in anything. If you should become incapacitated, your FAMILY would be the ones making decisions for you, not him.
You aren't supposed to be anything you don't want to be. If you don't want to be just his gf the rest of your life, move out, have your name taken off the condo, live by yourself for a while, date, no more shacking up, and find a guy who loves you enough to marry you before having sex. Good luck.
2007-09-03 10:01:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I will tell you how to test him. It may seem like you're being "mainipulative", but in reality.. it's him "manipulating" you!!
You need to tell him that you're moving out. No matter what, you can't stand to live as a married woman (cleaning, cooking, other things etc)... without the commitment. I have no idea why you bought a condo with him, but you need to make this clear to him. If you can live as a wife, which you already are, then you need his commitment as well.. or you're moving out.
This is what I told my boyfriend! He is now my fiance after the little talk we had. I was scheduled to move out within a week of the conversation I had with him.. but in the end he showed up with an engagement ring and said that he couldn't live w/out me... and that he understood my position in the matters (living without a commitment).
That was in May, we're now getting married next september!
So, anyway... you all already own a place together! Tell him what is bothering you! If he loves you he will do the right thing!
BTW- brown eyed girl is a great Van Morrison song.
2007-09-02 22:46:53 · answer #4 · answered by PlasticTrees 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
How recently did he take you to look at rings?
Maybe he wants it to be a surprise, maybe he's SAVING for the "perfect" engagement ring!
Oh and an FYI, my fiance and I dated for about four years (living together for more than two of them) before he proposed.
Some guys need a little more time than others.
2007-09-03 01:24:16 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would put the condo up for sale . . . and move out. Find someone who respects you, values you, and wants to marry you. And this next time? Don't buy condos or cats or move in together until you've got the ring on your finger. Good luck to you.
2007-09-02 23:43:36 · answer #6 · answered by Suz123 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Sit him down,and tell him you have signed plenty of contracts and that since you are alreayd acting liek your married its not going to hurt to actually do the ceremony, it would mean a lot to you and that it may not mean much to him, but that it would mean the world to you, it cant hurt if your already "pretty much married"
2007-09-03 20:15:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. It is frustrating especially when people around you are all getting married. Don't you hate it when people say "Oh when are you two getting engaged and/or married. Ughhh! Think like I do, one day your day will come. And all good things come to those who wait. I know it's hard, but keep on smiling and one day you will think how silly you are being!
2007-09-03 09:40:11 · answer #8 · answered by Annie Girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
actually? sure. i comprehend the way you sense... i'm additionally in my mid-1920s and my boyfriend is 9 years older. I even have rather of an top hand to your difficulty. I even have already found out from journey that living jointly previously getting married is a mistake. As you assert why purchase the cow whilst the milk is loose! I refuse to stay with my guy - inspite of my love for him. Your boyfriend is delicate as issues stand... why in the international could he exchange it? regrettably... you are able to desire to think of approximately what you extremely need. in case you're actually not happy with out a notion, then you certainly could desire to make that sparkling. you in addition to could could desire to be waiting to persist with by using and decrease back that up. ultimately, you are able to lose what you have... yet whilst what you have isn't precisely what you prefer - you would be greater beneficial off for it. in any different case, learn how to stay with it. undergo in strategies that in basic terms you're to blame for YOU. do not hear to what others say (consisting of me) hear to what's on your heart and strategies. solid success!
2016-11-14 01:38:24 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you set your boyfriend down and tell him that marriage may not be important to him, but it is to you, and ask him why he don't go ahead already and marry you to make you happy?! So what if he doesn't think that paper is important, it matters to you, right? So he should just go ahead and do it. He should respect your feelings about it, even if it doesn't matter to him. Soften him up by saying something about 'not being able to wait until you can have his last name'.
2007-09-02 22:22:25 · answer #10 · answered by Samantha 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋