Hi...Im a catholic and was dating a muslim guy for over a year. In the beginning of our relationship he stated that he couldnt touch/hug/kiss me unless he did the "mutah" (temporary marriage) He stated that he would be very uncomfortable if he touched me in any way without being married to me in some way, and like a fool i agreed to it. Now that we have broken up due to religious differences and our families not accepting of us =( I feel really guilty that I let him talk me into doing it. I feel as if I put a curse on myself (i cant explain it but thats how I feel) I know he didnt do it for sexual reasons because its haram, I wouldnt allow it and its forbidden in my religion/culture, but I still feel used! He also stated that he had done it with his ex girlfriend whom he dated for 4 years, she was not arabic so I'm assuming he did it for sexual reasons, which really bothers me :- / ...My question is: Do I have a right to be feeling the way im feeling, and is the mutah a sin?
2007-09-02 21:02:33 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
We were in love, but both knew we couldnt be together because of our differences. We didnt mind it, but my family would disown me if I ever dated or married a muslim guy. My family does not know and if ever they found out, all hell will be raised. It was hard/sad to end things because of our religion, i mean we both come from the same country so why should relgion have to matter? but its life and life is not fair. So many times i've asked God why religion has to matter, if were both praising the same God, it shouldnt matter if its a different prophet like Jesus or Mohamad...
just so everyone knows, there was no sex involved in the relationship (maybe that will help in answering the question!)
2007-09-02 21:28:42 · update #1
Replying to some answers that were left: At that time I didnt care to do the mutah because I wanted to make him happy, so I dont blame him for all that happened but I do blame myself as well. I respect him and his religion and it was what he wanted so I agreed to it. Im not angry with him or his religion but I guess im angry with myself for allowing it...being young and in love= making stupid decisions, but I do not regret being with him at all, just the mutah part of the relationship...
Replying to Mario's answer:
He had told me the same thing about being able to sleep with a girl if she was not muslim. He stated that it was haram to sleep with a muslim girl if they were not married, so most of his friends dated outside of their religion.
Jenn: your right being muslim doesnt have anything to do with being arabic...i mean im arabic but im catholic!...also I wouldve read about the mutah but he didnt make it seem like it was a big deal so it didnt bother me at the time.
2007-09-02 22:29:31 · update #2
Dear aj929,
Congratulations! You had the courage to pursue, even for a short time, the highest form of Love: true love... illicit love. This pleases God.
And, of course you "have the right to feel this way."
You kept alive, for the flickering of a candle, Love, against the craziness of this world, and against your parents threats.
You are brave and strong, and some day, you will be wise.
2007-09-08 21:16:54 · answer #1 · answered by smkeller 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to me you're normal to feel that way....
mutah is some sort of a 'temporary marriage', agreed on being married for a certain lenght of time. Is it a sin? Depends on how u perceieve it. How do you see a marriage? an agreement between a man an a woman? a promise to love each other till deth do you part? Or just some legitimation for sex? Was it mutual? Were u informed before it is done?
To me, mutah doesnt mean anything.... it cannot be regarded as equal as the 'real' marriage. It's solely for the spiritual comfort between a man a woman, THINKING that their SEXUAL ACTIVITY had been approved by God. To minimize their guilt. But apparently without any intention of growing a family together....just legitimate sex
2007-09-03 05:18:09 · answer #2 · answered by Duddette 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm so sorry you've been through that.
Mutaa marriage is very forbidden in Islam. Any marriage that is temporary or there's an intention to end it, or has a time limit is forbidden in Islam.
Mutaa marriage was invented by some people so that they can do forbidden things, and then not have to come up with divorce expenses, because by law, you're not married. but it's very wrong and not Islamic at all.
I'm sorry you've been used. and I'm sorry he calls himself a Muslim. Obviously he's not acting like one.
2007-09-03 09:42:01 · answer #3 · answered by wala 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mutah Marriage was abolished by the messenger of Allah Salla Alaho Alayhy wal Salam..
Muta after it was cancelled became voidable "fasid" as the Quran recognizes marriage as "a habitation and a repository" (Abu Hanifa).. It is still practiced by Some Muslims, though Imams of Shia and Sunna Denied it.. as the necessity in this era provides for the stability of legal positions (Imam Dr. Farag Fouda, Dr. Yusuf Al Qaradawy).
Muta, however.. is a Valid contract of marriage as the conditions are "offer, acceptance, Witnesses"... The matter of "pro tempore" comes within the intention of people and no one can detect that. Muta is prefered than Adultery for instance in My view. That's why it was legislated by the prophet in the eras of wars.
If he's serious he'd propose to you to marry through a valid contract.. end of Story.
2007-09-03 05:42:03 · answer #4 · answered by Lawrence of Arabia 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi There,
Hope this will help
The Warning from the Prophet (S)
The Prophet (S) said:
It is better for a spike to be driven into your head than for you to touch a woman that is not permissible for you (to touch). (Recorded by at-Tabaraanee in al-Kabeer)
According to the above narration, we can plainly see the prohibition of a man touching a woman. Although the Prophet (S) did not directly command the Muslims to not do it, his
statements show the severity of the consequences of committing such an act. If it were allowed to touch non-related men and women, then the Prophet (S) would not have spoken so drastically of the one who does so. Consequently, it is forbidden for the man to touch any woman that he is not a mahram for, as well as a woman to touch any man that is not a mahram to her. This is the opinion that the majority of the scholars have taken and it is the truth of which there is no doubt.
Peace
Htw_guy
2007-09-03 05:37:12 · answer #5 · answered by htw_guy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Mutah Marriage or temporary marriage has no basis whatsoever in mainstream Islam.
It's ok to feel this way... Maybe the breakup happened for a reason... the Muslim guy kinda sounds like a jerk if you ask me...
2007-09-03 04:12:01 · answer #6 · answered by Wanderer 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Well why wouldnt it bother you? The man used you. Of course you are going to feel bad about it.
However, the Lord will help you. Turn to Him. He will grant you peace and heal you. And in the future listen to His counsel. There is a reason He forbids premarital and extramarital relations. Its so people dont hurt. And I think the Lord is particular focusing on the women who get hurt. He doesnt want His daughters to cry because someone used them.
2007-09-03 04:27:15 · answer #7 · answered by Avatar_defender_of_the_light 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All of this because you did what you knew was wrong. OK Pick yourself up. You have been used but that's already history. Do what you know is right now and take this to the Cross and lay it at Jesus feet.
Only He can restore you. Only He can heal you. Talk to him and not strangers or anyone else.
2007-09-07 13:14:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mutah marriage is not allow in Muslim religion (except Shia). I hope you will overcome the feeling as time passes. Dont think him, that will never ever allow to fade his memories from your mind.
2007-09-03 04:14:37 · answer #9 · answered by midas s 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
25:68 Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made sacred except for just cause, nor commit fornication; - and any that does this (not only) meets punishment.
For any Muslim woman or non-Muslim woman who is approached by a Muslim man. Just tell him this verse or tell him to read Surah 25 Ayat 68. Tell him it is Haraam and to fear Allah.
2007-09-03 07:41:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋