Every since I had my son, everyone has been coming out of their mouth telling me what I should do and how I should do things. But what really pisses me off is these were the exact people who were telling me not to have my son, but now they think they know everything. They go out and blow money on him, but as soon as I get ready to buy him something in their words, "That's a waste don't buy that." And then everyone feels like they can take care of him better than me, when I take care of him, as soon as anyone comes around (especially MIL and Dad) they want him ASAP and if he cries they feel they can remedy it better than me. So I had enough and I went off on my dad today b/c as soon as my son started crying, he came running to take him from me saying, I've raised more kids than you. I repeatedly told him I could handle it, but he wouldn't back off, so I just straight out said NO and he went away saying well I was just trying to help.Was I too harsh?
More info below......
2007-09-02 17:01:19 · 18 answers · asked by jzmom327 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I love my dad and everyone and I appreciate all the offered help but I want to experience everything b/c 1 day we all must leave this earth and if every time my son cried I passed him off to my dad or MIL I'd never learn how to take care of him on my own.
2007-09-02 17:02:44 · update #1
yes you were... you also a whynie *********.
2007-09-02 17:12:03 · answer #1 · answered by frankozz69 2 · 0⤊ 5⤋
You are right in wanting to raise your child your way. As a Parent you will make mistakes but they are yours to make and not your dad or MIL
Have a sit down With the people that it pertains to and gently explain your thoughts and wishes. When they give you feedback take it in stride and remember yu are the Mom and can use any and all help you may wish.
As long as you are firm in your commitment to your son they will see this and should back up some.
Remember your dad is a Grandpa and will want the boy so don't be selfish, let grandpa change the diaper :)
2007-09-10 19:07:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like they've realized just how wonderful it is to have life in the house again. Don't be too hard on them though for wanting to be of help, though it might come across like Father knows best. I think you did the right thing by standing your ground. If you hadn't, it woud likely lead to them taking more liberties at your expense. You need to be able to learn and grown and become a parent. The only way to do that is to practice. And what better practice is there than to do the things that a parent would do. Definately be assertive. You're the parent now. But don't be too angry with them. They know the mistakes they made and they're probably trying to show you a better way so you will avoid making the mistakes they'd wish they had avoided. As far as money is concerned...they likely understand your finances and are concerned that those purchases aren't something within budget while they are able to afford the luxuries you aren't able to at this time. Don't be too hard on them. It sounds like they are just trying to be good grandparents...don't hate them for that. Just let them know gently and firmly that you are someone of your word and you took a vow to be the best mom you know how and you don't want to be robbed of this opportunity. But don't shut them out. They do have years of experience and a willingness to be a part of all of this.
2007-09-08 07:01:06 · answer #3 · answered by Meme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are your MIL or Dad always around when your son crys? Are you living off them or have you made a separate home for you and your son?
If you are living in there home then you have to suck it up.
If you have taken the responsibility of making a home of you and your son then just try and accept their attempts at help as a way of having a break from the constant demands of parenthood.
PS going off on somebody never solves a problem
2007-09-10 23:28:10 · answer #4 · answered by keezy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO you were not to harsh, i have 2 sons grown 23 on the 12th of this month and 18,i have a close bond with both my boys,listen this is a time for you to bond with your son, this is a time for you to get to know his every cry,every sound,and you can't do that will everybody telling you what to do,believe me you will not regret saying no to everybody,you need your son and your son needs you bottom line,you want to be the one your son turns to when there is a problem,these are the most important times for you and your son,the first year is so important,this is the time when he really gets to know mom,and mom gets to know her wonderful son,so don't worry about being harsh that is the best thing for both you and your son,good luck to you and your son
2007-09-10 22:30:13 · answer #5 · answered by tnsupermomwhit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u weren't. ut u should thank them 4 there help and u appreciate then say i want 2 give it a try on my own 4 a month k. then show them ur skills of ur doing bad they'll intervine of good they'll leave u alone
but of they still bug u jut say plz stop of i do somethin wrong tell me nicely dont just come and take my son like that i have 2 learn. then u end up the good person and they'll stop and u'll get extra respect
2007-09-10 21:13:28 · answer #6 · answered by Cheeze <3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is pretty common and some times you have to put your
foot down. Get used to it because you are responsible for
your son and though everyone means well its your call. Be nice but be firm when you need to be. This doesnt mean don`t
listen to advice but it your call in the end.
As your son gets older this will get a little better but it won`t
ever go away. For instance should he play a certain sport or
not ? Is he ready for school or not? Is he ready for his own
car or not? Thankfully you don`t have to make all these decisions today , but someday you will.
2007-09-03 06:50:51 · answer #7 · answered by Henry J 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Who's child is it ?you will find out sometime in life that there are about a million people to tell you how to live and how to run your affairs. Don't they have there own life ? Just try and explain to Dad your position, ask him who raised you and took care of you ? He did, now its your turn. Good luck
2007-09-10 17:11:47 · answer #8 · answered by philtoldyouso 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You worry over nothing. It was better to say it when you did, or it would have festered and built up to the point where you would have said worst at a later date. Do not worry anymore. You did the right thing. Stand up and show him you can cope with the help of his advice and guidance.
2007-09-08 07:47:21 · answer #9 · answered by tepania4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, the only way you will learn to care for your child is by doing it yourself.No, I don't think you were too harsh, by saying no to your Dad, since subtle hints don't work. Tell them you appreciate their concern, but you would rather make decisions about your son yourself, don't be meek, be firm.
2007-09-09 23:16:27 · answer #10 · answered by onyx1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, they should respect you as the baby's mother. They should offer to help, and only do so if you agree. How are you suppose to learn to be a good mother with someone always butting in. As long as your child isn't in any danger, they can offer assistance, but only give it if it is ok with you.
2007-09-10 12:07:43 · answer #11 · answered by ♥sick n tired♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋