Bad times...?

Question

a while ago i let a friend stay with me and my bf because she was having a hard time at home, she then manipulated my bf and nearly slept with him under my roof. This has scarred me pretty badly, like really badly. I already suffer with depression and anxiety and this made all my symptoms come back full blown. You see my problem now is that i feel the only way i will stop thinking about it is if she is dead, this is how much hatred i have towards her and ive never felt this before.. i wouldnt do anything like that of course, but i mean how can i stop feeling like this.. please no answers stating the its my bfs fault because i know for a fact it wasnt.. any help thankyou!!

Ok, as stated i know this isnt my bfs fault, i have been with him since we were both 15 and we are now 19, i was his first time and when this happened she used that to her advantage, i read every single text message she sent to him and that he sent to her.. every one from him telling her to leave him alone, then she used it to her advantage again when he was drunk and she wasnt. He is a vey easily manipulated person due to some of the problems he suffers himself... as for people saying its pathetic, if you had of dealt with something like this your self you wouldnt be saying that.

and i also know he hasnt done this elsewhere, because he doesnt go out, only to and from work.

Answer 1

Both your friend and your boyfriend carry blame in this issue.

But, you had a part in it too. If you were just being kind-hearted, you must understand that even kind-hearted people can make decisions that are not the best for the situation.

If your friend is already having a tought time of it, she is probably vulnerable and needing comfort. Is it really a surprise that she would step over the line of proper guest behavior and try to make her own wounded self feel better?

Now, you do say she "nearly" slept with him. Was your boyfriend ready and willing to sleep with her or did he resist? Did he do the right thing and tell her no, or was he thinking about it, or just scared that you would find out?

Unless he issued a strong "No!" then this is showing that he has a weak character, and may not be a good choice for a boyfriend. His character may improve in the future, but that is hard to tell at this point.

I completely understand suffering from depression and anxiety. I did for years, too. Eventually, I turned this all over to God, and sincerely asked Him to deal with it. I had to learn to stop "taking it back" all the time, and since then I am doing pretty good.

My issues began when my wife of 17 years was found out to be cheating. Then she walked out of my house and left me with two hurt teens. (Thanks a LOT!) I muddled through the next few years with my kids, and we all survived.

Now, 15 years later, I have not had a trace of depression or anxiety in at least 7 years, and life is fine. I did not take pills, although I did see a professional for a while. The medical profession cautions me that it could possibly recur, so I am watchful for symptoms, but I am still confident that what God fixes stays fixed.

Hatred does nothing for the situation. I hated my ex-wife and her boyfriend (who used to be a good friend of mine, by the way). But, my keeping up the hatred was one of the things making me continue to go down.

As stupid as it sounds right now, you need to forgive the two of them for what they did. This is not any benifit to them, but of great benefit to you. They must answer for this behavior to God, not to you.

By finding a way to forgive the hurt they laid on you, you give the hurt permission to heal. It cannot heal at all if the flames of hatred keep burning away at it.

Now, this is my personal experience. While I certainly do hope that you can turn this over to God, I do not know what your opinions are regarding God. The advice remains sound, however. I just find that having God help me, it just works so much easier.

Answer 2

I'm sorry you feel such hatred for the girl what she did was wrong, however your boyfriend is also at fault, if he was really committed to you he would not have been tempted by the girl. It sounds to me like he is an equal opportunity operator, and is just looking for action anywhere he can find it. If he was tempted under your roof chances are that he has done it else where, if you haven't already done so kick both of them out and live by yourself until you have found out why you are suffering from depression and anixety, get some help, take care of yourself and get better so you can make healthy choices. I know this is not what you want to hear but it is what you need to hear. It takes two to tango.

Answer 3

A bad President with bad policies. The economy started to take a dive as soon as he was elected. People will argue, but you only have to look at the indicators and the numbers from the govt itself to see how rapidly it started to fail under his watch. After Enron his only option left was to create a bubble in the real estate market by ordering Freddie an Fannie to approve almost any mortgage request they recieved. I don't know anybody that accused him of causing Katrina. The problem was that he appointed unskilled cronies to the departments that should have been planning for just such an emergency. They did no effective planning at all. What does come out of Bush and the republicans is blaming everybody else for their own failures. It seems that every time the Republicans screw up their first answer is to find somebody else to blame it on. It is a truly psychotic behaviour.

Answer 4

It IS your boyfriend's fault! Unless she held him at gunpoint! Listen, I've been with a guy like that. Doesn't take much to see he's a creep, or at best very weak-minded. My husband would NEVER EVEN THINK about letting a thing like that happen, and that's how I like it. So if you value your life and you want to be happy, let this fish go and catch another. Seriously.

PS. According to your avatar it looks like you're a guy. In that case your relationship is an abomination and doomed from the start. Sorry to be blunt, but no good comes from homosexuality.

Answer 5

ouch, it is hard to help someone get over something when the rage is justified.

i would say that if you already suffer from depression that you probably already have a therapist. and that is obviously not helping much.

try a weekend getaway. maybe even one of thoes spiritual retreat type of places.

i had some rage and depression issues and belief in a spiritual power helped me.

pop over to religion and spirituality and ask this again. someone there may be able to help. sometimes just shaving someone to talk to will help.

Answer 6

Hey there, I know how it feels regarding anxiety. U know in urself that you wouldnt do anything like that to her anyway but its the feeling you get that takes control of your thinking.
Have you thought about cutting all contact with that friend? Its upto on how u feel. Try and not worry about her, its just not worth worrying over someone like that.
Goodluck!

Answer 7

best course of action: get a grip on yourself and grow up!

criminy, some of you people are simply out of your minds! holy cow!!! this is childish, soap opera crap!!!

oh, and then there's karen above me telling you that a sky-fairy will help, just mumble into your hands, pretend he hears you and is taking notes, and things will be better later, after he intervenes. yikes!!!!!

for crying out loud, to think the future of this country is in the hands of mindless people like this SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME!!!

Answer 8

hatred will eat you alive..
God is right there to take that feeling away if you ask Him to..

Answer 9

KILL HER!i mean dont really kill her just tell her what you want to say to her... (DJ-MEL)

Answer 10

thats pathetic