Help me please!! MAJOR LIFE DECISION HERE!!!?

Question

The link to my last question is here (other account) http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArJUZlvZmhfzHIzLj2Ggji_sy6IX?qid=20070816222826AABBrCV
Honestly, I really do need help and I'm kind of afraid to talk to a councilor about my situation because I might end up somewhere that I don't want to , I might lose everything, etc. Anyways, I would greatly appreciate an answer to this, because it will basically lead into a result that can change my life. So here's the situation:

Ever since I was two, my mom has wanted to move out with me so we could escape from my dad. Not only does he verbally abuse us and is he an alcoholic, but he also most likely has brain issues....like today he admitted to me out of the blue that he enjoys be antisocial...I was asking him why he refuses to take me to the mall and barely takes me shopping; not only because he's self-centered and usually drunk, but also because he hates being around people. The way he talks, it sounds like he hates EVERYONE....

AND EVERYTHING, including himself. Each day he says something along the lines of "Just let me drop dead, I don't care!!" or threatens that if he had a gun he would use it on himself. It sickens me. Anyways, this isn't the point of the question. It's about escaping. My dad is the one who works and drives. (he works at a very low maintenance job I could say where they even hire people coming in from Africa who barely know English so they can earn money.) My mom can't possibly drive because my dad has lead her to have a bad nervous problem, and she can't work for medical conditions and she's always in a lot of pain. Also, she doesn't have any proper clothing- my dad BARELY buys her any clothes, so she wear the things that others hand down to her or things she has had for many years. Here's the major question(s): If we were to ask someone to get us out, would
A) someone cover expenses for food, clothes, etc.?
B)I still be able to buy new clothes for school?
C) we be able to survive....

without her working since there's no way that she can?
D) would bills for things like my contacts, dental, and doctor's visits be covered?
E) we be able to live in an apartment, or would we have to live in a SHELTER with all our belongings left behind?!!
F) would they separate me from my mom? I could NEVER do that!

If you could give me suggestions I would be extremely relieved. I've lived through this hell for 14 years, my mom is in poor conditions (and my dad rarely brings her to the doctor, if she asks he just yells) and I'm sick of it all.

If we can get out safely, TOGETHER, I'll be 59359610124788 times happier!!

Yeah, for YEARS now, since I was almost too little to understand, my mom and I have DAYDREAMED and IMAGINED how life would be without him, with us on our own. He's on the brink of having his job collapsing, and he is under no condition or ability to get a new one as fast as we need it. I just don't know if such a quick move will make things easier, debt and who knows what else are things I fear. And I'm 14. If I have to move out of my school district I'll be scared too, basically because living with him has caused me to have low self confidence, depression, and shyness. Because I wasn't raised properly seeing his destruction. Seriously, this is too much for me to handle and I'm almost AFRAID to get help.

Answer 1

I amswered your last question.
Be strong and Happy
or just live with the Drunken Bastard.

Dial 911

Just broke her nose is a huge deal.
You can stop the insanity.

Dial 911

Answer 2

Sounds like a pretty serious situation. Being anti social is probably the least of the problems. You should be concerned for your fathers safety and for yours as well. Maybe you should speak to a professional anymously about your father. He may be able to get some help and work things out for you and your family. If you feel the need to leave, that should be something you would have to discuss with your mother. She would have to be the one to make that decision. Is your mother unhappy as well? If she was, there is always help from the government. You have to do for yourself as well though. Perhaps your mother could go to the doctor with help from the government and get on some medication so that she is able to work. No one is going to completely pay your way for everything. If you are old enough and the situation is bad enough, maybe you should think about getting a part time to job to help out. Families should stick toghether and all pitch in. Anything is possible with a lot of determination and hard work.
My suggestion would be to talk to your mother and a school counselor about your situation.

Answer 3

You don't say where you live--in most US cities, help is available ---there is what is called WOMEN IN CRISIS--or WIC. They shelter and provide for whatever is needed. Maybe the county in your area has such a thing. The abusive behavior problem is in all areas of the world...millions of women and children escape it if they will just reach out for the help. try the church for contacts. You cannot be embarrassed or worry about leaving stuff behind--the object is to get away. I don't know why the cops haven't intervened the way they should--all mom has to do is call and report the problems. they may get her a restraining orderto keep HIM away and you stay in the house. The long and short of it is--he cannot do what he is doing and you and mom do not have to endure it. It is up to mom to call. Fear is not an option--you already live in fear. You already have put up with enough of the bad stuff. You and mom need to continue with support for each other--and you need to get tough and report him. There are laws in place all over the world. There is no reason NOT to call--you are not having a normal happy childhood...mom is not having a happy marriage. love is NOT supposed to hurt.

Answer 4

Go to a church.
They will provide you with a place to stay,food, clothes etc.
It you really want out, than why are you mentioning you still want new clothes for school?
Sometimes clothes aren't that important.
Your father needs help.
He needs someone there for him.
My step dad, and mom were always drunk,snorting coke,etc.
He beat the hell out of her,my siblings, and me alot.
He is now a transsexual who is addicted to crack.
My mother is now a coke addict, who is constantly drunk.
I am a recovering drug addict, and a alcoholic.
I have been clean for 7yrs.
I am 23.
I am still there for my parents.
I guess you just can't give up on them.
Their is a far more bigger problem with your dad, that is why he's drinking.
I am telling you this so you know your not alone.
I once told my social worker when I was in school.
Found out that was a big mistake.
They just wanted to put me in a foster home.
So I told them I lied.
Saved my ***.
Any how, like I said the church is your best bet.
They provided us with a hotel room, until they were able to get us in a apartment.
New clothes however, they will not provide.
They have hand me downs though.
Like I said, what is more important new clothes, or somewhere where you feel safer?
Best of luck.
Tell your mom I said hang in there.

Answer 5

you don't say what your age is. you & your mom are in a bad situation. there are shelters for abused women that definitely take women and their children. they will take both of you. (i speak from experience here as my ex husband was abusive so me & my child ended up in a women's shelter).
the women's shelter's are usually in a house with several bedrooms, it is not like the typical homeless shelters where lots of people stay in one room. so it is really bad at all. they will feed you, help you get clothes, & other things. since your mom has health problems they would probably help her apply for some kind of financial assistance, maybe social security disability, and medicaid to help with medical expenses & medications. after a while they may even help you guys find a place to live.

i stayed in a women's shelter with my child for 3 months and it helped me get on my feet and start a new life. if your mom and you decide to look into this, these phone #'s are not in the phonebook since families in these shelters are running away from abusive husbands/boyfriends. you can only find one through the local police department. so if you guys decide you need to escape just stop by the police department or call & tell them you guys need to get out of the home due to an abusive situation. the police will take you to the nearest shelter. it is something to think about. i just said a prayer for your both of you. may god bless and lead you both in a safe, peace-filled direction.

Answer 6

You are so young to go through so much. It is an adult who should be making the decisions. But, sounds like your mom is so emotionally broken down, you in your youth sound mature enough to think things through.. I came from an abusive home, and then married an abusive man.. I didn't have anyone to guide me, or care what happened to my brother and I . First... don't worry about things.. material things.. they can always be gotten again. Teeth can be fixed later etc. There are some really nice people who care in all communities. In churches and organizations. First, it sounds like you need to be safe.. There are safe houses too. Your mom needs too lots of love and support right now. She could be experiencing a panic disorder from the stressors she's experienced. I did.. 26 years.. it left when i left the abuser!.. I have a wonderful husband now. there can be happiness. It takes courage, but you can do it.. talk to your mom.. seek help in the right places. If need talk to a police officer, see if any of his behaviour warrants his being placed in a 72 hr. hold in a hospital or jail.. by the laws you locally are under . i wish the best to you.. I feel a lot of pain and confusion now in you. I know you love your dad.. Sometimes they too need help, and won't take it, nor recognize need it. It could be the start of a better future for all concerned. Waiting till it gets so bad someone is physically harmed to say bad enough, isn't wise.. nor safe Sometimes people hate themselves so bad they lash out at others for no good reason. It is sad, and hurtful. I feel for your mom.. and family.. I know how it feels to hurt so deeply, but i know what freedom and peace can feel like too. Don't run away from home, or such if your thinking of. Face your problems, the courage and strength you develop now will be with you all your life. My daughter said something to me once, that really made me turn around and think. Wisdom isn't just in the aged, some youths are wise beyond their years... Some towns have helplines you can call to locate place you can go to be safe and have shelter. that is the first and most important thing. from there you can get help to plan the next steps to take. You are old enough in most all states, if in the U. S. to decide who you want to live with without problem of being separated from your mom. Do you have any extended family that could help? friends?.... The hardest step to take is the first , but it is the most empowering one!.. Best time for you and your mom is when he is at work to leave, just do it, don't look back, look forward and see it as a new adventure, not fear of unknown.. your outlook will be more positive and hopeful... If you don't have a car.. walk.. go to someone who will help if you ask near by. you both need to get out and NOW. It takes time to get help from Social Security, but, could be avail. or try Social Services for immediate help. Your fastest might be a local church . I'll pray for you...

Answer 7

You and your mom could easily pack some belongings up and have a neighbor store them in their garage or attic... little by little. Your dad probably would not notice their loss.

Your mom needs to collect any kind of bank or retirement account (401K) statements, including paycheck stubs to build her divorce case. She can get 1/2 of all assets acquired during her marriage to this twerp, as well as child support.

The local shelters will take you in, give you counseling, and protect you from any rampages while your mom works towards independence, and will also help her get the divorce.

The other thing you need to get through your head... your freedom and your health are more important than anything else.
Don't be afraid to walk away from stuff. You can replace stuff. In fact, once you and your mom are away from your dad, you will probably have better stuff.

Answer 8

U have to get out
There are programs and centers places you can go to help you and your mom find shelter, money for food, and work
But living there would be a horrible decision.
Your dad's very sick and needs help as much as you guyz do
so you and your mom come first

get out. Go to the cops or a hospital or any place you know would have information to help you live and live a better life.
Then you have to get him in a rehab center or something
But dont stay you'd be better starting off fresh cuz his behaviors will rub off on you and you ll make bad choices
and its probably hard enough on you and your mom!

So dont stay there is hep good luck!

Answer 9

Your dad has some emotional problems. In reality he is crying out for help, but what's more important is the safety of you and your mother. It also sounds like your mother is mentally unable to take deceives steps of leaving him.

Contact your local churches and explain to them of you and your mom are in dire need for clothes and maybe food. I am sure your mother has relatives that can help you. Contact them and explain the situation to them...Speak to your school principal about your family plight...This is hard to really give you more advice, because I don't know how old you are. I will keep you in my prayers..God bless.

Answer 10

Yes if someone help you and your mother to get out of your situation , you will get all the help you need, you will be able to survive, once you and your mom is out of your current situation things may go slow for awhile but as long as your mom doesn't look back things will get better. Your mother would get the type of care she needs. Its organizations out that help abused women and children. Its alot of people who are out to help you, not to harm you. If you call one of those shelters for abused women and children, most like they will send y'all somewhere, he can not find you another state or city, you will not be separated from your mother. I really do hope and pray that you and your mother can get out of this situation before it is to late.

Answer 11

There are help groups available everywhere. look in the phone book under family assistance or women's assistance. There is a group called Al anon that can help you with this dilemma. Do not give up and look close to home. The Salvation Army and the Red Cross may be able to help you or direct you to someone that can.