I was sitting on the couch with my dad tonight talking about movies, books and soundtracks. My dad's the only one I talk to about this because no one I know is interested in it, and neither is he, but he can tune me out but still say "mhm" or "yeah" every once in a while so I feel like I'm talking to someone that's interested in the same things I am. Well, anyway, I have asked him before after we had watched a movie or something what is favorite part was and he always says "I don't have one". But today I asked him if he had a favorite movie: he said no. I asked if he had a favorite book: no. Favorite song: no. It got me thinking. It seems like all he does is work (he is in the automotive business), research colleges for me and my sister, and in general take care of me, my sister, and my mom. I thought about it and it seems like he doesn't do anything outside of this. He doesn't have a hobby. He talks about taking up sailing (something he used to do a few years ago), or finish
2007-09-02 14:19:46 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
ing up the few more hours he needs to get his pilots liscence, or building a model sail boat, but he never does any of these things. I just felt so bad and I wanted to start crying. He doesn't really have a life outside our family. It makes me very sad and I want to let him know how much I appreciate everything he does. Any suggestions?
Also, this has made me think I don't want to have kids. It seems like it completley takes away any sort of life or hobby one could possibly have. Is this selfish? Will I change my mind? Are there any parents out there who still have a favorite movie/book, have friends, go out and dance, whatever? I don't really know what I'm asking, but anyone knows what to say I would appreciate it. I don't really have any friends and I didn't know who else to talk to about this. Thank you.
2007-09-02 14:22:39 · update #1
Oh, no, I didn't mean to make it sound like I took up his time when I'm talking to him. I talk to him while he is working on the computer, so I'm not really bothering him but I still get to talk to someone. I know if he's getting annoyed and then I leave. Just wanted to clear that up...
2007-09-02 14:34:22 · update #2
I know what you mean.
It sounds like daddy has fallen into a very daily routine. Sometimes, parents (especially fathers) feel like they have obligations once kids and marriage come into place. That becomes their only focus because they are afraid to fail.
Make a date with your dad. But make sure you get him to promise he'll go!
Try taking him to a park and toss around a ball or a Frisbee. Or maybe even take him to a toy store and go look at the little model sail boats you can build. Shake him of his daily routine. Ask him to go to lunch with you, or plan a surprise dinner for mom, and get his help.
This is a toughie, my own dad has really gotten into a rut also. It's sad. It truly is. But since you are his family, it's time for you to take care of him you know?
As for kids, I myself am a single mother and I will admit, it gets pretty tough sometimes. But I am still able to shop and dance and my hobbies are horse-back riding and collecting fortune cookie fortunes. My favorite book is Memory Jug written by Ellis Manfiled and my favorite movie is The Little Mermaid.
Parenting is different for a lot of people. Sometimes people only completely focus on their children and some parents are able to balance their personal lives and parenting. It's not easy, but it's not impossible either.
Anyways, give your daddy a good boost and get him living life again, even if you don't see any progress at first, don't ever give up on the man who takes such good care of you.
2007-09-02 14:52:18 · answer #1 · answered by Natalia H 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Is it selfish of you to take up his time? Well, maybe you already have learned by example how NOT to be selfish by your empathy for your dad's selflessness. Your father does what he does, because he was taught this (providing for your family and turning out smart, successful children) is what a man is respected for. Men (be it your Dad or Husband or friend...) seek one thing above all else, that is 'RESPECT'. Men don't much care about anything that doesn't fall under that heading. So, if you want to really show your dad appreciation, show him respect. How do you do that? Tell him how much you admire him, and you've seen how some kids don't have dads, let alone dads that provide so well! It's the equivalant of him telling you how pretty and grown up you are.
BTW, I still have favorite movies, books, and music. It changes every 5 years or so because better stuff comes along/ is made. I've been a mom for a long time.
2007-09-02 21:23:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Write him a letter and tell him how you feel. He's stuck in a rut and feels that he's doing the right thing by doing all that he does, not realizing that he is shortchanging himself. In your letter you can express how appreciative you are and that you'd like to do something out of the house together. Maybe he'd take you sailing? It's worth a try...
I think you're a wonderful daughter for being concerned about him. The strong wave of appreciation should be shared, it will give him a lot of joy!
2007-09-02 21:43:20 · answer #3 · answered by Kim K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know a few guys like that, along with my Dad,and they don't have much interest. Ask your Dad what his favorite kind of boat is since he's into sailing and maybe draw him a picture of his favorite boat, go to google toolbar type in photos and name of the boat and maybe ask him is something bothering you? If so and he won't tell you tell him maybe he should see a doctor for a antidepressant , that is wha I told my Dad to do.
Good luck
2007-09-02 21:33:38 · answer #4 · answered by Hmmm... 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should ask your Dad why he doesn't do things for himself, you may be surprised by his answer. My parents are always talking about how much they miss doing things they used to do before they were married. I felt bad for a while, but then one day, I guess they realized that it was making me feel bad and told me that they wouldn't trade us for anything, that they love us[me and my sister and brother] that they wouldn't want to do anything else. As for a way to say thank you, cook him dinner, tell him that you want him to go sailing, maybe talk to your mom and tell her that you want to figure out a way to get your dad to go sailing..like make it a surprise for him.
2007-09-02 21:48:58 · answer #5 · answered by Becky 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Try giving your parents a date. Make dinner, then grab your brothers and sisters (if any) and go somewhere else and leave them some time alone.
2007-09-02 21:25:43 · answer #6 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
poor guy.
how about if you check into a gift certificate for a sailing day trip. save up for it and just tell him you really appreciate all that he does for you and your mom and sister. tell him you think he deserves a day to himself and just to do something he would enjoy. tell him you love him.
hugs
2007-09-02 21:23:46 · answer #7 · answered by schmoopie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to take a break from work.
2007-09-02 21:26:34 · answer #8 · answered by Good Boy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋