Why should I be the one who has to move out (please read on)???

Question

ive been in this gross situation for a long time: my 23 year old brother still lives with us, along with his 19 year old girlfriend, and their 2 year old son. they pay no rent to my parents even though they both have jobs(unbelievable enough)!! my brother makes plenty of money. and they literally have me as their maid! my brothers gf will never clean up after her son. it makes me so angry that after i vacuum, my nephew will throw food crumbs everywhere or he'll spill drinks and when i mop, he will spill juice on the floor and then i have to do it all over again. not only that, but he does so many things around my house because his mother wont watch him. who cleans up after him??? ME!! and my parents dont do anything about it...they even tell me to clean up after my nephew when he isnt my responsibility. my mom doesnt want to say anything to her son....she doesnt want him to move out!! i cant believe her. my dad isnt home much but he is aware. im tired of this sh!t.

also, my brothers gf is such a dirty person...she never takes otu the trash and she leaves dirty dishes in the room. i take out their trash and wash all the dishes. this is only going to drive me to move away soon after i turn 18 in a few months...but why should i??? my brother is old enough to fend for himself and his family. if i move out i can kiss college goodbye because i will need to get 2 jobs to support myself. but if my parents do nothing, this is what im going to do!!!

i am still in school and im going to get a new job soon...and im still going to have to do the chores around the house!!

it doesnt hurt me to do chores...but it makes me so angry that they do nothing and they act like they have a maid around....but at least i know that when my brother and his gf have their own place, they're going to be miserable because no one wil lbe around to do their chores!!!!!!

im so tired of this, im almost crying as i type this. im 17. i will have to give up college if i move out. and i hope my mom regrets what she is doing to me....she can kiss her lovely daughter godbye!!!!

ive talked to y mom about this, but she wont listen...she decides not to listen to me.....when i tell ehr, she just says that my brother and his gf will suffer once they get their own place.

Answer 1

You don't have to move out cause you're not the one creating the whole situation!
If I was you I would probably stop cleaning after the kid and let his parents take action.
If they don't it's their problem and not yours!
You should stay where you belong,clean up your own mess and let everyone else do the same.
So what if your parents get mad?
Parents always get mad anyway:-)
If they do,try to explain them how you feel...if they don't understand ,let them be mad for as long as they please...again...NOT your problem!
Good luck with that and your new job:-)

Answer 2

Personal I would say I have got a lot of school work and spend all my free time at the libary.
But when at home it is famly. You live there rent free so work is expected.
Make a scheudle. Say I am will to help out but I AM NOT THE MAID.
I will do this and this on these days.
ALL THIS WORK FOR SOME MANY PEOPLE IS HURTING MY GRADES.
That will get mom and dads attention fast.
Even put a big red "F" on a paper and bring it home. Hopefully you are not making F's but getting mom and dads attention is hard.
Tell your Brother your BABY SITTING RATES!
Remember right not TIMES ARE HARD IN THE REAL WORLD. Your whole family maybe doing all they can do.
New Mothers are famous for letting anyone do there work if they can get out of it.
Some are not ready for all the work a kid takes.
Good Luck.

Answer 3

You can go to community college and probably be eligible for all sorts of grants and scholarships.

As long as you are living in the house and providing all the services that you provide why would anybody be inspired to change? You are being a martyr.

Move out. Once your mom has to start cleaning up after her grandchild maybe she will get a wake up call, but seems like the dynamics in your family are very complicated and twisted.

Your dad has "checked out" in every context, so he is not going to be your ally. The problem is with your mother and she has boundary issues. Your brother and his gf are allowed to behave poorly and will continue to abuse and exploit the household until they are no longer permitted to. You and your nephew are the real victims here, and you need support.

However, usually YA is not a place to get serious answers or deep support. Talk with your school counselor to help you find some alternative living arrangement until you are prepared to move out on your own. It can be done.

btw: Who says that life is always fair? That is a fairy tale.

There is hope.

Answer 4

Let me start off by saying that I think you are a wonderful mature person for taking the responsiblity of trying to put order back into your family. It is not an easy job and you deserve lots of credit it for it.

Unfortunetly the truth is:
1) You family has accepted the fact that your brother and his GF are welcomed at the house and does not have to pay rent
2) You are the primary caretaker of your nephew because you have been and they can depend on you
3) You are the maid of the house because your family is already accustomed to the fact that you are dependable

It sounds really bad and I don't blame you for feeling the way you feel. Parents have a thing for loving thier children unconditioanlly no matter how wrong they are. That does not make it right.

I would go sit down with your family and have a serious talk with them. Let them know, nicely, that you are a part of this family too and being a part of the family means everyone needs to help out. Let them know that you have a life that requires time for yourself and that they should not take you for granted. Your family may not really know how you feel or understand so make sure they are aware of it and remember to stay calm and cool when you tell them.

Hopefully your family will choose to change and help you out around the house. If they don't then you really need to consider your future. You can try to go find a job and take yourself out of the picture for being around the house. Or you might consider moving out or staying at a friends place. Your family will finally realize how important you are. Don't let your family get you down know that you are the mature responsible one and that sometimes you cant force things to happen.

Answer 5

Your parents have way more insight into this situation than you do at 17. It sounds to me as if you are jealous of your brother, his gf, and your nephew. Yes, you can move out when you are 18, but it won't be easy and don't expect much support in your effort.
I say, just do like the other person said and get busy so you are out of the house a lot. When you get to college, pick a school where you can live "year round" if you take Summer Classes and those mini semesters.
Good luck!

Answer 6

It sounds like you're very caring person.Your brother is on easy street,Doesn't marry his sons mother doesn't care about his sister and uses his parent,what a bum.You've a huge decision to make if you like being your brothers maid you'll go insane.Talk to your mom and dad without the others there tell them what your intentions are don't put yourself on a time frame though.Plan everything to your advantage.If your mom and dad won't help you ask a close relative if you have one,your only 17 you have a full life ahead of you so don't let those bums screw it up.I feel very sorry for you and hope you make a good decision,talk to your school guidance counselor or your pastor at your church if you don't have a church go to a friends church they can sometimes give the right answers.Think before you act and find someone to lean on.Good luck in life it's full of turns.God speed

Answer 7

Oh, wow, you have so man things going on here. The dynamics in your family are not good, but that's not your fault or your responsibilit to fix. You can refuse to clean up after your brother and his makeshift family, but your parents seem to expect you to do it.

You can move out and still go to college. It will be hard and it will be tight, but, honestly, the sooner you are able to get out of that environment the better. Look at student work programs with the college of your choice. Talk to the college counselor about your situation and your financial needs. They may be able to find you a scholarship or some other solution to your situation.

Most importantly, you need to let your parents know how you feel and why. You also need to let them know what you plan to do about this, even if it means moving. When parents put one child's needs above another it creates horrific situations within a family. It makes it worse when the child is seemingly more mature than the parents.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but do realize that anything is doable. You just have to want it badly enough to go after it. If you want to move out AND get a college education, you go for it!

Answer 8

OK, I read everything you have said,and here it is,STOP CLEANING UP AFTER THOSE LAZY FAT ASSES ANY MORE. Tell your parents that it is not your job, and you will keep your things in order and clean, but from now on those two are on there own!!! I know that you must have some choirs around the house this is fine, but no more. I feel that your parents are taking advantage of you, THE BUCK STOPS RIGHT HERE!!!!!!! Tell them that you want your freedom back, and that you are not going anywhere, if anyone gos its big brother, they can not kick you out till you turn 18, but even then you could put the heat on them. Good luck to you, and I hope all works out for you.

Answer 9

Maybe it isn't fair that you may be the one who will have to move out, but it doesn't sound as if you have many options. Why would you have to kiss college good bye? I went to college a long time ago, true, but we used to go the roommate route. When there are 2 roomies, each pays half of the bills, 3 roomies and each pays a third, etc. You can start at a community college which costs a lot less than a university, go part time, apply for scholarships, grants, etc. It may take you a little longer, but you'll save your sanity and possibly force your family to understand your line of reasoning. Maybe your brother and his girlfriend will finally grow up and learn to use a broom or change a diaper.

Answer 10

You are in a difficult situation. You are right to say that you shouldn't be the one to move out - in these circumstances your brother and his family shouldn't be sponging off your parents like this. It's disgusting that they haven't offered to pay rent and treat you like a skivy.

Number of things you can do:

1. Try talking to those concerned. Explain that you've had enough of being treated like a maid and that you're not prepared to continue mopping up after people. Especially considering you'll have your own life to consider soon enough with college etc.

2. Move out when you're 18 and get yourself work to cover your rent. It may be possible. It won't be easy, but it may be an option.

3. If all else fails, and you stay there/decide to stay there for monetary reasons - refuse to clean up after people. Your parents will eventually get pissed off with their attitudes (believe me, eventually they will want their own space) so at some point they will be on your side hopefully. Refuse to be a doormat. Start rebelling against it all and show them you mean business. Focus on yourself and your education and rise above it all. This won't carry on forever.

Answer 11

You've allowed yourself to become a doormat! You have to lift yourself up and brush yourself off, and tell everyone that you are no longer anyone's maid and babysitter.

Do your share of the work, and then make yourself scarce! Stay at the library, friend's house, or anywhere, but don't stay where you will be tempted to do maid service.

If what you say is right ( and I believe you) then this is very inconsiderate of your parents; your mother, especially. Tell her you are moving just as soon as you can save for an apartment, but let her know that it is unfair for her married son to live rent free, and that you Will be having to pay rent. Stand up for yourself here, dear, no one else in the family will! They will get angry with you, but it's no worse than you being angry with them!

If you decide to stay, negotiate a salary with your brother for taking care of his child and doing maid work. Give him a bill each week, and expect him to pay. You can hold the matter of YOUR leaving over his head.