Where can I get the strength to go through life?

Question

I don't get much strength from family and friends.
(Also, I'm not religious, so don't tell me to pray to gods or something.)

What should I do?

Answer 1

Suicide is not the answer as you already no, things may feel bad at the moment but try this exercise:

1. YOU SIT YOURSELF DOWN
2. GIVE YOURSELF A WHILE TO RELAX, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND TRY TO EMPTY ALL THOUGHTS FROM YOUR HEAD.
3. IMAGINE YOURSELF IN AN EMPTY ROOM, LOOK AROUND, THERE ARE SOME OPEN DOORS BUT OTHERWISE THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE
4. SLOWLY ONE BY ONE EVERY ONE YOU LOVE AND WHO LOVES YOU WALKS IN.
5. THEY CAN NOT SEE YOU, THEY CAN NOT HEAR YOU.
6. THEY ARE TALKING, CHATTING IN QUIET VOICES ABOUT YOU.
7. SLOWLY ONE BY ONE THEY LEAVE THE ROOM, WONDER AWAY, LEAVING YOU IN THE ROOM. YOU CAN NOT LEAVE.
8. AS THE LAST PERSON LEAVES, THEY CLOSE THE DOOR BEHIND THEM.
9. SLOWLY OPEN YOUR EYES AND BRING YOURSELF BACK TO THE HERE AND NOW.

Ask yourself if you wanted to be left in that room, be not seen and not able to speak, how did that feel? Is that what you want for you and all those loved ones?

Now take a deep breath, get up and try and do something take your mind off these suicidal thoughts......
If you cause physical harm to your body in order to deal with overwhelming feelings, then you are not alone. There is nothing shameful about this behaviour. It is likely that this is the only way you have right now for coping with difficult feelings.

However, you may have decided that you would like to change your situation. This outlines alternative techniques that you may find helpful to break the cycle of self-harm.

Try to make yourself safe before reading further. Some of this advice contains material that may temporarily intensify the urge to self-harm in some people.

Self-harm includes the following:
-deliberate physical harm to yourself to the extent of causing tissue damage. (Breaking the skin, brusing, leaving marks that last for more than an hour).
-Causing harm to yourself as a way of dealing with unpleasant or overwhelming emotions, obsessive thoughts or dissociation.
-Thinking about self-harm even when you are relatively calm and not doing it at the moment.

The way you choose to harm yourself could be cutting, hitting, burning, scratching, skin-picking, banging your head, breaking bones, not letting wounds heal and others.

If you self-harm this may inicate that somewhere along the line you did not have the oppotunity to learn alternative ways of coping with overwhelming feelings. People who self-harm are people in pain who have developed self-harm as a coping mechanisim. Whilst being a coping mechanisim however it is also self-destructive. Learning other, less harmful ways to cope can help to break the vicious cycle.

There is evidence that people who self-harm, when faced with strong emotions or overwhelming situations choose to harm themselves because it brings a rapid release from tension and anxiety. These situations cause an increase in psychological arousal, and self-harm reduces that level of arousal, so it feels manageable. The person may feel a release of emotion and may feel guilty or angry with themselves afterwards.

People who self-harm say that self-harm can provide:
-Escape from emptiness, depresion and feelings of unreality.
-A release of tension.
-Expression of emotional pain
-An escape from numbness
-A feeling of euphoria.
-A way of punishing oneself for being 'bad'
-Relief of anger
-A sense of control over one's body
-A way of expressing or coping with feelings of alienation.

When memories, thoughts, beliefs or events are excessively painful, instead of facing them directly and feeling emotional pain, we sometimes deflect distress into pain that seems understandable and controllable, like that of self-harm. The emotional feelings associated with the event that are being avoided get over-ridden by those of the situation you create to distract yourself. It hurts, but it is a controllable familiar hurt, whereas the pain you are avoiding seems scary and overwhelming.

You might feel that if you ever exposed yourself to the emotional pain you would loose control. It is a clever mechanisim. It takes what seems unbearable and transforms it into something you can control. The problem is that when we deflect pain, we never face up directly to what it is that has caused such problems in our lives. This pain then never lessens in intensity. It keeps coming back and the self-harm continues.

Every time you can meet the emotional pain head on and feel it, and tolerate the distress, it looses a little of it's ability to overwhelm you. Exposure over time will build your tolerence to these events and enable you to lay them to rest. The key is learning to tolerate distress.


Ok so you've got probs as me: history of sexual abuse, emotional and psychological abuse, and a history of substance abuse. I have depression, with an anxiety disorder with panic attacks. I am a cutter as well and agoraphobic. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and clinical depression. I have been like this since i was 14 and am now 35. I'm a single mum of a 4 year old, with an ex whose just about to go to jail for a year at least and is a control freak! I've bin single 2 years now. I take celexa and diazepam in large doses and have done for 2 years. (I've just recently cut my dose of celexa without my docs knowledge-naughty but felt it was the right thing to do for me). I've done loads of research on the web and have contact with a lot of PTSD sufferers. I see a psychologist, a psychotherapist, a councillor and a doctor regularly. The only thing is that i don't have promiscuity problems, but the opposite (which is common, over/under eating; over promiscuious or not able to have sexual relationships etc) and that's ok. I have/am learning now how to try to deal with this, and one thing i can definately say is 'willpower' is very important. You have to deal with the here and now first and work your way back. Visualisation, meditation and positive thought patterns are the start.

Most PTSD sufferers have negative thought patterns that started from when the trauma stress began, they become a 'habit' the 'normal' and continue to allow the re-livng of that traumatic event in the concious and subconcious. It's sooooo difficult but you have to retrain your brain to change those negative thought patterns to more positive, less demanding and more accepting. When these thinking patterns are practiced and become the 'normal' thought pattern, then only, can you go back in your mind and relieve the past traumatic events by using the same tried and tested thought patterns. The memory of the event can never be taken away, but i do believe it is possible to recover from PTSD and not need meds or psychological help anymore, but it takes time and a lot of willpower and determination.Here's another answer i gave to a question on PTSD recently,

Inpatient treatment is not required and if anything could make you worse. I also have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse, and have done a lot of research on the treatment of it. No religion or 12 step is of any use and will not help i can assure you. It's impossible to 'block it' but you can learn to move on in your life. You have a future and however grim it may look right now this can be 'managed' to lessen it's grip over you. It's all to do with the circuits in your brain and how they have changed by / since the trauma. The brain has a self-defence mechaninsim that comes into force in order to prevent the trauma from reoccuring. In doing so it keeps the memory alive and fresh, which accounts for the flashbacks and nightmares. These memories can never be taken away, there is no magic wand and, it's not possible to remove these memories by surgical means! I have started to see a psychotherapist who practices The Rewind Technique and i am holding great hope in this for me. Granted, not everything works for everyone but have a look at The Human Givens Institute research here on the internet There is also EMDR, EFT, CBT and other recognised help techniques that are far more scientifically based than the 12 step!! The trick is to retrain the brain so as to make it able to open the neuro-transmitters that are required to allow this memory to be 'cataloged' as in the same way that you would a 'normal' bad memory.


If you want to chat more about this feel free to e-mail me. Good Luck. :))

Answer 2

I assume you are feeling down maybe even clinically depressed. You once had the courage to accomplish great things in spite of obstacles and temporary defeat. It came from an inner drive that everyone has but many forget.

When you were a wee baby you had the goal and the will to first sit up on your own and then to stand and walk. You often fell over and when attempting to walk fell down and/or bumped into "insurmountable obstacles." You didn't die when you fell or even complain much about the hurt, you just "Picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and started all over again." You were a very courageous human being because you soon were able to even run and skip. No one taught you to do this and the encouragement of your parents was not a big factor; you had an inner drive to reach the goals of rising above your difficulty in getting around.

I'm betting that that drive and the goal to "reach for your star" is still there you have just run into a temporary obstacle. You have just temporarily been distracted by discouraging words and perceptions and need to get a renewed view of your life goals. So think about your forgotten hopes and goals, just PICK YOURSELF UP, DUST YOURSLF OFF AND START ALL OVER AGAIN! They are worthwhile goals.

There are many out there who are in the same predicament. It is because society has imposed on us some goals that are not worthwhile to achieving happiness. Your own goals are the source of your drives. Get in contact with these other people. Try contacting them by going to:

www.recovery-inc.org or Tel # [phone] or write to Recovery, Inc., 802 N. Dearborne Street, Chicago IL, 60610.

These are the addresses of a non-profit, non-religious support and treatment group (Recovery International) for people with mental issues. It was founded in 1937 and there may be chapters in your town. Inquire of them.

Hope this helps, good luck, good health, peace and love!

Answer 3

1) Eating a healthy diet.
2) Be nice to your friends and relatives.
3) Go for a walk.
4) Make a list of all the things in your life that are great.
5) Read that list over and over again.
6) Remind yourself you have good health.
7) Go volunteer somewhere.
8) Go to church and listen.
9) Get some St. John's Wort
10) Get off the sofa and do something....write a letter to someone you haven't seen in a long time, clean a closet, get items ready for a garage sale, plan your next vacation, etc,

Answer 4

Join a yahoo group and communicate with people on the web. Also, work on those relationships with friends and family and make them stronger. I don't know what to tell you. When do you feel strongest?

Answer 5

Take things one day at a time, write in a journal and search for people online that you can relate to. Best of luck to you. I have this same issue most of the time...

Answer 6

just go somewhere where you are alone and just sit down and close your eyes and breathe.
you'll find the strength to go on inside yourself

Answer 7

take pills, its the only way i can get through anything.