what's the funniest joke you've ever heard?

Answer 1

Not a joke, but I thought it was funny.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
> GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
> BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
> I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.
>

Answer 2

Probably some inside joke that makes no sense whatsoever, but seem funny at the time.
Those are always the funniest.

There are too many jokes to pick just one.
I always forgot them when people tell me anyway.
If you're looking for good jokes though, check out a joke site.

Answer 3

An American goes into a bar and sits down next to an English guy.

The American notices that the English guy has a huge BIC Lighter.

The American says, "Wow cool lighter, where did you get it?"

The english guy says, "A genie granted me one wish when I rubbed this bottle."

"Wow," says the American, "Can I have a go?"

"Sure," says the Englishman.

The american rubs the bottle and the genie comes out, "You have one wish," said the genie.

The American wishes for a million bucks, the genie grants the wish.

About 5 minutes later a load of ducks come into the bar, there are thousands of them.

The American says, "I don't believe this I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks."

The englishman says, "Well do you really think i wished for a 12 inch BIC?."

Answer 4

Saw this in here one time: Two bothers Pat&Mikey were fishing on one of Irelands biggest lakes. They had their beer, snacks, fishing tackle and are out there for hours before they ran out of beer. Just sitting there Mikey sees a bottle floating by covered in green ,slimey, algae and plucks it out of the lake. What are you gonna do with that old bottle. Nothing Mikey says I just want to see what everyone else is drinking so he starts rubbing the bottle and a genie pops out. He says o.k. guys its the 21st century I'm in a hurry you've got one wish make it good. Mikey yells out make the whole lake beer. Poof the genie is gone and the lake is covered in foam. He turns and says aren't I a genius...Pat looks at him and says Mikey your a fricken idiot, now we have to pee in the boat.

Answer 5

i have a few:

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, like his passengers

Whats brown and sticky? A Stick

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose.

they are pretty lame but they make me laugh which is what counts!

Answer 6

my funniest rhyme....... In the street of a thousand arseholes,beneath the sign of a swinging tit, there stood a Chinese maiden,who,s name was hoo flung ****.

Answer 7

Man lyin on beach naked with his hat over his c***k when a woman passes him and says " how rude u should raise yr hat when a lady passes u" man replies "if u were any kind of lady the hat would raise itself"

Answer 8

How do you fit 3 gay guys on a bar stool? Turn it upsidedown =X hahaha

and to that joke about the lighter, i think it is supposed to be a "pianist" not a BIC

Why couldnt hellen keller drive? Because she was a woman. lol

Answer 9

The one about thefrog.

Answer 10

what do you call a man under a pile of leaves??

russell

i know its lame, but i first heard it when i was about 12 and thought it was hilarious at the time.