My friend, who I have known for more than half of my life, is getting married soon. I just finished school and had to move far away in order to start a new job. I don't have the money to travel (my job doesn't pay much right now) to her wedding and moreover, I don't have enough money to pay for my bridesmaid dress, the hotel, etc. She knows about my situation, since I confronted her with my issue. I don't think she's mad that I can't go, but time will tell. What are your thoughts on the situation. How would you feel if your friend told you she couldn't make it to your wedding because she doesn't have the money? Would you understand?
2007-09-02 04:55:50 · 9 answers · asked by milly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Or does she have a right to mad at me?
2007-09-02 04:56:40 · update #1
I'm heart broken over the whole thing and I know she is too.
2007-09-02 05:00:16 · update #2
I think if you told her you would be attending and be a bridesmaid and then like a week before the wedding you suddenly backed out without warning it would be a little irritating from a planning standpoint.
However, I think as a good friend you didn't do that to her and she understands. Just be there for her in spirit and in ways that don't require a ton of money like calling her to see if she wants planning help and maybe sending her a special "think of you card" before the wedding.
I don't agree with Star that just because she isn't footing the bill she doesn't care. As you well know people don't have cash coming out their ears and she may not be able to do those things even if the desire is there.
2007-09-02 05:32:09 · answer #1 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
This happened to me. My best friend was a bridesmaid in my wedding. Less than 2 weeks before the wedding, she called to say she got a great job opportunity and would need to be in Singapore for the weekend of my wedding. She already had her dress and everything. Of course I told her it was fine, and we are still best of friends. I will admit, when we hung up the phone I cried and narrowly avoided hysterics. However, I asked my ex-bridesmaid to send her dress to another one of my friends who had it altered in record time. I did not offer to pay for the dress, though, since she is the one who backed out, and I did not ask my replacement bridesmaid to pay for it either. That would have been terrible ettiquette. My wedding was still fantastic and I was happy with my beautiful bridesmaids, and there are no hard feelings from anyone.
P.S. Star only says she would pay for her bridesmaid's dress because she has obviously never paid for a wedding before. Wait until the day comes, dearie.
2007-09-02 17:17:59 · answer #2 · answered by Katie G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am treading carefully here when i suggest that if someone already lives far away and the bride really wants her there, well, again, i am being tactful here, the brides family would pay for her to come if she absolutely no way to do this herself. they would pay your ticket, dress, and give you a place to stay. the fact that they did not means i guess that it is not terribly important to them you cant come.
i recall not even going to my own brothers wedding as i had no money to do so. he was not and never has been mad at me. now that i am older and have more money i wouldnt think of missing a wedding.
all i know is my sister ruined two friendships because she decided to have her wedding the same day as two of her bridesmaids graduated law school and had to drop out of her wedding. she was mad at them and they were furious with her and the three of them were best friends and now dont speak. this is a different situation from yours, but, i do know from decades of weddings that people always remember who was there........and who was not. i can still recite every name who rudely did not rsvp my invitation. and i can recite every name who was there at the end of my reception.
i am trying to give you an overview of how people feel no matter what they say, the ball is truly in your court right now. you could spend all this money and never see her again as you live far away now. who knows. or, you could go and it would be the best thing you ever did.
2007-09-02 15:02:56 · answer #3 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Remember friends understand when things like this happen. She knows you would be there if you could. Why don't you do something for her like a scrapbook of memories of your friendship or do a shadow box full of things that remind her of you. Pictures, post cards of places you've been together, matches from your favorite places to eat, ticket stubs from events you've been to......anything that will remind her of your friendship. You can get all of this at a store like Hobby Lobby or Michael's. You must remember she isn't mad at you she just wishes you could be there for her special day. Friends are there through thick and thin. Good luck!
2007-09-04 15:26:34 · answer #4 · answered by NCP 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you be angry over the financial ups and downs and life? It would be inconsiderate and overreaching of your friend to expect you to go into debt. Her options are to graciously accept your refusal or offer to make you a SECRET loan and/or gift to cover your dress, air fares, and so on. If it is a gift, then you'd best regard it a loan anyhow and start saving to pay it back with some equally extravagant gift lest you gain a life long reputation for freeloading. These secrets rarely stay secret.
2007-09-02 12:18:28 · answer #5 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I would NOT be mad and I would totally understand if someone could not be in my wedding because of financial reasons.
2007-09-02 15:40:37 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Frankly, if she were a true friend, she would understand your financial situation. If she really wants you to be in her wedding party, she would pay for the bridesmaid dress (btw, I don't understand this tradition of having the bridesmaids pay for their own dress) and arrange for you to stay with someone for free (instead of a hotel).
I would definitely understand, although, again, I would be the one paying for the bridesmaid dress for my bridesmaid if I ever got married.
2007-09-02 12:04:32 · answer #7 · answered by Princess Leia 7 · 2⤊ 4⤋
You are not the focus of her wedding day,
I'll bet she has other friends or relatives
who can fill in for you.
2007-09-02 12:58:02 · answer #8 · answered by candle 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that the gesture of asking you was out of friendship but if you can go and can't afford it she should understand and make arrangements to accomodate your situation. if she can't afford that, you should also understand.
2007-09-02 12:47:48 · answer #9 · answered by just me 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋