What must a discreet bisexual (who is more attracted to men than women) do to face life at his age of 30 because he is apprehensive on having a relationship with a girl because of this male attraction tendency. This is attributed to his child history of having a father who abandoned him at a young age and male family friends who exploited him discreetly as a child. He looks straight but a gay person would likely smell him to be gay because he rarely goes out with women on dates and prefers to be alone and has no interest in sports activities at all which men usually talk about. right now, he is into gay porn and stuff and had more encounters with men than women but the sad thing is, after doing the "thing" with a guy or even self-gratification such as mastur---n, he feels the release and is guilty of doing such and thinks he would never be happy with a homo relationship, i mean its just a libido release. pls help him face the pressure of being married or coping with guilt feelings.thnx
2007-09-02 03:46:47 · 17 answers · asked by Irvin G 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I'm assuming that it is you that you are speaking about. Firstly, there is no certainty about what makes someone gay or straight, but it is likely a mixture of genetics and experience - but not the obvious stuff like being abused (some men abused as boys by men are gay, others can't stand men and are ultra-straight; some boys abandoned by fathers aren't very interested in men while others spend their lives looking for a man to accept them, sexually or by esteem). However our sexuality is constructed, what we do know is that it is hard - probaby impossible - to change. Some people are attracted to both sexes; others, like I think you, are really gay but have enough attraction to the opposite sex to try to convince themselves that they could be straight.
Sexuality and sexual pleasure are bound up with so much junk in our culture that probably the majority of people feel guilty about some aspect of how they express their sexual feelings. Try to tell yourself that it is entirely normal and natural - because it is. Whatever you do, don't get involved with and marry a woman unless you can be 100% honest with her and be certain that she can accept you having at least sex and probably love affairs with men, because that is what will happen. If you are not completely clear with her, you will wreck her life and yours and then you really WILL have something to feel guilty about - doubly so if children are involved.
I would strongly recommend that you see a psychotherapist to talk about how you feel and work through some of your guilt. You're only 30 and you have plenty of time to do some solid work in psychotherapy AND to find a loving life partner of whichever sex you happen to fall in love with. Because ultimately this is all about love, not about sex.
2007-09-02 04:33:14 · answer #1 · answered by Ambi valent 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is pretty much hard for anyone reguardless if the person is a man or woman. We all have to deal with it and I know exactly how you feel. It seems that you knew of the problem, but was unsure as of how to approach properly... from knowing the obsticle and its hardships. From looking at this, I see that you had taken the time to know yourself as many other bisexual men/women would do. You indeed had started a pace for yourself to know those feelings... but in the end just ask yourself this question: Can you really live for the rest of your life living in fear and axiety?
In the end, all it matters is of your personal growth and your happiness. Know that love knows no bounds, sex, nor age... and that there isn't any law that says you can't be who you are. You have wisdom, experience and, of course patience that you came this far on that burden road. Don't ever felt ashamed of being who you are. You will find that special someone one day and be proud of you being. You must look on the bright side of things and patience has its rewards.
2007-09-02 04:16:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like "he" is attempting to force himself straight. This can't be done and is a waste of time. I think that the reason for wanting to be with a woman is the fear of not being a father or having a family. Within the examples that I have seen homosexuals seem to be much happier than those of a heterosexual nature. They have better, more loving, and longer relationships than most. If they choose to be parents they adopt or get a surrogate. Don't feel guilty for doing what makes you happy. Friends and family will accept it eventually if this is the lifestyle that you choose. Don't force yourself to be with a woman if that isn't where you really want to be; your just going to end up breaking her heart by not being honest with her or yourself. If I'm wrong about this then you're alternative is marrying a woman who you are completely honest with, telling her about your tendencies, and having a some what open relationship to fulfill your lustful desires. Woman like this are hard to come by so good luck with that. Personally I think that you should just "come out." You will be much happier in the long run. Best of luck to you.
2007-09-02 04:05:44 · answer #3 · answered by Amanda 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You should not feel bad about having feelings for men. There is nothing wrong with it. Maybe you could find other guys in the gay/bisexual community to help you feel ok. If you really do feel that way, you should tell the woman you are seeing, and probably tell your family. Good luck with this whole thing =]
2007-09-02 04:06:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What this man needs to do is learn to accept his homosexuality. Counseling is probably in order. If this man is married and having sex with men (or other women), he needs to get a divorce and stop exposing her to possible STDs, and generally making a mockery of her and his marriage.
The reasons why you're gay aren't nearly as important as the fact that you are. Being able to 'pin it' on something won't change a thing. There are going to be people who'll refuse to forgive or accept you no matter what excuse you give them. You're just going to have to learn the coping skills to be able to handle it. It's only being gay. It's not a crime. It's who people are. You need to accept yourself so you can move on into a more healthy sex, love, and emotional life. Being closeted only leads to high risk type behaviors.
Get some counseling!
2007-09-02 03:59:00 · answer #5 · answered by IAINTELLEN 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What is "gay lifestyle"? That sounds like some stupid term than a very ignorant person would use. And "sexual preference"? I don't think gay people really have a choice, they are attracted to the same sex, and that's how it is!
2016-05-19 03:15:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One doesn't choose to be gay. One is gay, but because of things that happened in the past, your friend doesn't understand that. There are many abused boys who grow up straight. One was very close to me.
Your friend needs to go to a therapist, but in the absence of that, find a group that may have gays (theater, arts, liberal politics, even some gyms and churches) and get involved. I think your friend is so afraid, all he can find are creepy gays who are hiding like he is. There are lots of creeps, gay and straight, but the only way he'll meet nice people who can help him is to go to places where nice people associate. If he does that, he'll be fine, and will someday laugh at his self-hate.
2007-09-02 03:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by Onlooker 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is definitely not something you can just puzzle out for yourself. It is ultimately your own decision, but there's no way for you to learn more about this and help make a decision regarding your feelings than by reading about it or talking about it with other people.
Read forums on the internet, post questions, go to your library, prayer - great advice there, perhaps speak with a counselor.
But don't beat yourself up over feelings.
2007-09-02 03:59:48 · answer #8 · answered by draftingtableX 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is not your life experiences that make you gay or bi it is just the way you are born. The person needs to come to terms with what they are. There is no shame in being gay or bi or straight for that matter. We are all who we are and no matter what that will not change. Maybe a little therapy would help the person come to terms with it all. take care good luck.
2007-09-02 03:57:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think he just has to come to terms with his sexuality. He should face the fact that many, MANY people enjoy watching and getting off to gay porn. It's pretty normal in my eyes. Anyway, sexuality can be confusing to some. I'm pretty content with being gay, but obviously, your friend is feeling a bit in between with his sexuality. Just reassure him that many, MANY people are bisexual especially women, and that he is quite normal. Many people out there are wondering what they should do with themselves, but they need to learn that it's normal and you can't change it, and try and reach out to others like themselves.
Good luck with you and your friend! =D
2007-09-02 04:15:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋