I hope my daughter is sensible enough never to get married she is?

Question

29 years old, and has stated to many people she will never have children. I support her decision with this. She is a carreer girl and already has to much to put at risk, should she ever decide she should most certainly have a pre-nup. But I have pointed out to her how happy and unemcumbered she is at the moment. It would be a pity to spoil something good? what do you think

Answer 1

it's totally up to her, Mr right may come bounding around the corner and sweep her off her feet next week. We find love when we least expect it, I did!!!

As long as she's healthy and happy, that's all that matters, if marriage comes along even better as she has someone to share her life with.

Answer 2

Fiona, It sounds like you have gone through a lot and have a lot of bitterness. I'm truly sorry for whatever happened to make you feel this way.

I'm sure you love your daughter very much. Please don't push her away by trying to make decisions for her like this. It comes across as very controlling. I wonder if her decision to "never" have children may stem from the way she feels you are treating her.

I'm not saying that a woman has to be married to be a total person. Plenty of people are single all their lives and are happy and successful. On the other hand, there are plenty of people who are married and happy. The trick is to find the right person and have both parties work daily to keep that marriage strong. She probably does have something good going on, but who's to say that getting married won't make that something good in her life even better?

Your daughter is 29. There's nothing wrong with her wanting to focus on her career, but it shouldn't be her only focus in life. Some time in the future she may decide she does want to get married and have children. Trust her to make the decision that is right for her and be supportive.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I say let your daughter live her own life. Many career women have families also. If she decides to get married, be happy for her & think of all of the good things that can happen instead of all of the negative. Do you want her to be alone for the rest of her life? Think of how lonely she might get. Yes, if she is that much a career girl, then i would think about a pre-nup, but again, it's HER decision. If she feels she can trust her man, then you should as well. You should be her supporter in ALL that she does not just what you want for her.

Answer 4

u seem to be very proud of ur daughter and also living ur life vicariously thru her. perhaps u feel that u gave up living what u call a good life to have her, thus u are degrading the contribution u made as a mother and have also shown ur daughter that material things are the only measure of success. if she lost all she has tomorrow wd u then say 'ok honey now get a family coz u have nothing else?'

i feel that it is not ur daughter but u who is making the decisions abt not getting married, having kids and the pre-nup thing. will they be enough when she is old and mom already died of old age? u lived ur life it amy not have been the best but u need to let go ur daughter

Answer 5

I know lots of women who have said they would never have children and then they meet the right man and end up very happy with children. It's really up to your daughter and her future husband. It sounds odd for a mother to be so happy for her daughter to be unencumbered.... you'd think that you'd want her to have a partner to share her life with, and perhaps children who bring such happiness to parents. It almost sounds like you have had an unhappy marriage and are perhaps not wanting your daughter to make the same mistakes as you... particularly when you say you hope she is sensible enough never to get married and it would be a pity to spoil something good. I'm sorry that you have had an unhappy marriage - but there are thousands and thousands of people who do find extreme happiness and fulfillment by finding a partner to share their lives with. I hope you don't discourage your daughter from finding someone to share her life with. It's lonely being all alone.

Answer 6

Do you feel you made a mistake by marrying and having children? Because it sounds like you're projecting onto your poor daughter. If she decides to get married and has assets to protect, then yes, a pre-nup might not be a bad idea. Tell her to talk it over--with her fiance and a lawyer.

Otherwise, a bit of advice from someone in your daughter's position: step back, and let her make her own decisions about her life! It will save her years of therapy bills.

Answer 7

Good heavens! There are so many more reasons to get married than to have children! And it's beyond foolish to given up the wonders of love to protect financial assets.

I never wanted children, and have a very good career. I am 48 years old and getting married for the first time in the spring. I'm not marrying him to have children, and I make twice as much money as he does. I'm marrying him for the emotional support, for the joy I feel when I'm around him, for the mental stimulation generated by our conversations, for the amazing comfort that comes from knowing there's someone who's got your back no matter what. I'm marrying him because I can't imagine him not being there, because I want to grow old with him, because he rounds out my life, gives me perspective. Love is so powerful. Don't encourage your daughter to forgo that. I nearly did, and it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.

Answer 8

I think its sad that you see a family life as a down fall. I think that you should support her no matter what way she goes. Maybe shell look back on her life one day and wish she had had a baby and a husband. Of course she is happy and successful now but what if she sees that as an advancement. You should have a more open mind than to just see it as "barefoot and pregnant" it's more to a marriage and a child than that. Plenty of working women have children and families and are happy. And I know plenty (in my family alone) who long for that same happiness who just have a career or job and would like to have a family.

Answer 9

Your daughter may be happy with her life, if so I am pleased for her.
Having said that, if she falls in love with someone she will be far happier as love between 2 people is far more satisfying and fulfilling than a career could ever be. Love will not spoil anything; it provides comfort in times of sadness and shares the joy of achievements and times of celebrations.

I appreciate you want your daughter to be a high achiever but cannot believe you would wish love to be with-held from her. I suspect you have been hurt in a relationship.

Answer 10

I think you have poisoned your daughter into thinking she can never be happy with a life partner at her side. She now thinks that all that matters is her pile of stuff, and not the joy and happiness a good relationship with a husband can be. How long ago did you divorce, mom? Pretty bitter was it? So now you have to kill any chance for your daughter to find real happiness.
That's just sad.
Even if you find this answer honest, and consider giving me the 10 points, don't bother. I don't want them from the likes of you.

Answer 11

fiona, I am sorry that you feel that your daughter will be treated as you have been. I was in the middle of posting an opinion to a former question of yours, but the Yahoo community felt that it did not meet it's guidelines, and was removed.This is their site, so they can do as they choose obviously. I have read some of your prior questions and hope that you had the chance to read the response from NiC, before it was removed. I think her advice was worth taking into account. I feel that you might be clouded in your judgment towards men, in regards to your horrific treatment by your former husband. I am not judging you, for it is not my place to do so. I do hope however, that your daughter not be swayed by your past experience. I hope she has an open mind, and does not judge all men as the same.I am sorry you feel compelled to transfer your viewpoints regarding men onto your daughter. I am a woman who has suffered through some events in the past, however, I am trying to learn how to pick and choose my battles, and not label all people as one in the same. In this day and age, a woman can have it all, if she so chooses, a career, family, and social standing. Not all women need to marry or want children to be complete, I understand that, and that is their individual right, and totally acceptable. I do hope their decision is based however, through an open mind, and not through others experience.