2007-09-02 00:04:25 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Ensure that her mother is around (and in agreement with your meeting your daughter) when you first meet her so she can introduce both of u. Next thing, arrange a meeting at a comfortable place where you can have a chat with them both. Next step, you can meet your daughter alone and say anything you wanna say, like how you feel about her and what you've resolved to start doing with/for her henceforth, and make sure it's the truth!
(Why did it take you a decade anyway...?)
2007-09-02 04:34:54 · answer #1 · answered by n1a2n3a4 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Meeting for the first time ---introduce you self--- leave the father out --- let her decide if she wants to call you dad... If she extends her hand-- accept her hand....Let her hug you first...Please don't be standoffish......
Josh --- Pick up your daughter and plan a day with her... Don't stay more than a few minutes.at the house... Being invited in --coffee and drinks is not why you are their.... You are about to go on a date with a 10 year old.... Wear nice clothes -- no jeans and no tee shirt.. Do not do childish things-- I mean nice dinner-- real nice resturante---a walk in the park?? don't take control of the conversation.. You open doors -- she holds you on the arm--- hold hands when walking....Please treat her like a lady ...State Fairs ferris wheel -- win a quipie doll -- that would be great...-- ..
No movie---can't talk>>>>..
.Worse comes to worse ice cream always hits the spot... ... museum .. of any sorts if grreat... Tell her to let you know about bathroom breaks...
It will be a little awkard at first... Once again one minute at the house --gone..
One topic of any discussion you do not talk about is you current girl friend or wife.....
2007-09-02 01:56:54 · answer #2 · answered by Gerald 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im a 28 yr old daughter who met her father for the first time in 23yrs. Im trying to remember back to ten and think how I would have felt but it doesnt really matter because everyone is different. All I can say is that you have to follow her lead......feel free to say sorry if you need to but I wouldnt go into any excuses or blame on another person. whats done is done and now you must look to the future.
I wish you all the best. Take care xx
2007-09-03 07:55:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very difficult question. You have not given a reason why you have not seen her in ten years which makes it harder to answer.
However, I think you need to start by trying to be a friend rather than a father. Once you are friends the rest will come naturally. Ask her if she would rather call you Dad or by your given name. Ask her about her friends, school, pets, anything really but keep it very light.
Take her to McDonalds & try to get her to do the talking but most of all do net expect her to immediately like you or vice versa. These things take time.
Good Luck
2007-09-02 05:52:14 · answer #4 · answered by monkeyface 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At 10 she doesn't want to feel like you are a teacher or some weird person questioning her all the time. Make a list of questions you want to know about her, her life, her friends, her favourite music, what she likes best to eat, her favourite movie, what she wants to be when she grows up, what her favourite colour is, which teacher she likes/doesn't like at school, etc...just sit and think about all the things you want to know. Also make a list of all the great stuff about yourself you did as a kid or what you have been doing the past 10 years that she would be proud to tell her friends about, throw in a couple of funny stories about how you got in trouble for this or that....and how you managed to annoy your mum or dad by doing this or that.....she may be just as nervous as you.
If all you get is a shrug and a grunt from her for the whole of the time at least you can ease the tension by switching to something about yourself and she WILL remember it. She many not warm to you straight away but give her time and she will absorb your information and notice that 'hey he is interested in ME'.
If she asks why you have been absent as she will eventually do...then tell her without any blame on you or her mum...as she may well feel you are trying to pull her away from her mum and she will not appreciate that. Just be adult about it and say it just didn't work or whatever.
I suspect you wont get that sort of question unless she is feeling some sort of aggression or insecurity about your meeting. Best advice is don't bring that up until she brings it up!
Make this first impression one that will last....one where she sees you as a nice happy friendly well balanced and positive person she would WANT in her life. Not one who is whining and whinging about her mother or is so dull and boring she falls asleep!
She will want to take home some stories about what a great guy you are. Don't spoil her on the first meeting either....buying her gifts and sweets and toys and taking her out to movies only sets a pattern where she either thinks you are a soft touch for cash and presents or you are trying to buy her affection. Kids aren't stupid like that they WILL take advantage!!!
Plan a day if you are allowed to take her out on your own...like to a zoo, cinema is a no no as your time will be taken up with watching a show not communicating. Take her to a restaurant - McDonalds is a 'safe' sort. Take her to a petting zoo or the ice-rink or bowling....anywhere there is an atmosphere of 'family fun'.
Good luck and don't worry - If you are meeting her now, at least you are making an effort and should be proud of that. Some fathers never get in contact again!!
2007-09-02 00:23:25 · answer #5 · answered by Confuzzled 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Be friendly and keep calm. Keep the conversation going and let her do much of the talking- you are the adult, so it's most important you accommodate what she wants to know. First impressions count so be on your best behaviour. Don't criticise anybody to her, ex wife or girlfriend etc or any other relatives as this will upset her. If she is annoyed with you, let her be and just listen. Find out what she likes and praise her as much as you can. The next time it will be much easier and don't forget- she's got your genes- so don't be surprised if she's a lot like you!
2007-09-02 00:13:08 · answer #6 · answered by brainlady 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Phew!! Was that a long confinement or what?
I don't think that the clothes we bought you are still gonna fit, but your Mum's quite small, so you may be able to use some of her stuff for the time being.
Of course its really great to see you, and I don't want to make any fuss (being as we've just met an' all), but I hope your not going to be this late for everything we arrange for you!!!
2007-09-03 10:23:00 · answer #7 · answered by jacyinbg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know what you facing josh and it is scary.
i don,t know what you would say.
i have to do the same myself in a couple of months.
just in retaliation of rammie 18
my daughter is 8 and i have been fighting to see her for the last 5 years.
i left the mother when she was 3.
for no reason at all the mother refused to let me see her.
i,ve had to have police injunctions put on the mother to keep her away from and all sorts.
i have been in court for the last 5 years.
i have been writing to my daughter for the last 3 years.
never had a reply.
send her presents at Christmas birthdays,and Easter.
i have been told by the courts that by Christmas i will be allowed to see her.
that's if the mother lets me
i just wanted to point out to rammie 18 that its not always the fathers fault.
well like i said josh i know what your going though i,m absolutely shitting myself about meeting her for the first time i don,t know what to say.
i,m so scared
i hope it all goes well for you and the very best of luck.
2007-09-02 00:29:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to gently ask her a few questions about herself. Be prepared to answer questions, about why she hasn't met you before. Take it softly softly. Find out what her interests are and take her somewhere nice. Hopefully, this will be the first meeting of many and so in theory, you have all the time in the world. Good luck.
2007-09-02 05:16:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
considering i don't know the circumstances, i'm not sure
if the mum left with the daughter, without the father knowing, then its very difficult. this happened to my friend, she was with her dad when she was too little to even remember. shes now 17 and met him last year, they don't talk much at all but she wants to meet him properly again soon. its not by any means his fault he never saw her, according to my friend he did try and find her but wasn't lucky enough.
i'm also 17, i know thats older then your daughter, but if i was in her situation i'd want an explaination and comfort.
i'd want to make sure, after this disruption, he stays, and doesn't screw me around. he'd have to make up for the time he wasn't there, no that doesn't mean presents, although i think it would be nice if you got her one, to show her how much you care. it just means spend lots of time with her now. read to her, take her on picnics, shop with her, take her to the pools... whatever shows her you care and want to be with her. she'll need it. shes probably very scared and nervous.
just don't do anything to hurt her.
and educate her about yourself, and be willing to learn about her!!
good luck
2007-09-02 00:24:52 · answer #10 · answered by hexkitti 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋