best one gets best answer, please star it
2007-09-01 23:55:18 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
An elderly couple out for an evening stroll in the old neighborhood end up sitting in a pub, which was their old hangout in days gone by..
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern and I made love to you against the back fence."
“Yes, she says, "I remember it well"
"Ok," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!"
Mean while..there's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself.
He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers trying to go at it.
I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."
So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.
Finally they get to the back of the tavern. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching Policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about forty minutes.
Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about Life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The Policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing I've got to ask them what their secret is.
As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
2007-09-02 00:05:35 · answer #1 · answered by Polo 7 · 3⤊ 4⤋
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish rectory. He had a **** rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the **** rooster was missing and the priest suspected that was the time the **** fights occurred in the village.
So he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a ****?" All the men stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a ****?"
All the women stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a **** that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my ****?"
All the alter boys stood up.....
2007-09-02 05:31:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bill Gates dies and is up at the pearly gates.
St. Peter: Well, you've got a choice. Have a look around here. Pop down to Hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check us out, and then let me know your decision.
Bill has a look around heaven. Lot's of somber people singing hymns, praising the Lord . He goes down to Hell. There are beautiful beaches, lots of sun, sand, attractive women . Long cool drinks that never get you drunk. He loves it. He goes back to St. Peter.
Gates: Look, I know you're really doing good things here, but Hell seems more with it. More my kind of scene, you know what I mean? No hard feelings, but I pick Hell.
St. Peter: No worries. You've got it.
Bill finds himself back in Hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. He can't figure it out.
Gates: Hey! St. Peter! Where are the beautiful girls and long beaches and cool drinks?
St. Peter: Sorry if you got confused, That was just the demo version.
2007-09-02 00:23:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Do you have to tell it all?
Where do you get the glaring right
To make my clothes look too darn tight?
I think I'm fine but I can see
You won't cooperate with me,
The way you let the shadows play
You'd think my hair was getting gray.
What's that, you say? A double chin?
No, that's the way the light comes in,
If you persist in peering so
You'll confiscate my facial glow,
And then if you're not hanging straight
You'll tell me next I'm gaining weight,
I'm really quite upset with you
For giving this distorted view;
I hate you being smug and wise
O, look what's happened to my thighs!
I warn you now, O mirrored wall,
Since we're not on speaking terms at all,
If I look like this in my new jeans
You'll find yourself in smithereens!!
2007-09-01 23:59:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
a blonde takes her dress to be dry cleaned.she tells the chap behind the counter.
"i want this dress to be dry cleaned".
the chap was hard of hearing so he says,
"come again".
to which the blonde answered.
"no, it's mayonaise this time".
2007-09-02 00:23:45 · answer #5 · answered by xyz 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
what's green and smells of pork?
kermit's finger
2007-09-02 01:34:46 · answer #6 · answered by white_funny_girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋