I am 27, have been living in my parents' home since I graduated from college 1 yr ago. I've been working a good full-time job but I'm getting restless. I feel like I'm not really doing anything. So I'm looking for a new job and I may move across the country to be with my boyfriend (we are in a long-distance relationship). Problem is, my parents hate my boyfriend. My mom supported my decision to find a new job until she realized it would be near my bf. She ranted about how we're going to live together, which is not my intent until we are married, how he is going to be a deadbeat, which he has never been. My parents want me to marry someone rich, same ethnicity, religion. He's none of these, but I love him. Parents don't like him b/c he's working a lower level job not in his field. My mom told me she would not attend our wedding if we got married. I feel trapped. I want a life of my own but I feel like I should honor my parents. Can I resolve this without angering them?
2007-09-01 16:17:48 · 10 answers · asked by citrus 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You CERTAINLY are old enuf to do as you wish. Went to college, worked full time, BUT still living at home. How you've done it this long, you deserve a medal! I believe since you HAVE lived at home all these yrs., they are obviously having a hard time accepting the FACT you no longer are a child! They have no rite or respect for you not to be able to make your own choices at 27 yrs. of age. What in the world more can they "dictate" to you! I just believe since they are use to having their "child" w/them all these yrs. they do not realize, hey I've grown up mom & dad. You surely do have the rite to choose your direction in life. Of course every parent wants the best for their children, but comes a time to "let go"...Not everyone is able to work in their "field", but at least he's working & no doubt w/achieve his goals at some time in the future. Yes, "children" should honor their parents, BUT, within reason. They're just plain dictation your whole life to you to be "cut out" of their mold. What about you? Don't you have any say in your own future for heavens sake. Enuf is enuf, & IF your mother doesn't "choose" to attend your wedding, give you the respect you deserve, the rite to make your own decisions in YOUR life, then that's on her. I would suggest you tell them you have the mentality to choose whom you love & what life style you want. They are NOT being fair to you, & I honestly don't think you should feel any guilt in living your life the way you choose it, be w/whom you choose to be with, & live where you want.Tell them you would love them to wish you the best & to trust you to make your own choices, but you feel you need to do this for you. I have 3 married children & would NEVER get involved w/their choices they've made in life. IF I tho't they were making a life threatening choice I sure wld. give my opinion & explain why. But they are asking too much of you at your age. Honestly, you NEED to get out on your own, regardless of where you go. You NEED to let them KNOW you're an adult now. Don't feel any guilt for doing what you NEED to do for YOU. You've got to get away from their "grip" they have on your life. Do NOT "allow" them to put ANY guilt trips on you whatsoever. You've been "home" far too long & I truly believe that's the ONE biggest problem period. Best of luck to you, & take care of YOU. What they say or do is on them, not you. They are controlling you & have no rite to do so at your age. What you do is YOUR choice, what they do about it is THEIR choice.
2007-09-01 17:07:41 · answer #1 · answered by Sue C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very much a regional thing, depends on how big a place you are getting, how many people live there, etc. Here are my costs for a 2BR in Chicago suburbs- Electric ranges from $40 to $90 (that's in the summer when the AC is going all the time) We don't pay for heat, the apartment covers that. Which is a really good deal because gas heating can go up to $200-300 a month in the winter. Water/trash will be about $20 a month, but again, our landlord rolls that into the rent so it's not out of pocket. Phone/DSL- $50 bundled Cable- $60 Renter's insurance- our landlord requires it but I highly recommend it anyway- $20 a month
2016-05-19 01:02:08 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are over 18 and your life is your own. You have to take responsibility for your decisions and the quality of your own life. It really is time to get out of your parents' house.
As far as the long-distance BF, I would definitely suggest taking it slow and getting to know him thoroughly. It is very possible that the "new" will wear off with proximity. Quite frankly, I would NOT suggest moving to another state to be near a boyfriend.
If this guy really loves you, he will come visit you and try to find a job in your area. Make him earn your love and trust. At your age, I would also suggest a background search as well, because 27 is old enough to rack up quite a history, including children to support and arrest record.
I agree with your mother that living with a guy is not wise... it would be selling yourself short, and would lose the guy's respect for you... it never works.
I would suggest getting your own place closer to your parents' house... perhaps in another town nearby... just to give you the look and feeling of being on your own. Find some social activities where you can meet other people... perhaps a professional group.
2007-09-01 16:37:03 · answer #3 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you are 27, so, when are your Parents going to cut their apron strings from you and let you make the decisions of your Life by now. If your parents feel that you do not make a good judgment concerning who you want to spend your Life with, than I think you should move from their side, and start being a Mature Adult that you are. If you do not move from their side they are going to ruin your Life, and you will become an old maid, since that is what it looks like they want you to be.Sometimes we, Parents think we are always right when it comes to our Kids, but we need to realize that it is their Life, and we need to let them make mistakes of their own if need be. So, what I would suggest is that you need to Harden your Heart and move from your Parents side, so you can start living your Life as you would want to do, Just go and do not look back. I hope that you will be able to be Happy in the Future with your Boyfriend.
2007-09-01 16:44:06 · answer #4 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that is a real controlling mom you have--you have got to stand up and do what is right for you. Don't worry, they will see it different as time goes on. If not--tooo bad. Ask yourself if ythis guy is right for you because he is what you want--not just to be in a battle to see who wins. Don't move in with him--get a committment and marry----moving in is a convenience for him and you MAY GET TRAPPED with him--worse than at home. Time for you to go but go and take care of yourself--don't jump in with this guy for the sake of hurrying--that could be a mistake after you make the big move. Enjoy your new job--get settled--relax--make the plans that YOU want when the time is RIGHT. Good luck
2007-09-01 16:27:43 · answer #5 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't resolve this without angering them. You need to be true to yourself and make a decision about this. But you should also know that often this kind of talk from parents is a lot of blustering and they often come around in time when they get to know the guy better or when they see that they will be cut off from you if they don't accept him.
2007-09-01 16:26:26 · answer #6 · answered by Serious Trouble 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
most parents never feel the guy/gal we are going to marry is EVER good enough anyway. You have your right and freedom to choose. Whoever you marry seems ALL RIGHT at that point in time ... but the challenge is to work hard on the marriage (or relationship) to keep it going "happily ever after" And no matter who you end up with, don't worry - parents eventually, always accept your choice/decision
2007-09-01 16:28:52 · answer #7 · answered by PikC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every generation has objections about their children getting
married. I am sure if you asked your grandparents, what they
thought about your parents getting married. I'm sure they had
some disagreements also. Having your schooling out of your
way, and you do not intend to be living with your boyfriend.
Sounds like you have your future well planed, and it is time to
make your future as you see fit. They may be angry at first,
but when the grandchildren start coming. they learn how to
"adjust" with the situation. And learn to love you for who you
are. God bless you. <}:-})
2007-09-01 16:32:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take advice from the ungodly. And pay the price later. What i am saying is "Parents are more often correct. Than they are wrong"
2007-09-01 16:24:30 · answer #9 · answered by MS Williams 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are entitled to how they feel about your boyfriend.
You're entitled to live your life the way you want.
Should you listen to what they have to say......yes.... because they may have a point.
Should you do what they say.....no.....because you're an adult and you have to live your life the way you want.
2007-09-01 16:22:40 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋