In July, I was a victim of an aggravated sexual assault, but have since dropped the charges (I simply cannot speak of it, if the subject even comes up I go mute ... the only place I've even brought it up is here). My husband is now saying that I must've slept with the guy on pupose, nevermind the horrible bruises and egg on the head from being hit with a gun.
He's saying my choices are to restart the case or get out of the house, and since everything is in his name, the law will help him. I have nowhere to go, and I won't leave my little girls. I can't get help from counseling, I've tried numerous times but no one will help me. Will the law indeed back him up on this?
2007-09-01 15:55:08 · 16 answers · asked by Lisbeth 3 in Politics & Government ➔ Law Enforcement & Police
Of course not. It doesn't matter if everything is in his name. It doesn't matter if he holds all the titles to everything. Every thing that has been acquired since the first day of your marriage will be divided in half between you two. He also will be paying spousal support AND child support.
You really have to be strong, pursue the charges, and put that pig in prison. There will be MORE victims if you don't. You absolutely have to proceed with the charges.
2007-09-01 16:05:02 · answer #1 · answered by OC 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well, there are a few things here that do not add up. If you were the victim of an aggravated sexual assault.. that is a really hard experience to go through. I am not going to say I understand; however there are a few things you need to know. I talk straight, do not mince words and rarely do I sugar coat anything. You're a big girl, you need to just buck up & listen:
1. Dropping the charges against someone that raped & beat you is letting them rape you again. Going to trial can feel like a rape too; however unlike dropping the charges you have a better chance of putting the jerk in jail etc.
2. Your husband is hurt.. he is reacting wrong; however he is reacting. If he did not care.. and perhaps some of it is his own selfishness.. he still cares. It hurts him that another man touched you.. and to see you not uphold the charges confuses him. Men are egotistical about 'their women' and your husband is not 'using his words' in order to properly express to you how he feels. Does this excuse his behavior? NO. Is it understandable? Yes.
I am not in a position to confirm this assault; however I will tell you this.. whether you did or did not get assaulted.. your husband's threats are partially true.
In regard to the moving out, your husband's claims etc...get an attorney, if you cannot retain one, locate a shelter or women's center and inquire as to the attorneys they have a relationship with.
Going mute is literally screaming: 'Hey you can rape & beat me..and I won't tell' - it is going to be hard and there is help out there; however you have to find it. Before a rape exam is over you are put in contact with a rape counselor many times one is there during the exam. Now, that may not be the person you jive with; however there are other outlets.. you have the Internet and can ask this question on Yahoo Answers and yet you are unable to find a rape counseling center in your area? Hmmm.
Well, if you are not listed on any of the paperwork.. then your husband may be able to get you out of the house for a while; however police handle criminal matters and this is more civil.. therefore file for divorce as soon as possible.. but do not leave unless you absolutely have to. Possession is 9/10 of the law and so it would be in your best interest to stay ... if you leave the house...under any circumstances your husband 'could' claim that you've abandoned your children.. I know that you have not; however you have to be on top of this....
There are several unknowns; however I hope I've provided some insight for you. I'm not taking a side on whether or not you were assaulted; however I strongly suggest that you DO NOT let yourself let this go. You deserve justice - you do.
I wish you well.
2007-09-01 16:42:58 · answer #2 · answered by 343 Remember 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When he is gone, pack up your girls and some clothes and go to a battered womens shelter. They will house you and get you counsel. Your husband will have to be at home without his family and think about how he is adding so much more trama to someone he says he loves. Call around until you find a Battered Womens shelter, even the police station could give you the number. You should not have to take your husbands abuse after such an ordeal. And take your daughters with you.
Your husband will reconsider his abuse to you and what life would be without you and his girls. Your temporary stay away from him will be the power statement you cannot put in to words (that he would hear) Time away helps so much more that couples know! Don't let your family know where you go too. Keep them wondering for a few days. This is the best for all right now.
Staying he could get more angry and take it out on you. He is just angry with himself for not being able to protect you. He needs to calm down alone. He thinks putting the burden on you will make him feel better. It won't.
Take care of yourself and children first. Let him cool off and eal with his feelings of helplessness!
That is what the Battered Womens Centers are so wonderful for. They do not want to break up families, but to let people cool off and learn from mistakes.
You are so worth it! They can also find good counceling for you as the attack will have some effects on you.
2007-09-01 16:07:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband can not just dump you like trash. The law is fair and protects both of you. If you live in a state where community property is in effect, everything that was acquired during the marriage will be equally divided between the two of you. And then, there is the issue of child custody. If your husband wants a divorce, you should seek legal advice. If you have no money to pay a lawyer, I am sure there are free legal clinics in your area.
2007-09-01 17:13:09 · answer #4 · answered by Belen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
allocation of assets in a divorce case will depend on what state you live in . The law will not help him evict you from the house until there is a divorce decree. He will need to provide child support and maybe alimony in a divorce unless you are working and making more than he is .
You should get counseling if he will go, try rape crisis center or a competent psychologist.
Personally I don't understand why you wont press charges. You may not even need to testify if there are clear photos of your injuries.
2007-09-01 16:18:21 · answer #5 · answered by mark 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer first.
Your husband may think you dropped the charges because "he thinks you slept with the guy on purpose" and if you restart the case, that may prove to him that you didnt. That sounds to me like what he is trying to prove.
2007-09-01 16:09:29 · answer #6 · answered by americangurl_28 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No.
You are a resident of that house and until a judge makes a court order for you to leave you can remain.
If he continues with his current campaign to kick you out, you will most likely have to call the police on him once he becomes physical with you. If this happens you get the upper hand and can geta protective order barring him from the home.
I hope it doesn't come t that and hopefully he will come to his senses
Good Luck
2007-09-01 16:06:18 · answer #7 · answered by Charlie Fingers 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
absolutely not...its a domestic issue and they won't touch it.
I'm sorry you don't have more support from him...please get into some counselling- (that no one would help you is puzzling- if you can't afford it, go to an ER- you have Past Traumatic Stress Syndrome) truly, I know talking isn't even something you feel you can do- I suggest emailing a counselor- it does cost money, but not a horribly high amount- even if its just to get yourself started...
this is too huge for you to deal with alone...and I am by no means defending your husband's behavior- but it sounds like he truly doesn't understand what you are going through
2007-09-01 16:06:15 · answer #8 · answered by jmd72inva 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When he isn't home, pack your clothes and go. Go to family or to a shelter. If you are married you are entitled to certain things. He is worrying about how bad it makes him look. Think about it.............. A shelter is not the most desirable place, but it will help you and your daughters stay safe and you will receive help there. If you can go to a police station and ask them where the nearest battered women's shelter is. You don't even have to take clothes if you can't get them out of your house. Just go and be safe.... do it for your daughters. They have a right to be safe.
2007-09-01 16:30:55 · answer #9 · answered by docie555@yahoo.com 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not true. Get your own lawyer. If you live in California, i know for a fact that it is a community State so quitclaims don't mean ****. You are husband and wife so what is his is yours and what is yours is his. It sounds like he is just mad that you dropped the case. It sounds like he just wants the person that did this to you to pay for his crime. I think he is right. You wouldn't want the person that did this horrific act to you, to do it to someone else.
2007-09-01 16:06:36 · answer #10 · answered by ods 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋