He recently started this thing where he tells me he wants one thing then says no, he wants something else, for example ill say what do you want to watch? barney or curious george? and first he'll say barney so i'll put it on then he'll say no george so then i put it on and so on and so on he just keeps going and i try to walk away but then he screams and throws a fit! I dont know what started this or how to stop it! Please help
2007-09-01 14:29:08 · 13 answers · asked by aesc4 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Stick to your guns and make a no tantrum policy. If he loses the privilege of watching a show he likes because of a tantrum he will soon learn not to throw a fit about it. Once the choice is made DO NOT turn on the other choice even if he changes his mind. Let him get upset but say, you made your choice and I see you're upset now but you can make another choice another time. Put him in time out if he has a tantrum but do not respond with any emotion to the situation. It will only add fuel to the fire.
You also may avoid the situation altogether by not offering the choices to him in the first place. Just say "Today we're going to watch Curious George!"
2007-09-01 14:38:29 · answer #1 · answered by ctya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son did the exact same thing only now the disorder is tied to foods. I do know this...A lot of the child therapists are saying that children need choices. You are doing good by offering him the choice. Making up his mind for him is a no win situation. Keep doing what you are doing. Try this. Give him the choice and let him put the tape or DVD in, or select the channel. (Well, assist him with the task). This serves more than one purpose. It helps him feel like he is more in control of the decision making process and this serves as a good "focusing" tool for his inability to make up his mind. You see, he wants the right to have a choice, but does not have the ability to make a choice when there is multiple decisions. Also, pay attention to his selections. If he statistically chooses a certain video more than the rest, offer that video as a choice and the other video one that he almost never chooses. This kills two birds with one stone. He gets a choice, but passively, you have already selected for him. I use this tactic when all else fails. Soon enough he will be making his own decisions and all you will have to do is ask.
One note, if you offer him something and he responds with, "I don't know," keeps trying other choices. Main thing is to always be patient and don't give up. Put yourself in his shoes.
2007-09-01 21:47:39 · answer #2 · answered by Marc B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For my daughter I just gave her choices and previewed the consequence.
Me "do you want barney or elmo"? Choose.
Autumn "barny"
Me "now if your sure about barny, i'll play it but thats the only one you get for the next 10 minutes, are you sure?
if yes - great, if he changed her mind, replay the prior discussion.
if no - replay the prior discussion, if she continues to keep changing her mind, replay it but tell her she has 10 seconds to give her final answer, review what that means, and count down.
If she throws a fit because shes upset, describe to her what I believe shes feeling, talk outloud, let her know I see her throwing a fit, but that she said she wanted barny, then i replay the prior discussion.
If she throws a fit because shes trying to manipulate me (there is a difference) I would tell her what I think shes doing, why I was dissappointed in it, and offer a consequence (no more tv) if she continued. (I dont recall this being an issue)
BTW I give my daughter a choice whenever its appropriate. Trick is, the choices are always something i'm willing to abide by and that I can control the consequences for. Life is about choice and consequences. The better you can can help them make that correlation, the better off they will be.
2007-09-02 03:38:05 · answer #3 · answered by tomthu04 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you say you "put it on", do you mean he watches maybe a few minutes of it then wants to switch? If that's the case, the reason is most likely either boredom or the non-existant attention span of a toddler.
Stop playing the game with him. Going back and forth, changing as he demands, makes you look like a crazy puppet that he's playing with. TV and videos are privileges, so put your foot down and tell him he can either watch what he just told you he wanted to watch, or the tv goes off. Then distract him with another activity.
2007-09-02 12:14:10 · answer #4 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he is doing this indecisive thing to get attention. When he makes a choice, make him stick with it. Once he says "Barney" then the tv stays on Barney. If he throws a fit, then he gets a time out, and doesn't get to watch either. Don't let him manipulate you.
2007-09-02 00:09:34 · answer #5 · answered by missbeans 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think all kids go through this stage. He probably really wants to say " neither I want to go outside" but he isn't that articulate yet. What I do with my daughter is have all her DVDs in a folder and then she looks through and decides the one she wants to watch. Or I'll ask her if she wants to watch TV or a DVD and then we go from there.
My son is now 4 and he is better about decision making because he'll say " I don't want to watch either, I want to play a video game". So I think it is just a stage.
2007-09-01 21:39:10 · answer #6 · answered by hhh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do parents expect this out of young children?
I was visiting a friend with my daughter, the friend's daughter asked to watch a DVD (and ignore her company). After the mother set up the DVD her daughter decided to play dolls with my daughter instead. In my opinion I'd rather see two kids playing than watching TV. Well, the mother threw a fit because "she'd spent all this time turning on the DVD." Her daughter ended up in tears and we had to leave. Why not allow children to change their minds, what could it hurt?
2007-09-01 21:58:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow through with his first choice EVERY TIME.
He may protest the first few times.
Be firm and friendly.
When he screams, just calmly say that he can make a different choice next time, but today he chose X so that is what he will watch.
The key is to be consistent. He'll get the message.
2007-09-01 21:33:53 · answer #8 · answered by sharkyincanada 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't keep changing for him. He is testing you to see how much power he has over you. Either follow through with the first choice making sure to tell him that he must stick with his first answer. Or automatically turn it off and tell him that you will start the movie that he chose when he is finished whining. Make sure you let him know that he has a choice but that this choice only happens once. Most importantly, make sure he knows you love him!! Good luck!!!
2007-09-01 21:47:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
seems like they are playing mind games .huh? my 2 year old grandson changes every week, loves a bath 1 week and hates it the next, we just walked away with the temper thing. and he stopped, it only works if u let it, just let him scream for a while, won;t hurt him, i promise, they don't call it the terrible 2's for no reason. and this 2 shall pass. just enjoy him.
2007-09-02 02:44:36 · answer #10 · answered by piddiling 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋