I have a friend in his twenties. His wife cheated on him, took everything he had, including their child. Got an outrageous court settlement causing him to have to pay so much in child support that he couldn't afford even a single room apartment so his parents said he was welcome to live with them, in fact they didn't like it when he finally was able to move so he took them up on their offer. Now after 15 years his mom made the comment "MOST PARENTS CHARGE THEIR GROWN CHILDREN TO STAY WITH THEM". Is this true, you have a son or daughter who has been betrayed by his wife, left with nothing and needing help, is it a matter of love for the son or daughter to help and not even bring up or expect money or is this world so cold that if he could have paid he should have? When his parents are old and can't take care of themselves he's always said he would take them in and take care of them.
PAY or NOT? This isn't a bum, it's a blue collar worker who had no place to turn to.
2007-09-01 13:50:10 · 15 answers · asked by swsAnswers 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
No you guys got the 15 years living there as a grown up wrong. 15 years after moving out his mom brought up the fact that they let him live there for about 5 years at which time he got married had 2 children and continues to be married, I think 13 years now and He's taken both her and his dad through 3 years of her with lung cancer and him with a broken hip, when non of the other children in the family lended a hand. Now his father has passed away and the mother is starting to bring things like they let him live there for so and so years while most parents would have made their grown up pay. He has offerred to build onto his house so she wouldn't have to live alone, taken her to doctors appointments and told me it is the childs responsibility to take care of the elder parent, that it is an honor. But his mom since the fathers death has brought things up like she has been keeping a record of all he's done wrong. She does that with everyone though, I have heard her talk before.
2007-09-02 02:09:55 · update #1
He showed repsonsibility since he was 16, working 32-40 hours a week saving money for college. His mistake was falling in love and getting married to an adulterous woman spending his college money on getting them set-up with a house and trusting this woman. He does not have custody, the child is grown now, he is married again and did not live with his parents 15 years. He knows responsibility, he's worked his whole life and as far as the question, I think I may have been misunderstood and will either put it to vote of delete it for that reason.
2007-09-02 03:12:26 · update #2
Hell yeah. He has to learn responsibility, but just let him slide those mnths he comes up alittle short. Put the money away for him, as a gift for when he leaves if he was responsible as a gift!
2007-09-01 13:57:50 · answer #1 · answered by candice c 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh dear - can understand both sides - I have to say that my parents took me in when I was in a bit of a pickle and their love is undeniably wonderful - they never asked me for a penny and when times were hard they did everything they could to help - mum always had dinner ready and selflessly willing to collect me from work on days that it was raining etc. They were amazing. However, I did pay my way as best I could afterall I was an adult, I did chores around the house as I seen fit (they weren't getting any younger)_and I helped them in as many ways as I could - I knew that when they were older that I would assist them. That goes with saying, but thought it would be nicer and very much appreciated if I did it at the time they were helping also. My parents were not struggling for money but it was there money and they deserved to live life as best they could. they are and always have been wonderful people. Don't let your friend assume that his parents will be alive when he finally gets around to thanking them and repaying there generousity. It's nice to be nice and to say thank you even if it comes in the form of a token amount to help with the bills. Also, after 15 years of there generousity if I was the parent I have to say I would be expecting him to help out - A lot of parents teach there children responsibility and independence by making them pay there way maybe he should grow up and start acting like the blue collar worker he is said to be. I reckon truly he should be thanking them not complaining about having to do what every other grown man on the planet is doing. After all he has had 15 years pratically rent free - Add that up and tell me that his mother is being COLD...... By the sounds of things he'll be there for another 15 years and still complaining - tell him to cut the apron strings and say thank you to your parents they sound like angels....
2007-09-01 21:14:22 · answer #2 · answered by gismoblue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While certain situations no parents should charge rent there are a lot more situations where parents need to charge rent.
If his wife was that bad and they invited him to stay there then no I don't think they should charge rent unless they start having to provide everything for him. He should buy his own food, personal items and it would be nice of him to offer to help out with some bills.
Now yes most parents are charging rent or requiring their children do more stuff around the house if they move back home or stay home after graduation because a lot of people today think they can live off their parents and other people. Parents are getting tired of their kids not taking on their responsibilities. I would say that if a person decides to stay at home after graduation from high school and/or college, or if they move back home because of their own irresponsible actions then parents should charge rent and require household duties.
2007-09-01 21:10:07 · answer #3 · answered by momof3boys 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In lieu of paying a set amount of rent, perhaps the fellow could contribute what he can afford to the household. Perhaps he can help buy groceries, put something toward the bills, etc. The fellow could also appeal the amount of child support he's paying. He needs to get informed by talking to a lawyer asap. The swamp thing of a wife obviously took advantage.
2007-09-01 22:53:59 · answer #4 · answered by lornesett 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said after 15 YRS. At that point he should be able to handle his own life. Yes a parent should help out there kids. If a divorce, or a job loss or something happen. But after a yr or 2 I would really start to feel like my child is sponging off me. I have a good Friend who is charging her 19 yr old rent until he actually leaves for the Air Force. She is only charging he $50 a month, but it is simply to help him learn financial responsibility.
2007-09-01 20:59:45 · answer #5 · answered by Esther D 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes he should have to pay rent.
I am going through a divorce right now. I am strapped for money. My mother offered me her rental home. I was awarded domicile custody of the kids where their mother only gets them every other weekend. I pay my mother $500 a month for rent. Yes it is a price cut of about $250. I also pay utilities and have other bills. My ex-wife also took all of our money before I could get to it. I had nothing - no furniture, no clothes for the kids, She would not let me have anything. except the past due bills. I still give my mother $500 a month for rent. It makes me broke but I have a roof over my kids heads.
2007-09-01 23:56:19 · answer #6 · answered by Bones 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All grown people should contribute towards the household. He should pay something or move into a room someplace. As far as him taking care of his parents when they get old -- well they took care of him as a child. I'd say that should be considered "paid in full." If one job isn't enough for him to survive then let him get two or even three.
2007-09-01 20:58:40 · answer #7 · answered by JusMe 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well depending on how long he's been there, there could be a problem. If he is contributing to anyhting just watching their TV, eating their food, and using his free money to go out or whatever, then yeah he is wrong.
I think 6 months or so is a good amount of time to get recovered and try to move on, with no payment. This gives the guy time to look for a new job that pays more and things like that.
If he chooses to still live there he should chip in buy some groceries, pay for some gas, mow the lawn and so forth, not free load....
2007-09-01 20:58:13 · answer #8 · answered by Mom of 4 Sweethearts 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe there is more to the story that you dont know about... the way you tell the details - no, I probably wouldnt charge rent. So maybe there is something left out.... maybe his parents are actually creating a savings account with the rent money and are planning to give it to him eventually
2007-09-01 22:46:39 · answer #9 · answered by Valerie H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
parents should charge rent. they have to pay for heat, lights, food, etc. why should they be expected to support their children all of their lives??? I would be willing to bet that when the parent's are old, they will be placed in a nursing home. aging adults are not easy to care for.
2007-09-01 21:06:36 · answer #10 · answered by Jane R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not outrageous to ask for some help.
I do not know all the particulars but I think he should help out some.
Also, I blame the parents for taking him in and enabling him.
It might be time that they sit down and hash out something before it blows up and he is sleeping on your couch.
2007-09-01 20:59:21 · answer #11 · answered by JJT34 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋