Would you marry and have kids?

Question

Here's a tough one.

You inherited cancer from one of your parents. The cancer and its treatment caused numerous side effects such as hearing loss and liver problems. You have an above average chance of developing another form of cancer later in life and a 1 in 2 chance of passing the disease on to children.

The parent who passed the disease on to you had 5 recurrences of cancer before dying middle-aged.

Most of your childhood was spent in hospitals, either you or your parent being the patient.

Do you think that marrying and having kids would be selfish? Would you go ahead, knowing that you may also die young, or possibly pass your illness on and cause more pain and suffering?

Answer 1

Jeez thats a toughie..and I think its so hard to give an answer here unless you have been in this situation and know the pain and suffering endured. The odds are rather high against though aren't they?? I think that marrying someone who is aware of the situation and how your life might pan out and accepts this is fine, after all its a partnership between two consenting adults...as for kids??? Well, I think the word selfish is kinda harsh but I think that no one would seriously want to inflict illness and pain upon their loved ones and if there is a very high risk then it would be perhaps unwise to go ahead with children. As I said, its a toughie cos I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here and with such an emotive subject as cancer its hard to remain totally objective.

Answer 2

Having the same debate about children myself, although a much different circumstance. Having to go through radiation therapy, which causes a long term increased liklihood of breast cancer and heart disease (which already runs in my family).
I was married before diagnosis but change my mind about once a week about whether I want to have children. My worry is that in10 years I may become chronically ill again or worse and I don't want my husband to bear that burden or make my potential kids suffer.
If you can truly love and devote yourself to a family in spite of your questions, then go for it. No matter how long your time on earth or the hardships you endure, if you are really devoted and in a great relationship, the time you do have is so worth it. I'm lucky enough to have a husband that reminds me of that every day.
If, however, you become consumed with the very idea of sickness and dying, then don't even venture to have a family. Then you are just robbing your loved ones of the good times with you and that is selfish.

Answer 3

So by the same chance, you may NOT pass it to the kids. I think a person in this situation should have kids. You may die young, and the children would lose a mother (or father), but they would also have a surviving parent. Lots of children lose a parent, that's life. The only difference is you get to get an idea when it is coming, whereas for everyone else the timing is a mystery.

Answer 4

I've had cancer and I would never knowingly pass that on to a child. It would be selfish on your part. I couldn't face life knowing I did that to any child. I couldn't even think of doing that and there is always the question of, what if you made it through the cancers and all but your child didn't. I just couldn't do it. I really hope this isn't happening to you, if so I am so sorry and wish you the best.

Answer 5

I could be wrong, But I don't think the chances of you "passing on" cancer would be that high... surely at the most 1 in 4? because it's not only your genes that would be passed on, your partner's, your parents, partner's parents etc.
& it may be worth consdering that even if cancer wasn't in your genes something like 1 in 3 or 4 people get it at some point in their lives... so everyone is at risk. If everyone worried about what their child may or may not get, then surely noone would have children? sorry if that offends anyone... I'm just speculating really.

Answer 6

i would never let the unknown from stopping me from falling in love and receiving love from someone special....there are many risks in life, crossing the street is among the many.....

so getting married is a "big yes" :-)

if your concern is passing on your genetic traits to a child, i would weigh that with some seriousness....if you are concerned with passing away young leaving a child behind....i would worry more about looking both ways before crossing that street i earlier mentioned.....cancer prevention, detection and treatment has increased in success by leaps and bounds over the past few years.....just look at Lance Armstrong's story, not one for the faint of heart.....remarkable and not just a feel good story but an testament to how much progress has been accomplished in the treatment of cancer.....

live your life each day living life......if there are still concerns adopting is always an option...... take care and best wishes :-)

Answer 7

I would have genetic testing to be sure. I would adopt children if I were to have children. I would be up front with my spouse and make sure that there was good family, friend support in case anything happened to me so that my children would have support if I were to get cancer and die. Now personally, I wouldn't have children because I wouldn't want them to be without a mother if I knew it was very likely this would happen to me.

Answer 8

I personally wouldn`t have had children if I knew what I know now, until and if the genetic screening programme is offered to all....what a tough choice....I have 4 children and my Great Grandma died of cervical cancer....I got it, and my Grandma has breast cancer and my grandad died of cancer, who`s to know what my kids will go through? I LOVE them and am definately glad I had them all, as you said, a tough one....good luck and god bless....x Maybe in the future we won`t need this discussion....hope not!!!!

Answer 9

No I would die having no kids, because the thought of passing such a terrible burden to them would never let me rest.

Answer 10

What a thought provoking question. I hope this is a hypothetical, but if not...God bless you.
I think I'd marry (and be very honest about it) and adopt a child so as not to pass on the illness.