Hi I have been with this guy in a committed exclusive relationship for two and half years now. The problem Im having with him is mainly his temper. He has never been abusive in the sense of hitting me or anything but he loves to yell and throw his weight around when he is upset. I have to admit that sometimes I say sarcastic things now and then or Im not very good at expressing myself and this sometimes leads to heated arguments. Arguments that end with him flying off the handle. He is very overreactive and extremely hypersensitive. He doesn't like sarcasm especially with me because he says he loves me so much and it hurts him. Naturally I have a sarcastic personality. I guess what Im wondering is there chance of me staying happy with someone that is so sensitive or that has a big temper? Is there any chance he can change to be the less dramatic type and explain himself in a loving tone without tearing my head off every time he is upset by something I have said? Help..
2007-09-01 13:25:21 · 25 answers · asked by jilly27 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I was in a similar situation with my ex-girlfriend. When we would get in arguments, she would yell and scream. She would follow me around and say some nasty things to me. If I tried to end the argument or leave, she would stand in front of the door; if I tried to go to sleep, she would rip the blankets off of me, turn the lights on, etc....
I tried many different approaches such as reasoning, being sarcastic, yelling back, and using guilt to show her how I felt. I even talked to her family, who said that I should "ignore her"; of course they didn't have to live with it every day. Plus, she would do this in front of our son.
This went on for a couple of years, until I finally slapped her when she was in my face calling me a b**** (of course she was quick to call the cops).
In the end, I had to let her go. Her temper was caused by deep emotional problems that stemmed from her childhood. She wasn't necessarily crazy, but did need professional help, which she refused to get. The funny part was, after I broke up with her, then she was all about trying to get help, and the whole "I know I have a problem" thing, but it was too late...the damage was done.
So to answer your questions:
1)You will not be able to be happy unless he changes his temper. It will eventually wear away at you emotionally.
2)He will only change if he decides to go get help. If you tell him you want him to change and he does, this will only be temporary until he gets mad again. You cannot change him. Actually leaving him may give him a reason to really go get help. They act much like alcoholics that don't drink; I'm sure you know what I mean.
In the end, if you haven't noticed already, each time the arguments will probably get more intense. And they will. The more intense they get, the more hurt you're going to feel. Unfortunately, the more time that you spend with him, the more obligated you're going to feel to "not throw away what you already have". One day, though, you will have your breaking point like I did. I know it's hard to leave, but you need to think about your future and your well-being.
I hope this helps.
2007-09-02 02:36:08 · answer #1 · answered by James J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I highly doubt that he could change his bad temper. Could you honestly stop being sarcastic? Probably not because that's just your personality and there's nothing wrong with that. He needs to learn how to take a joke or a little ribbing every now and again. How would he feel about going to an anger management class? Does he see his temper as a problem? Have you let him know that his temper can be a bit frightening? If not, these are things you two need to discuss before you can work on correcting this unfortunate problem. Good luck.
2007-09-01 13:35:07 · answer #2 · answered by cindos_69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is that you both have a very incompatable relationship; you basically annoy each other. You upset him and he upsets you, there's no winners here. He's hypersensitive and your sarcastic nature is insensitive. Get out of this relationship before anything violent or explosive happens. If he loves you, he would cool his temper in order not to scare or threaten you. That's just plain wrong. Everyone has a degree of pride, but he should take some sarcasm on the chin if he loved you that much, It's plain to see you are bad for each other. Leave him and do it for yourself and him.
2007-09-01 13:34:49 · answer #3 · answered by phil c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there are character flaws we can put up with when we love someone. Like leaving the lid off the toothpaste, getting moody sometimes, taking the last cookie in the jar without asking, leaving clothes on the floor. But what you are talking about is quite serious. It may get worse the longer you are together and a bit of shouting can quickly turn to abuse. Maybe not physical abuse, but emotional abuse is just as hard to live with. You have to imagine yourself with a man like this in 10, 20 years time. Do you want that? And more importantly, if you have children he will yell at them too. As a mother I can tell you I couldn't live with that.
I think this is quite a part of his personality and it probably won't change. Good luck, you deserve the best!
2007-09-01 13:32:50 · answer #4 · answered by Janey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say but chances are no. I have been with one of those for 4 years now and it hasn't changed. He screams and yells about everything. and everything is against him. And we alll do things wrong not him. And he tells me he loves me al the time and he doesn't hit me and never would I don't think. But it hasn't changed. all the tears I've cried because of the mean and hurtful things he says it still stays the same. I stay cause I have almost 3 kids with the man and one day I think I will have my fair share and be out the door. But until then I know it will never change so for me until I get fed up enough it is Love him.
2007-09-01 13:33:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that. You don't know it yet but you guys are on your way to a messy break up. Your sarcasm is a reflection of how you feel about him and your relationship. His temper is a reflection of how he thinks you don't respect him as a man. The heated arguments will get worse and the breakup will be messy, emotional, and heated. It will be hard and it takes courage but if I were you I'd get out now before the big blow up especially if the bad times out weigh the good.
2007-09-01 13:31:53 · answer #6 · answered by drivn2excelchery 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you see is what you get...there's no changing. In fact, he seems a bit dangerous to me. If you can't deal with him as he is, then you should consider weaning away from this relationship. I'm concerned about his reaction if you should attempt to break it off. Ladies, the moment you see a red flag; the moment you think your mate may be abusive--that's the time to make a move. Waiting around is just a waste of time and is possibly giving him an opportunity to get physical if he hasn't already. This can be a dangerous situation for you!
2007-09-01 13:34:04 · answer #7 · answered by MsElch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon you need to get rid of this guy.. the fact that you feel even a little uncomfortable and are worried about his temper means you can NEVER have a satisfying relationship with him. Next time he starts yelling at you, tell him to f*** off and that you're through with him. Just make sure it's over the phone or by text message though.
2007-09-01 13:31:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
4 letters 1 word D U M P
2007-09-01 13:29:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly it won't be worth it in the long run. Any bloke that screams at his woman is not worth the time of day. Get out and find someone that can share your variety of humour and personality. None of us want to be yelled at and sadly these angry types get worse rather than better over time, unless they recognise they have a problem and seek counselling.
2007-09-01 13:31:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋