Preschoolers and death? My 4 y/o daughter saw a dead squirrel today?

Question

and bawled her eyes out for a good half hour. I tried to explain the so called "cycle of life" but I felt real sad for her. How did you handle it, it being the first time your child saw a dead animal up close?
She was real upset because the squirrel's eyes had been eaten, and she said "I could see right through his head." Also, she said she wanted to take it home.
For those of you who know me here, you may think this is some kind of joke, but it's really not, it's a pretty serious question because I don't want things like this to cut our park time short.

Gerald, You have a very good point! Actually, I didn't make an outward display of my feelings about the whole thing at the park, I just left. But I did overly console her when we got home. [I think she was playin' me by then though, she's a smarty pants.] Also, when I let go of my pup's leash in a huge fenced field, she went NUTSO, thinking he was going to get hit by a car, after she saw the squirrel! I was surprised by her reaction to my letting the dog run. It was all about the stupid tree rat. I am not a fan of squirrels, but she loves all critters.

ebmid, do you really think telling her the eyes were eaten, wouldn't make her shriek?...so not a good idea, though I agree in donating bodies to science and recycling. So maybe when she's older I'll do that. Thanks and TU for your unique answer.

Avalon, she believes in Santa, but she knew this thing was D.O.A.! thanks, good answer.

Answer 1

Having a close up vision of death is a horrible shock for young children. Avalon has a spooky picture, but he has a point. Trying to explain the meaning of life and death to a 4 year old may be way too much for them to grasp.

If you react calmly and compassionately to the grizzly scene they will get the message from your demeanor that death is sad but natural. With my own children, it seemed like their reaction was not so much about trying to cope with why or how the animal died as it was that their sense of compassion and love for the animal had been profoundly wounded. They felt sorry that the animal had been injured and died and they just wanted to do something to care for the animal.

All of the answers about explaining the animal is in a better place really are about trying to give children some comfort; to ease their pain about the circumstances. But, putting your response in the context of trying to explain the meaning of life and death really doesn't address what I believe children are upset about. They want to do something to help because they love the animal.

So, I found DOING something rather than SAYING something was the best way to deal with my own children's reactions. First, I would calmly validate their concerns about the situation. It is tragic to see a dead animal, it is sad the animal died, it is good to care about what happened, your child's instincts to want to help are what kind people feel and are what your parents want you to feel in this situation. Then, I would ask my children what they thought we should do about the matter. Usually, they would simply want to bury the animal. And, if I could, that is what I would do.

I know wild animals can carry all kinds of diseases. I did not like the idea of dealing with a dead animal. But, it just seemed that was the best thing I could do to comfort my children at the time. So, I got a long shovel, a couple of sturdy garbage bags, a box and some gloves. I would line the box with the garbage bags and use the shovel to put the animal in the box. Thankfully, I have only had to do this maybe three times and all have been close to our home. I carried the box home in the shovel so I would NEVER have to touch the animal or anything that came in contact with the animal. I dug about a three or four foot hole in our garden. I asked the children if they wanted to say a prayer or anything which they usually would. I asked if they wanted me to say anything which they usually would. Then I would let them use the shovel to put some of the dirt in the hole. They would get a rock or make a little cross to mark the grave and that would be the end of it. The crosses eventually would fall apart or disappear. We still have a few rock grave markers in our garden though.

In your case, I'm not sure I would be willing to box up a dead animal and put it in my car to take it home to bury. And, I don't think it would be a good idea to try to dig a hole at the park. So, if my children wanted to bury the animal, I would have suggested we see if we could find the park caretaker to let him/her take care of the burial.

The point is, your children will tell you what they need or want to do about the situation. You don't need to figure out what to do, you just need to listen to them and try to do whatever you can to help them help themselves. You can guide their desires by suggesting alternatives if they want to do something you are unwilling or unable to do. If and only if my children asked life and death questions would I try to answer those questions.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Don't see this as a bad thing. How wonderful that your child has such compassion at a young age We all have to learn about death and your child has had her first experience with this squirrel. (Be thankful that it was not something truly tragic like the death of a person close to her). Let her cry and express her feelings about the squirrel. There is no way around this topic, no sugar coating it. Just explain that the park caretakers have a "special place" to bury all the departed animals. Perhaps you could bring a little bunch of flowers to lay under the squirrel's tree and treat that tree as a special memory place for animals on your trips to the park.

Answer 3

Some years ago I saw a cat get hit by a car on a very busy road. I ran over (dodging traffic) and picked up the cat, unfortunately the cat had already died. The cat had a collar so I walked some ways to the owners house, put the cat in front of the garden wall out of sight (in case a kid answered) and rang the doorbell. Although the owner was upset she was incredibly grateful to know what had happened and be able to have the cats body for burial. It wasn't the most pleasant of experiences for me, but I would def do it again.

Answer 4

Trying to explain something as complex as the circle of life to a 4 year old girl is very hazardous, it's like saying to her that Santa does not exist. Even adults have problems understanding life. You should have said something like: "I'll tell you about it when you're a little older, ( right now mister squirrel doesn't want to be disturbed, and we should leave him alone.)". You don't owe her an explanation, let her live out the happiest years of her life, because they grow up so fast and stress and worries are around the corner.

Answer 5

I don't have kids, and I don't know how much a 4 year old is capable of understanding. But it occurs to me that death is a bad thing, and she was right to be sad about it. I'd try telling her that at least the squirrel probably had a good life, and note that it doesn't matter that its eyes were eaten, since it isn't using them anymore anyway.

Answer 6

The best thing to do, depending on your belief, is to sit down and talk to her, about how sad it is, but that she is with Jesus now, or whoever you choose.

Let her know in a gentle way that this is ok, that it does happen when animals and people/cars/etc come together sometimes, but that there are many more animals out there to love and care about.

Reassure her that in the "wild" this is what happens, that it isn't that way in real live, then change the subject. Take her on a walk, or play a game with her, do something fun to get her mind off of it, she will soon move past it.

It isn't easy, but they do adjust often better than we as adults do.

Good Luck

Answer 7

I know where youre coming from. My boys saw the neighbors dog catch a bird in flight and kill it and my 3yr came into the house hysterical. I thought her had gotten hurt! I tell my kids that the animal is in a better place now (for the bird- he's in a land with a whole bunch of trees and berries for him to eat where no one can hurt him) and walk away. I explained that things die all the time- flowers, bugs, animals etc and though we may feel sad, whatever that died isn't sad at all! He's in a place with all the other birds and is really happy to be there! Why should we be sad? My kids accepted that.
Best wishes =]

Answer 8

My oldest child's experience was quite traumatic, he saw his best friend, James, get hit by a car.The car mangled the child's body and Terry was devastated. He cried all the way home. When his father came home from work that day, he took him outside & said something about James had gone to the Great Spirit & that he could ride across the sky whenever he wanted.
Kids recover better than we do. A few days later I heard in in our toy room laughing & playing; I asked him, 'Babe, who are you playing with?"
Sort of unconcerned, "James, he came to tell me, bye and that he couldn't come play anymore."
And that was that.

Answer 9

aw poor thing(and i mean for your daughter) explain to her like you did about the cycle of life. Maybe have a memorial service for the squirrel. Let her draw a picture for him and say a pray(pending on your religion of course) maybe you can let her throw some peanuts out so she can see how happy she made the squirrels. My daughter has not experience something like this yet but I know it will be a difficult task. Good luck!

Answer 10

Tell her the squirrl went to heaven. That usually works. Try to explain to her that death may not be a bad thing. Thats why it hurts kids to see dead things because they think death is bad. Tell her that I the squirrl can't feel anything and that it is at peace. (and don't ever let her touch it cause it could be infected with some sickness)