I recently have begun feeling very depressed about something I heard about myself a few years ago. Here’s my story: About 4 years ago when I was 11, I’m 15 now. My Mom had brought a few of her lady friends over to our house to drink tea and talk about books, movies, and other stuff like she normally did. She would do this annually, but when I went up stairs into the kitchen for a snack I could over hear them all talking and laughing in the living room. I normally wouldn’t listen to what they were chatting about but I heard one of my moms friends saying about when she got married and had her first daughter, she said “I was on Birth Control for a while and I never remember missing a pill and found out I was a few weeks pregnant” Something like that, but then my mom replied to that and said that both me and my little brother were born even though my husband used a condom both times. I knew what sex and condoms were back when I was 11, but honestly I really didn’t think about it and so it didn’t seem to bother me that much. But recently for the past few months I have been coming here and reading what seems like dozens of stories about births happening due to Condom and Birth control failure. I can’t get over this depressing feeling of unwantedness, the fact that my parents never intended on having me and even took precautions to prevent me from being born. I never told this to my little brother and I’m glad I didn’t because I wouldn’t want him to feel the lack of self-esteem I feel. I know that my life isn’t worth any less then anyone else but I still feel this depression that I just can’t seem to get over. Any Advice or suggestions on how I can forget and move on would be greatly appreciated or if anyone else would like to share their own similar stories that would be great. One thing I want to say is that when I get married and have kids I don’t want any of them to be “accidentally” born because some piece of latex failed.
2007-09-01 09:49:37 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Just because you were a surprise does not mean you are not now loved and valued very deeply.
2007-09-01 09:56:24 · answer #1 · answered by michele 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I rather think that you are focusing on this one incident and it is the pivot for all the very commonplace things that are happening in your head at this moment in time.
Firstly - can you imagine how mortified your Mother would be if she knew that something she said - and even mums sometimes open their mouths without thinking - is causing you all this stress.
Secondly - you are at an age when hormones are going to be doing cruel things to your mind and body - I promise you that within a few months - if not before - you are going to see this with different eyes.
Whatever your Mother said - what do you think she would say if that same woman had asked her if she would have things any other way than she has now with her two sons - sons that I can assure you - she would lay her life down for.
Sometimes in life - just when we men and women think that we have it all under control - God or whoever is in charge of the Master Plan - (and who must have a wonderful sense of humour!) - throws a spanner in the works, and sometimes those spanners in the shape of kids - are the reason that we are here at all.
Please, please give yourself time to think about this in a few weeks time - until then - read what has been said here by all these people you really care that you have been hurt.
Honestly now - do you think that your parents REALLY think that you were a mistake? I really really doubt it.
Take care soldier - you are very much loved.
All I can do to cheer you up a little is give you a star for a very well written and expressed piece of writing!
2007-09-01 10:22:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
One thing to remember is that, they could have had an abortion or put you both up for adoption, and they didn't. So what does that tell you? :) If she were to say " I wish you were never born," then I could see your heartache... They had the both of you because they wanted to... Maybe not at first, but they did want you!
Don't let it get to you so much! Are they loving? Do they make you feel wanted? Do you have a good family life? Do they provide for you? Do they stand behind your decisions? If you answered yes to any of these, I wouldn't worry at all!
I see your point, but you took it the wrong way. People say " It was an accident," but it turns out to be the best accident they've ever had!! :) Try not to dwell on this. Have fun while you are still young! You did the right thing by not telling your brother, so it shows that your parents taught you something good... :) Take care!
2007-09-01 10:02:42 · answer #3 · answered by ~Kim~ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi.
You are taking this too personally. To people a baby in the womb isn´t yet an individual. If they positively didn´t want to have you they probably would have resorted to abortion, wouldn´t they?
Try to make the best of the situation, decide now to make your life a good one. Try to do things well, treat others as you want them to treat you.
There are a million things that happen to us that are not "fair" but they just happen. The winners are the ones that make the best of the situation. So what if you were an accident (assuming your mother was telling the truth which may not be the case, some people say stuff just to join in the conversation), some say those babies are the best ones!!
Overcome this and make the best of the situation.
Good luck!!
2007-09-01 10:02:11 · answer #4 · answered by F 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be stupid, they wanted both of you but a bit later, when they earn more money, buy a better house... But oops! Such children are called children of love because only when your parents love each other they forget about being careful. If your mom didn't want you she would make an abortion. 60 per cent of children are born unexpectedly... Some don't know about it, but are still happy. Before those pills were invented most children were born without any plan. You'll look at it from another side when you grow up and will be worring about becoming pregnant yourself. You know, I'm an unexpected child myself, so... what's wrong in that? A lot of people want to have children but can't... You can't actually plan such things, it's still kind of mistery of nature, believe me, your parents are most likely to be unexpected too. Do you want your own children? I think you do. But what if you had a child right now? Not very good. Doesn't mean that you won't love your children when they are born. Don't mix up contraception and something like throwing your children in a dustbin, ok? You'll understand it better when you have to use contraception yourself
2007-09-01 10:07:21 · answer #5 · answered by ania361 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dear, precious soul, I wish we could sit down and talk. You are a valuable and worthy person! Whether you are religious or not, there is (has to be ) somebody out there who decides to give us the gift of life. I personally believe this is God, our heavenly father. You're at a place in life where you may feel things very deeply, and question things such as the 'meaning of life'. There is nothing wrong with you. Your depression is an honest emotion, and it is very real. Your mother may seem distant at times, but it may be an idea to speak candidly with her. Tell her this hurt you, and would have embarrassed you to be in the room. We now know that no form of birth control is foolproof. But you're worthy of love and a good life in God's eyes. And THAT is something you can hold onto when you feel depressed.
Please don't think I'm just preaching at you. No one knows our heart's deepest hurts like God.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers... Really!
2007-09-01 10:17:19 · answer #6 · answered by baglady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both your parents love you! Lets just start off there. If they really didnt want you or your brother they could have easily gone and gotten an abortion, they have been around for awhile. Also, women like to just talk. your a girl, you know all about the gossiping scene. We all, get in those times when you feel like you need to out do someone else. Honestly you need to talk to your mom about what you over heard, she would rather talk to you about it, then having you depressed, no moher wants there children to go through anything in life that makes them upset or in pain.
Best of Luck
2007-09-01 09:58:29 · answer #7 · answered by :krash: 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really, you don't need to be so depressed. If your parents didn't want you, they could have gave you up for adoption or had an abortion. Obviously, they wanted you. Yes, it may have been a surprise, but after the shock wore off, they must have changed their minds. Besides, they weren't taking precautions against YOU being born, they probably just thought they were not ready for any kids yet. Don't take it personal.
2007-09-01 10:30:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh my God, get over it. It's not like your mom looked you straight in the eye and said "You were just a mistake and i wish i had never had you." There's alot of kids out there that have to deal with a mom who resents them for her choices, and tells them that she hates them. Almost everyone that is born is not intentionally made. Most people were suprises. Not mistakes, SUPRISES. You'll understand it better in a couple years when your classmates start getting pregnant unexpectedly at 16 or 17. Life is nothing like you think when your young. Just let it go.
2007-09-01 10:01:32 · answer #9 · answered by missywuwu4u 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Don't think of it that way. So many times couples get pregnant by accident, but now they will tell you that they could not ever imagine being without their beautiful child.
I bet that is what your parents say about you.
2007-09-01 10:01:21 · answer #10 · answered by Busybake 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋