i have been with my man for a little over a year and a half. Our mutual friends called us the ideal couple. We are very open with one another. We have gotten in 2 arguements in our entire relationship. We always have the best times together and theres so much love.
last night he told me that he hasnt been happy for the past week.he says that you hurt me last weekend. and i have been thinking of some other times that you have hurt me and i have just never told you. then he said that we should spend some time apart.he blamed me for a few things which i talked to him about today and he said that he was sorry because they wernt all my fault.and now were not taking time apart.but everytime i talk to him its so incredibly akward! like the sick to your stomach kind. and he talks to me in a sarcastic and cocky way. i get really nervous when we talk on the phone and dont know what to say, so i dont say anything. if he says something ill respond but other than that im speechless. please help!
2007-09-01 09:40:02 · 18 answers · asked by xomegoxo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like you are walking on egg shells now...maybe afraid to say the wrong thing and hurt him or have him want to end the relationship. The truth is that a relationship cannot continue to survive in that state. You need to decide if you are just going to continue being who you always were or if you need to let the relationship go.
2007-09-01 09:47:35 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it seems that you have some past resentments building up. I think both of you are afraid to argue.
It's ok to argue or have disagreements. It's normal to want to air grievances towards your partner.
The thing is to do it constructively. You have to listen to eachother, then repeat back generally what they said so they know you understood. Then you answer in a way that is not insulting. No name calling or anything like that. Try to keep your tone of voice down (this may be a big challenge, this is my personal challenge actually). Try to stick to one topic at a time to avoid confusion.
I have been with my common-law husband for 9 years. During that time there has been plenty of arguements. We try our best to settle them as soon as they start.
But arguing is an essential part of any relationship. It allows for a build up in frustration to be expressed. The point is to learn to be fair about it.
If there is love as you say, then you should be fine. You need to take stock of your relationship often. It's a lot of work. Many think a romantic relationship is all roses and candlelit dinners. It's actually a more intense and personal friendship. It demands time and attention.
You need to see him face-to-face to discuss the problems. Perhaps you were insensitive to him(?). Give him a chance to fully express himself and then be fair about it. Is he right? Do you owe him a sincere apology? Can the relationship continue realistically?
If you don't address it, it will only get worse. If you really love him and want to continue the relationship, then you must make amends sooner rather than later.
Take care and good luck.
2007-09-01 17:16:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let people tell you it's over. My bf and I came back from a big rift like this before. It DID help to take time apart. The thing was, we both realized that no other person would do. Emphasis: We BOTH realized this. Now, it may be that he has been hurt too badly and time apart will make him see he doesn't want to be with you... or time apart could heal him and he could forgive you. It's really up to him at this point and all you can do is hope for the best. What you DON"T want to do is get back into a relationship where the other party is hesitant. Trust me, it doesn't feel good to think someone is just "tolerating" you. You want him to WANT to be with you just like you want to be with him. Give him time to figure out his feelings and when he gets back to you, accept his decision whether it's what you want to hear or not. You will be better off letting him figure this out rather than wasting time with someone who feels lukewarm about the relationship. If he feels lukewarm now it won't take long for the whole relationship to grow cold.
2007-09-01 16:56:49 · answer #3 · answered by Just gorgeous dahling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ummmm...maybe a break might be good for you. Take the time to see what else is out there. If it's meant to be it'll happen. My opinon is that your boyfreind is a jerk. If you hurt him in some way a week ago why didn't he tell you....a week ago? It's not very fair that he made you think that everything was going great and then all of a sudden bring up something in the past. It's going to be awkard for while,but that's normal. Maybe it's time to cut your losses and find someone who will be up front with you all the time.
2007-09-01 16:52:18 · answer #4 · answered by Rebecca D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dear sunshine,
your relationship can never go back to where it was. we all learn from our mistakes and when they say it takes 2 hands to clap you know it really does. if both of you work at the relationship and forgive each other, this is how you mend it.
and the relationship will continue to grow.
All you need to know is that you're at a better place now. Why? because you grew with each other. you went through things with him, and found out more about him.
keep working on the relationship. through your arguments you will find a meeting place better than you once had before.
wish you all the best
<3
2007-09-01 16:48:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everybody has a bad day or feels sorry for themselves sometimes, and sometimes they take it out on others. But if he continues to treat you worse than he'd treat total strangers, let him know that he's causing you pain. If he keeps it up after that, he's already decided to end the relationship and is trying to distance himself. Then it's time to move on.
2007-09-01 16:52:46 · answer #6 · answered by jbean444 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my god. that is so ironic, its not even funny. The EXACT same thing happened to my boyfriend of a yr. and a half! just a few days ago, actually. Things are so so uncomfortable now because I just dont know how to act around him. His confusion about how he feels for me, has caused me to be confused about how I feel. And now its a big knot of confusion. I hate it. But seriously, just tell him everything you think and feel.
2007-09-01 16:48:30 · answer #7 · answered by yeahh! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sometimes people really can't cause, well, i don't know. But I loved someone so much, we broke up becaus ehe was gonna move, so then then later in the summer he didn't cause he got adopted. And well, I really want him back,but I know it's not gonna happen........well, anyway write back or give your email or something. oH YEAH, AND i'M A GIRL, NOT A BOY.
2007-09-01 16:50:10 · answer #8 · answered by dayday8312 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It'll never be the way it was.
Sounds like it has not been good for him for a while.
Maybe, with some work, you might fix things.
If you can't even talk to him about it,
open and upfront, it's already over.
2007-09-01 16:52:13 · answer #9 · answered by Irv S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try the time apart. Sometimes that can clear the air, and if you date again, you know what types of things to do or not to do...I think you both need a breather.
2007-09-01 16:47:52 · answer #10 · answered by Marie Catherine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋