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I'm a bridesmaid in my cousins wedding. Her maid of honor is a pain and isn't on top of the things she is to do. I am helping plan the bridal shower that is next weekend. Let's just say she is not aware of the timing at all even though we have discussed it time and time...so anyways mostly it's me doing the important stuff at the last minute because she it too worried about the cake to book a venue, I had to stay on her to get the invites out on time...etc.

NOW, to the latest issue. She had me ask the brides mother for money and my mother and the other bridesmaids (my sisters) for the shower. I thought that you are to put on the invite who is throwing the shower. On the invite she did not do that, so it looks like she is throwing it alone. My family (nor me) who have given alot of money have not been acknowledged. What can I do to get it corrected? Also, what is the etiquette on gifts when ur spending tons of $ on a wedding as a maid of honor?Any advice would be appreciated

2007-09-01 08:34:25 · 15 answers · asked by You Don't Know Me! 4 in Family & Relationships Weddings

By the way...it's not about me getting "regonition", but it is about the rest of the family and doing what is correct and proper for the situation.

2007-09-01 09:48:25 · update #1

15 answers

I would try as hard as you can to get along with her after all this is for your cousin. Maybe after the wedding your cousin will see who should have been the real maid of honor.


As for the invitations if they are already sent out there is nothing you can do and resending them will look tacky. What I would do is to make a toast at the shower and tell how happy you now the couple will be and then say "and finally I would like to thank my aunt and mother for there continous help (and finicial support) in helping myself and (maid of honor) plan this wonderful day.

As for the gift you should still give one the same as you would if you where not a bridesmaid. This is your family after all and the money you spend you wouldnt even remeber in 10 years.

2007-09-01 08:48:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

First of all -- stop focusing on the maid of honor and start focusing on making your cousin's wedding a happy day. There's an old saying: "It's a lot easier to get things done if you don't worry about who gets the credit for it." Yes, the invitation should have acknowledged everyone who was hosting the party, but you can't get it "corrected" at this point. Who do you want acknowlegement FROM? The bride? I'm sure she knows how much you're doing. The other guests? What do you care what they think? And why do you think they care who is throwing the shower?

MOH sounds pretty clueless, so you shouldn't let her cluelessness get in the way of a nice shower for your cousin. To ask the mothers of the bride and groom to contribute to the shower is tacky. Family shouldn't be throwing a shower. Good grief, how much should a simple shower cost, anyway? A cake, a light lunch or snacks, a few corny games -- how hard is it?

As a bride, I would not expect a gift from a MOH, because she is already having the spend money on her dress, perhaps transportation, etc. If I were a MOH, I would give a small gift at the shower and consider myself done.

RE: Your additional details: Dear, who died and made you Miss Manners? You can't be responsible for other people's behavior, or "make them behave" -- the best you can do is be the epitome of class and kindness yourself and hope the rest of the world takes a hint.

2007-09-01 09:05:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

I really hope you don't hang the Maid of Honor out to dry just yet if only for the bride's sake. As far as letting people know that you did contribute with others, it would be very appropriate and tasteful to thank them in the form of a toast at the shower. The MOH might not realize all of her responsibilities. I realize you have discussed the shower with her, but she might not realize everything she is supposed to do. One way to approach this is to obtain one of the many books available on wedding planning and show her the page/chapter or however much space devoted to the MOH. If she needs help getting organized the two of you could grab a cheap day planner and mark all the duties on it.. This should help enlighten her and give her a time line. I really hope the two of you can work together long enough to help with the wedding. If she is impossible and there are other bridesmaids, I would suggest dividing the responsibilities among all the bridesmaids. That way all the work gets done and you and the bride aren't overly stressed. Just keep in mind that after the wedding you never have to see or talk to the MOH ever again if you don't want to. The bride will appreciate all your hard work. Good luck and I hope this helps.

2007-09-01 09:51:01 · answer #3 · answered by moonprincess_serenity2000 2 · 2 0

As far as the gift, usually the bridal party chips in for 1 shower gift. Since you chipped in to pay for the shower, you can have that be your gift. I would just forget about the maid of honor, do what you can to make it a great shower for your cousin who is getting married. If you do what is needed, everyone wil see that YOU are the one working hard and they will compliment you not the maid of honor.

She should have put on the invitation that the bridal party was throwing the shower, especially since she is asking for money form you, but since it's too late...

Just do the right thing what comes around goes around!

Good luck!

2007-09-01 10:34:30 · answer #4 · answered by Reba 6 · 1 0

You are being manipulated by her. Let her ask for money. You do not have to deal with her at all. You are a bridesmaid and only have to do what the bride asks you so I would quietly step back and out and let her do her crazyy things. Yes you still have to get a shower and wedding gift. I hope that the money hasnt been given her yet. Simply have the brides mother tell her that since the invitation looks like it is her shower , it IS her shower and she can pay.

2007-09-01 09:14:30 · answer #5 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1 1

WOW!!! This is so funny!!! I just went through EXACTLY the same thing with my cousin's wedding!! I mean down to the Tee. How funny. The best advice I can give you is to just "grin and bear it!" I KNOW how frustrating it is!! Just remember that it will be over with before you know it and you won't have to deal with it any more. I always tried to keep in the back of my mind that is was for my cousin, but after awhile she started to make things difficult to put up with. Just cut the bride some slack, it's a stressful time for her. If it's really becoming a problem you should have a talk with the maid of honor. Good Luck !!!!

2007-09-01 09:03:41 · answer #6 · answered by Heather C 2 · 1 0

If she's your MOH, she's your best friend, correct? If so, I think you're long overdue to have a convo with her. Nobody here knows her, meaning we don't know if she tends to wait til the last moment, or if she's the type to keep quiet if something is bothering her. It doesn't matter, though, because if she's not cooperating, you need to find out why. Don't text or email. Call her up and tell her you need to know for sure that she still wants to be in the wedding and, if so, have a deadline in mind where she needs to be committed to a dress and put money down on it. Also, to be honest, I'm not crazy about your gifts. On makeup, hair and nails, if the bride wants these done professionally, it's on her to pay for it, not the bridesmaids. All they committed to was buying dress and maybe shoes. So the nail kit seems like a strange gift. I'd think most of us have our own ideas what colors we like, what brands we use, etc. The one thing you need to be careful about is that the gifts are to thank them for their help, not to make them look nice in your wedding photos. If you're positive all of them would love the jewelry and wear it again, then this is a nice gift. But if not, it isn't much of a thank you to the ones who wouldn't wear it again. I'm just mentioning this as something to keep in mind.

2016-05-18 22:40:26 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0 0

If the invites are done, there's nothing you can do about that.

But, what you can do is have you and your mom and any other family members who will be at the shower, act like the hostesses. Greet people as they come in, tell them how glad you are they could make it. Don't say anything to the moh at the shower, just take over. If she says anything, tell her not to worry, you're handling it! Do it nicely!

It will soon be obvious to everyone that you are an integral part of the shower!

2007-09-01 08:55:40 · answer #8 · answered by valschmal 4 · 1 0

Contrary to what some say you are never required to give a gift at a wedding, whether you can attend or not, whether you are in the wedding party or not. Her gift from you is you saying 'yes' to being in the wedding.

You cannot change the invites, so just thank whoever helped you out with arranging the bridal shower sometime during the event. I have never seen an invite that stated who was throwing it.

2007-09-01 08:57:56 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0 2

omg she sounds like an absolute horror!don't worry it will all come back to bite her on the a*s. when people ask her how she did this or that or where such and such was from,she wont be able to give a convincing answer so people will know she hasn't got a clue. let her do everything else from now on as it was meant to be her job and just watch her struggle!it will become clear soon enough that she did nothing and you can sit back and bask in the knowledge that u did the lions share. well done u tho . . . .i would have given her a hiding long ago

2007-09-01 08:56:00 · answer #10 · answered by fingerlickinchicken 4 · 1 0

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