Why shouldn't I end it all? Forever?

Question

I can't stand being alive anymore, it's just too damn painful. I've been clinically depressed for a year now and it's killing me. The last year has been one bad thing after another. First, my best friend runs away, gets raped, comes back, and is found to be pregnant. Then her abusive father kills her unborn child...my godchild. Then my girlfriend starts being distant and I screw everything up with her; I might have lost her forever now. My family hates me and I despise my school. I love my friend, my family, especially my girlfriend...but what can I do? No matter how hard I try, I only make things worse. I can't take this pain anymore.

Why shouldn't I just kill myself and stop this forever?

So you know...I am already seeing a psychologist and I am already on medication. I am not a Christian, so please do not preach to me about Jesus Christ. No offense, just not in my religion...

Answer 1

Suicide is not the answer as you already no, things may feel bad at the moment but try this exercise:

1. YOU SIT YOURSELF DOWN
2. GIVE YOURSELF A WHILE TO RELAX, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND TRY TO EMPTY ALL THOUGHTS FROM YOUR HEAD.
3. IMAGINE YOURSELF IN AN EMPTY ROOM, LOOK AROUND, THERE ARE SOME OPEN DOORS BUT OTHERWISE THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE
4. SLOWLY ONE BY ONE EVERY ONE YOU LOVE AND WHO LOVES YOU WALKS IN.
5. THEY CAN NOT SEE YOU, THEY CAN NOT HEAR YOU.
6. THEY ARE TALKING, CHATTING IN QUIET VOICES ABOUT YOU.
7. SLOWLY ONE BY ONE THEY LEAVE THE ROOM, WONDER AWAY, LEAVING YOU IN THE ROOM. YOU CAN NOT LEAVE.
8. AS THE LAST PERSON LEAVES, THEY CLOSE THE DOOR BEHIND THEM.
9. SLOWLY OPEN YOUR EYES AND BRING YOURSELF BACK TO THE HERE AND NOW.

Ask yourself if you wanted to be left in that room, be not seen and not able to speak, how did that feel? Is that what you want for you and all those loved ones?

Now take a deep breath, get up and try and do something take your mind off these suicidal thoughts......
If you cause physical harm to your body in order to deal with overwhelming feelings, then you are not alone. There is nothing shameful about this behaviour. It is likely that this is the only way you have right now for coping with difficult feelings.

However, you may have decided that you would like to change your situation. This outlines alternative techniques that you may find helpful to break the cycle of self-harm.

Try to make yourself safe before reading further. Some of this advice contains material that may temporarily intensify the urge to self-harm in some people.

Self-harm includes the following:
-deliberate physical harm to yourself to the extent of causing tissue damage. (Breaking the skin, brusing, leaving marks that last for more than an hour).
-Causing harm to yourself as a way of dealing with unpleasant or overwhelming emotions, obsessive thoughts or dissociation.
-Thinking about self-harm even when you are relatively calm and not doing it at the moment.

The way you choose to harm yourself could be cutting, hitting, burning, scratching, skin-picking, banging your head, breaking bones, not letting wounds heal and others.

If you self-harm this may inicate that somewhere along the line you did not have the oppotunity to learn alternative ways of coping with overwhelming feelings. People who self-harm are people in pain who have developed self-harm as a coping mechanisim. Whilst being a coping mechanisim however it is also self-destructive. Learning other, less harmful ways to cope can help to break the vicious cycle.

There is evidence that people who self-harm, when faced with strong emotions or overwhelming situations choose to harm themselves because it brings a rapid release from tension and anxiety. These situations cause an increase in psychological arousal, and self-harm reduces that level of arousal, so it feels manageable. The person may feel a release of emotion and may feel guilty or angry with themselves afterwards.

People who self-harm say that self-harm can provide:
-Escape from emptiness, depresion and feelings of unreality.
-A release of tension.
-Expression of emotional pain
-An escape from numbness
-A feeling of euphoria.
-A way of punishing oneself for being 'bad'
-Relief of anger
-A sense of control over one's body
-A way of expressing or coping with feelings of alienation.

When memories, thoughts, beliefs or events are excessively painful, instead of facing them directly and feeling emotional pain, we sometimes deflect distress into pain that seems understandable and controllable, like that of self-harm. The emotional feelings associated with the event that are being avoided get over-ridden by those of the situation you create to distract yourself. It hurts, but it is a controllable familiar hurt, whereas the pain you are avoiding seems scary and overwhelming.

You might feel that if you ever exposed yourself to the emotional pain you would loose control. It is a clever mechanisim. It takes what seems unbearable and transforms it into something you can control. The problem is that when we deflect pain, we never face up directly to what it is that has caused such problems in our lives. This pain then never lessens in intensity. It keeps coming back and the self-harm continues.

Every time you can meet the emotional pain head on and feel it, and tolerate the distress, it looses a little of it's ability to overwhelm you. Exposure over time will build your tolerence to these events and enable you to lay them to rest. The key is learning to tolerate distress.


Ok so you've got probs as me: history of sexual abuse, emotional and psychological abuse, and a history of substance abuse. I have depression, with an anxiety disorder with panic attacks. I am a cutter as well and agoraphobic. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and clinical depression. I have been like this since i was 14 and am now 35. I'm a single mum of a 4 year old, with an ex whose just about to go to jail for a year at least and is a control freak! I've bin single 2 years now. I take celexa and diazepam in large doses and have done for 2 years. (I've just recently cut my dose of celexa without my docs knowledge-naughty but felt it was the right thing to do for me). I've done loads of research on the web and have contact with a lot of PTSD sufferers. I see a psychologist, a psychotherapist, a councillor and a doctor regularly. The only thing is that i don't have promiscuity problems, but the opposite (which is common, over/under eating; over promiscuious or not able to have sexual relationships etc) and that's ok. I have/am learning now how to try to deal with this, and one thing i can definately say is 'willpower' is very important. You have to deal with the here and now first and work your way back. Visualisation, meditation and positive thought patterns are the start.

Most PTSD sufferers have negative thought patterns that started from when the trauma stress began, they become a 'habit' the 'normal' and continue to allow the re-livng of that traumatic event in the concious and subconcious. It's sooooo difficult but you have to retrain your brain to change those negative thought patterns to more positive, less demanding and more accepting. When these thinking patterns are practiced and become the 'normal' thought pattern, then only, can you go back in your mind and relieve the past traumatic events by using the same tried and tested thought patterns. The memory of the event can never be taken away, but i do believe it is possible to recover from PTSD and not need meds or psychological help anymore, but it takes time and a lot of willpower and determination.Here's another answer i gave to a question on PTSD recently,

Inpatient treatment is not required and if anything could make you worse. I also have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse, and have done a lot of research on the treatment of it. No religion or 12 step is of any use and will not help i can assure you. It's impossible to 'block it' but you can learn to move on in your life. You have a future and however grim it may look right now this can be 'managed' to lessen it's grip over you. It's all to do with the circuits in your brain and how they have changed by / since the trauma. The brain has a self-defence mechaninsim that comes into force in order to prevent the trauma from reoccuring. In doing so it keeps the memory alive and fresh, which accounts for the flashbacks and nightmares. These memories can never be taken away, there is no magic wand and, it's not possible to remove these memories by surgical means! I have started to see a psychotherapist who practices The Rewind Technique and i am holding great hope in this for me. Granted, not everything works for everyone but have a look at The Human Givens Institute research here on the internet There is also EMDR, EFT, CBT and other recognised help techniques that are far more scientifically based than the 12 step!! The trick is to retrain the brain so as to make it able to open the neuro-transmitters that are required to allow this memory to be 'cataloged' as in the same way that you would a 'normal' bad memory.


If you want to chat more about this feel free to e-mail me. Good Luck. :))




Source(s):

Daily suicidal thoughts/tendancies!! 20 years.

Answer 2

Nobody said life was going to be easy or even good all the time. Sometimes it seems that nothing goes your way and just when you are ready to give up, if you hang in there, it completely turns around and something happens to bring you joy. If you have been diagnosed as clinically depressed, chances are you are on medication. Do you take it the way you are supposed to? Has the Doctor reviewed your meds recently? I ask because there are anti-depressants out there that actually cause suicidal thoughts in younger people. Maybe stop trying to fix things for now and talk with your Dr. This may be a little beyond your control. What happened to your friend and her baby is just horrible - I can see where that would shake you. As for your girlfriend, whenever you go out with someone, there is always the chance that it won't work out. You date them to see if they are the one - sometimes yes and sometimes no. A break-up is a normal part of life and nothing to get suicidal over. She may be freeing you up for the right girl who will make you feel good and happy. I guarantee that your family does not hate you - they may not always understand you, but if you went to them and told them you were considering ending it all, they would take action and help you any way they can because they love you. As for school, the school year just started. I don't think that you are giving it a chance and need to not be so hard on it. As you can see, I sorted through each thing one by one as you should do - quit clumping it all together and just hating the whole friggin' world. Your statement "I can't take this pain anymore" - yes you can. If someone with cancer who is going through Chemo, radiation and is sicker than hell all the time can take the pain, so can you. If your friend who actually lived through the rape and the death of her child can survive it, so can you. I suggest you talk with your parents and get to the Dr. - lay all your cards on the table. Ending it all just isn't the way to handle life's events.

Answer 3

Because your life is everything, all that you have and you don't know for sure that death is forever. It might be worse. You said you are on med's under the care of a psychologist. I want to recommend a group and book to supplement this treatment. It is recovery International Inc. There may be a local chapter near you, contact:

www.recovery-inc.org.

It is a non-religious, non-profit group with many local chapters founded in 1937 by the late Dr. Abraham Low. He wrote a book outlining his methods:

Abraham A. Low MD;"Mental Health through Will Training"; Willett Publishing Co., Glencoe IL, 1997

This book has been in continuous publication since 1950 and is available from Recovery Int'l. as well as Amazon.com

Suicidal depression, indeed all depression is a God given signal that has evolved to signal you that your thinking habits and/or environment are bad for you at the moment and you need to change course for your own good.

Notice I said at the moment; things will change but if it is your thinking that is bad this may be hard to change without help. Negative thinking has a tendency to be self-reinforcing. A negative thought results in a down feeling and this results in more negative thinking and so forth. breaking this cycle is where this group helps.

If you are seriously considering suicide call:

i-800-SUICIDE Immediately

Good luck, good health, peace and love!

Answer 4

You desperately need help. You say you love your girlfriend, your friend and your family ,well think of how they will feel if you killed yourself! They will miss you terribly, and will feel awful, and may never be able to go on with their lives. Not only will you be ending your life but you will be ending their lives also. No they will not be dead but their lives will be forever changed and not the same. Hurry to a therapist, priest, or teacher and tell them about all that has happened near you. You have had a lot to deal with, more than you should have to bear, but you need someone to talk to about all this. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Sounds like you might be on the wrong meds. Call you doctor ASAP and let them know everything.
I've had mine changed about 4 times now and this last one he put me on seems to be working pretty good. PS, I'm Bipolar.
I rather a psychiatrist than a psychologist, my psychologist only made me more depressed so I never went back.

Answer 6

Why don't you think on the good things that happened in your live ? Live don't go the way we want it to go, there are always good and bad things . You are concentrated on the bad things. This will never let you feel better.
Go and take a walk on the sea or in the woods,enjoy the nature , look to a flower how it grows
Don't look on television to bad news
Surround ur self with people who love the live , be sure all of us have bad things happened in our live. its just the way you handle it.
Be positive

with you luck

Answer 7

As someone who lost the man I loved to suicide, I can tell you that you would totally devastate the lives of those you love if you did end it all.
Therapy, medication, prayer, whatever it takes. Please get yourself professional help. There really is so much to live for. I didn't' think so, but am honestly grateful to be alive today. If I had ended my life the times I tried, I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter, the friends I have who love me, or the job I love. Please take care of yourself and hold on, get help, and keep moving forward. Take care/God bless.

Answer 8

what will killing your self accomplish? i was that way to, different details mind you, but i thought that there was no point in living. i have some scars to prove it to. the thing is to always try and think that things can't always be this bad. if you were like me then you will probably think that it will. but trust me on this when i say that life is worth living. by the way, ask your doctor to switch around your meds because even two pills are almost the exact same thing they can have a totally different effect. if you wanna talk email me at [e-mail]

Answer 9

Simply because it is not the right thing to do. There are many negatives in your letter, you do sound depressed and you need help. You should be seeing a Doctor for your Depression. and also go to your Priest of Pastor, and start going to Church and meeting other people. When you get to know Your Lord and Savior Jesus The Christ, your life will change, and you are going to find life good and worth living. You are a Child of God and God loves you that is why you should go on living

Answer 10

Don't worry, i dout ur making things worse, and killing ur self wont help. Try to think about happier things and just try ur best to help but if you can't do anything, just try to accept that and don't worry. I'm not sure how to word this, but please, just don't kill urself. ^_^

Answer 11

YOU DONT MAKE THING WORSE

JUST BE POSITIVE AND THINK OF ALL THE POSITIVE THINGS IN LIFE AND HAVE CONFEDENCES AND THAT JUST KNOW THAT THEIRS IS ALLWAYS AT LEST 2 PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WHO CARES AND LOVES YOU
YOU MAY HAVE NOT MEET THIS PERSON

JUST BE POSTIVE
LIVE A LITTLE
GET THE BEST OF LIFE
LIVEN IT UP