I'd searched on here, to see if somebody has posed a question of this nature. Seems to be none.
Okay this is a dilemma. I've dated and known a woman for 3 years. We were on/off for 3 years. Due to not telling me or showing how she is really feels about me. When we had split up, she dated somebody else ...now carrying his child. I had made it very clear to this person, for them not to contact me ever again. She makes assumptions that i never made myself clear, whereas i have done. She still calls me. I told her how i still have very strong feelings for her. I done everything for her, but she never did anything back in return. Is it wise to rekindle a relationship, although she is expecting her second child. Is she only contacting me for her needs or does this person started to now realise 'what she had, is now gone' and is trying to make amends. Does it make a person weak and losing their dignity for something that was once, but doesn't want to get hurt ever again by the very person.
2007-09-01 05:07:00 · 13 answers · asked by darkdealx 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am what you call your typical 'Nice Guy' with a 'Heart Of Gold' aka 'Sucker For Love' type of man. I go the full 10 yards for a very special woman. But if you have done everything ...all they do is act immature, don't make an effort in say surprising you in taking you out or doing anything for you. She was simply eating her cake and getting greedy, is that the right definition for putting it. I know a woman likes to be treated like a queen, but it seems they are not willing to do the same in return. The only problem is this ...she is my weakness ....i clearly and dearly have strong feelings, but one of those men that can't walk away or still allow myself to get hurt. So why does she still pop up around me, is it how i treated her and feel for her, that she starts to realise who is the right person for her. Does it make a man brave/bold in ignoring all the hurt/pain caused and rekindle a relationship that is going to be difficult on the other person expressing their feelings towards u
2007-09-01 05:17:54 · update #1
I was the person who had instigated in meeting up. I had met her last night. I was asking not pressurising questions, but she is the same old woman that i know her for ...unable to give me a clear straight answer. What her true intentions. She had chucked out the other guy, who took up residence at her place, as soon as she found her she was pregnant. She threw him out 2 months ago, then she starts to contact me. As mentioned on the previous additional details....i had told this woman, i want nothing to do with her, i don't want to be second best to anybody. I am not trying to fill a void of loneliness for myself. Its just unfortunately ....all the hurt, pain and miserable that happens in a relationship when you love them ...the circumstances are still unclear after yesterday's meeting. Although i sort of drop hints of what direction and person that i am, when i had a relationship with somebody. I also told her straight that i had started to go on dates with other people. But stopped
2007-09-01 05:24:41 · update #2
To further expand on this scenario ...i also told this person ...that i do not engage with females as friends. I had stated my reasons to this person. But in a way i am sort of contradicting myself. I mean i don't see this woman as a 'friend'. But more of a special person in my life. I had even told her 'She is a special person in my life'. Is she thinking that i'm a friend to her, whereas i told her clearly i don't do friends with females. As i have my reasons etc
2007-09-01 05:27:36 · update #3
Do yourself a huge favor, move on bro. If she really loves you she wouldn't have slept with another dude.
2007-09-01 05:13:23 · answer #1 · answered by why not 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to analyze your life and decisions because you act and say things without thinking. First you say that your new girlfriend got herself pregnant--how is that possible? In a sexual relationship there is 50% of her responsibility and 50% yours so be a man and admit your actions. Now about this girl you loved,it seems you didn't appreciate her when you had her and you hurted her very much.She probably has feelings for you but I don't think she trusts you because you have acted immaturely. You ended up the relationship because you had problems but we all have problems then you disappeared and never got the room. You need to stop running away and face your problems and decisions.Give her some time and don't pressure her and in the meantime try to get your act together and demonstrate to her that you have matured and that she can trust you. Maybe if she sees a change in you she might consider giving you another chance.But if she still refuses after that,then you must respect her choice and move on. The world does not revolve around you.People have feelings. The first step in becoming responsible is to be there for your child and don't hide it from your ex.
2016-04-02 22:05:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are her safety blanket, the one person who is always there for her, saying and doing all the right things. It does not sound like she loves you as a partner should if she never does anything in return though and you are right to question why she wants you in her life again.
You obviously do care for her very much but after three years of trying and failing to maintain a solid relationship with this woman, maybe you do need to take several large steps back. She is pregnant and likely feeling vulnerable and confused and wanting to feel some stability in her life i.e. you. But what do you get out of this? It sounds like she's already hurt you up to this point - could you handle being hurt even more?
You must talk to her, explain exactly how you feel and ask her what it is she expects of you. If she doesn't view you as a long term partner then you have your answer. Alternatively if she is willing to make a real go of it then I wish you both the best of luck.
We don't choose who we love but we can choose a path that will give us joy not pain.
2007-09-01 05:56:55 · answer #3 · answered by Lost and found 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not like what I have to say but It seems that the both of you were more addicted to the drama of the relationship than the actual relationship it self, especially if its been on/off for 3 years. There come a point when it becomes tiring and in that case she had enough and got with someone else during the split.
Her priority is her child and I'm afraid that you have to leave her alone to get on with her life. Stop contacting her and refuse to take her calls, you need to be the bigger person now and you have to remember that she is not the only woman on this planet.
You need to have a bit more self respect. Anyone can see that this relationship is not healthy in the slightest..
2007-09-01 06:52:42 · answer #4 · answered by honest girl! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is going to sound hard and uncaring!!
The truth is she is doing nothing but using you for everything you have! It makes her look much better to have a GOOD MAN! With that said, I am going to explain. You seem to be a very good man with a great heart! She sees this in you. This is a great way for her to keep you where she wants you, nothing else!! She is much better looking with you next to her! What I am saying she is pregnant with another mans child and soon will have this baby, without you with her, and the goodness you have and show, she looks like a trashy lady!! I am not trying to be mean; I am only trying to help you understand! Women when they are pregnant have many emotions, from being full of smiles and love one time, then being all sad and down, a few minutes later. If she is using you like I think, what will you gain? You will gain nothing but heart ache! I would much rather you have a life that is full of love and respect for yourself and someone who loves you and won't abuse the love you have for one another:)
I hope this helps you a little:)
Thanks
Rags37:):)
2007-09-01 05:39:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tricky because there are a lot of issues here. She is pregnant, and its not your child, so what to be of the father, did he take off, does he expect to be in his child's life, also can you accept this child if things get serious.
It is more or less up to you on if you want to take the risk that she just wants you there for her and the baby, or that she does realize she loves you. because of your very strong feelings for her, you could be setting yourself up to have your heart broken again, or she may have changed and it turns out to be the best decision you ever made. You need to have a heart to heart with her and find out what she is expecting from you, is she just missing great sex, or is she looking for love and sees that she let you get away.
Also you say this is her second child. If things don't work out again, and you leave the picture, its not just you and her involved here, there's children too. I'm sure you are close to the older child from your previous relationship, and when she has the baby, and you are there again, if things don't work out then you are losing her and 2 kids.
I can't say what you should do, only you know what your heart can handle, but think about it, and weigh the possible outcomes of your decision. I know you will end up deciding what is best for you.
2007-09-01 05:16:44 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Always Right 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
this is a very messy situation. I would only go back to that person if i was 200 % sure that we were a workable couple, cos believe me, her carrying someone elses child is NOT going to be easy. SHe is going to need to see the child's father on a regular basis (how are you gonna feel about that?)
by the way, if she is coming back to you now that her relationship with the baby's father hasnt worked out, i'dsay she is just scared of being left holding the baby and wants some support (its not easy being pregnant or raising a child alone). You dont always have to be noble or brave or whatever, sometime you have to look out for number one. WHy dont you deserve someone that loves you equally as much? WHy do you have to be the hero?
2007-09-01 05:16:47 · answer #7 · answered by Chimera's Song 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I Personally think you should move on because right now the she seems in a stable relationship with the baby involved. I think she may not have gotten the message but i think it's ok to be friends. Judging as you guys being in a relationship .. on/off , not treating you the same , having second child . I think you should just move on. Also with her calling you , why don't you just talk and ask about her feelings and if she still has feelings for you and go with her it can be dangerous .
2007-09-01 05:18:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you want to know what I think then I will tell you, but it's not nice for you, sorry to be harsh.
If she has never made herself clear about how she feels for you, then she feels very little I am afraid. If she really wanted to be with you she would be. But she isn't, she is pregnant to someone else. And after stringing you along for three years, and now even when pregnant with another mans child she can call you up and you tell her you still love her. What an ego boost that must be for her, to know after all that you still want her. And she's alone now, pregnant, vunerable, probably guna be skint soon, with two kids to look after, of course she's guna go running back to the one guy who will be with her. How hard do you think it's guna be for her to get someone else while she's pregnant? Nigh impossible I would say, and newborn babies not so romantic, but here's you, willing to help, willing to take her back...........In my opinion she is just going to use you to get her throught his tough time. Maybe she will genuinely fall for you if you help her, or maybe once she's back on her feet she'll bugger off with someone else, who knows, only you can decide if she is worth the potential pain of having that happen.
Hope it works out good for both of you.
2007-09-01 05:18:29 · answer #9 · answered by CHARISMA 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
For goodness sake take a bite of a reality sandwich. it is no good telling someone not to contact you if you then tell her you have strong feelings for her and respond to her - talk about giving mixed messages. She is preganant by someone else so grow up and get rid of the passivity blanket you seem to have. If she contacts you again tell her you wish her well but you feel that she must work on her relationship with the father of her children. DO NOT go on about your own feelings but tell her not ot contact you again and then change your phone number. Get call screening and if she does try and contact you again ignore the calls/letters/ knocks on door / everything. If necessary get a new job miles away and move. Sever all contact and learn to work a relationship that is exclusive. Can I make myself any clearer.
2007-09-01 05:15:39 · answer #10 · answered by D B 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If your relationship was meant to be, it wouldn't have been off and on like that. If she really cared about you she wouldn't mess you around like how she has. What makes you think that if you got back with her the relationship wouldn't continue to be off and on? Do you really want to continue like that?
I think she has gotten herself into a predicament and has come running back because she knows how you feel about her. Sorry mate but she's bad news! You should steer well clear as you deserve someone that's going to love and respect you. Neither of which she appears to do
2007-09-01 05:47:27 · answer #11 · answered by Claire W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋