My son is 12 years old, and only has a few chores that he has to do, and they only get done when I tell him to do them. We have been struggling financially in the family here lately, and my husband called to inform me that he got a $300 bonus today from work and when he gets home we'll all go shopping. It's been soooo long since I went shopping for pleasure. I told my son and he said, "How much will I get?" my husband said that if he behaved all day and didn't argue with me, he'd give him $10. My son got mad and started crying. He says he should get at least $20 and I said, be grateful for what you have, $10 is more than you had yesterday. Then my husband got mad and said if he won't be happy with $10 I'll just keep it! My husband pawned a ring yesterday and got gas and cigarettes then bought my son a game for his PSP with the rest so it's not like he never gets things. Shouldn't he be grateful for $10 or should we give him more? I know $10 isn't a lot, but it's something!
2007-09-01 04:49:14 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
My son is fully aware of the financial situation of the family. He's lived through the water being shut off, the electricity being shut off, the a/c breaking down, and no money for groceries (not all at the same time, but within the last few months or so) so he knows we don't have money to spare.
2007-09-01 05:08:15 · update #1
Your son is being a brat. Think about if someone offered you $10 out of the goodness of their hearts. Would you whine for more money, or take it and say thanks? I am a kid and even I think he should not get any money now.
2007-09-01 04:59:15 · answer #1 · answered by Steve 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You should try to negociate this through with all members of the family present. From the situation you're describing, it sounds like there's not a whole lot of actual communication happening.
In this day and age, when kids, especially around the teenage years, are feeling social pressure to keep up with their friends and have all the latest gadgets, it is normal for a 12 year old boy to want a bit more pocket money. However, if you (and your husband) sat down with him and explained the financial situation, it is more likely that in the future, he would be less likely to bawl his eyes out for the sake of ten dollars. If you want your child to be gracious and accept ten dollars free of negotiation, with all due respect, ma'am, you must first teach him graciousness.
I suggest that after a discussion, a reasonable sum would be perhaps 15 dollars or maybe 10 in cash with an ice cream or a family movie outing. Kids usually love bowling. I certainly hope you don't let financial status create a rift in your household, as it surely has in many. In the future, if your husband were to receive more bonuses, I would also suggest not telling your child the full amount, so that he would not be able to accurately tell whether or not he is getting a full share that he thinks he deserves.
I wish you the best of luck in your situation, and I hope you remember this, if nothing else: Nothing, not money or anything else, is more important than family. Nothing.
Edit:
Serena, I think that your family could still use a sit-down conversation, regardless of the fact that apparently everyone knows of the financial situation. There's going to come a time when you need to start treating your son as the third adult in the house. I'm not suggesting that that is the case right now, (in fact it 99% probably isn't) but there's going to be a day where you're going to have to teach your child to grow up, and when he does, you've got to make sure you're not still keeping him in the dark on everything.
If I were him, and you gave me nothing since I had cried about getting 10 instead of 20, personally I would resent you more than anything. Sometimes people need to be reminded to be gracious. Now that you've reminded him to be gracious, if you give him the ten dollars, he should take it without fuss.
2007-09-01 11:59:17 · answer #2 · answered by bluejay_jh7 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your son is being a brat, you're right. I think that he needs to learn the value of money and not to be so selfish. At 12 years old, he can be earning some spending cash by himself, he is too old to be getting rewarded for good behavior. That should have come 6 years ago. He needs to find something to earn some of his own money, walking neighbors dogs, mowing neighbors lawn, or doing some kind of little thing like that. Once he realizes how hard you have to work to make 10 dollars, he will change his attitude. Next time you offer him 10 dollars, he will say WOW THANKS!! I would take the offer of 10 dollars off the table, if he just got a new game, he's not being deprived, he's acting like a brat. Best to teach him these lessons before he gets any older.
2007-09-01 12:18:10 · answer #3 · answered by howdesdoit 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't have time to read all your answers, so I don't know if I am repeating someone else. I feel your son needs to "earn" his money through chores. What I do is pay my son "by the job". If he folds a basket of clothes, he gets 50 cents (he's 6) if he helps wash dishes, 50 cents on the spot. I don't wait a week for him because since I am paying him little amounts at a time (which add up to about 5 - 7 dollars weekly), he can actually see his money growing in his clear piggy bank. I would NEVER say "If you be good I will pay you 10.00" because being good is to be expected!! If he does the chores ...pay him, if he is bad, then ground him. I'm not here to judge...just here to help...lol.
2007-09-01 13:41:00 · answer #4 · answered by Corona 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy.....it's time for him to give back to the community and see how people in a worse situation live. Do some family volunteering, it'll make him feel good and it brings the family together. It shows you that life is hard, there is always someone that has less than you and you should be grateful for everything.
Trust me on this one, as I'm a single mom w/4 kids and don't make enough to give anything extra except my time and heart. BTW, all my kids do this, their ages are 5m, 2yo, 6yo, and 11yo.
2007-09-01 12:32:13 · answer #5 · answered by Kitten916 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son is being a brat, and I wouldn't give him a penny at this time.
But if I could make a suggestion. Since you were willing to part with the $10 anyway, set it aside somewhere. Then one day in the future when he shows the proper gratitude for something that was done for him, give him the $10 then, and tell him that he could have had it a long time ago if he would have simply showed the gratitude that he did today.
2007-09-01 12:25:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
the child should be fine with what u give him but 10.00 is alittle low, maybe 20.00 if u can spare it but if he is going to act up; and pitch a tantrum then dont give him anything but put the extra money up for when he does do something nice and it should change the way he feels. i am little concerned by pawning a ring for cigarettes and psp game, isnt that teaching him to be selfish, i wouldnt of done that, but for gas i can see that but not for cigarettes and a psp game, that just isnt worth pawning stuff. if u need money for gas, food , rent electric, or whatever that is fine, but i am not sure about cigarettes and psp game. my kids have psp and they get games at easter, christmas and birthdays and that is usually it. but u are his parents and u need to do what ever u want...
2007-09-01 15:13:08 · answer #7 · answered by THE UK WILDCAT FAMILY 10 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband pawened a ring for cigarettes? Good sign he needs to quit smoking.
Your husband got the bonus - it belongs equally to the family. Not that your son should get 1/3 but he should get say $25.00
2007-09-01 21:55:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell your son I never got money for 'good behavior', not even for chores. Good behavior was just expected of me or else I was punished.
I used to question my parents why they would not give me money when I was at that age and they would say: "you wont learn the value of hard work".
Now that Im grown I did learn it! (Im 22)
Your son is being bratty IMO. But you are being a good parent and teaching him a valuable lesson.
Dont listen to the kids' answers! LOL
2007-09-01 11:54:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
yeah keep that ten dollars. show him that the value of earning that money. children today are to spoiled from having it just handed to them.( including mine) you said your husband just got him a PSP game. even if you hold onto the ten dollars and have him earn it in the next week.
2007-09-01 12:33:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋