Why ? Do people take advantage of my good nature??

Question

I am soo fed up! I feel like every one in my life (except for my family) take advantage of my good nature, including my boyfriend.
I always try to treat people the way i would like to be treated myself, so i am considerate, helpful, kind, loyal, trustworthy etc..
BUT my so called friends seem to take advantage of this fact, like it makes me stupid because im a nice person.
I have freinds who only get in touch the week before they want a haircut, (just in case you were wondering I am a qualified hairdresser) friends who always ask me to watch their children, but rarely return the favour, friends who dump all their problems on me, but never want to listen to mine. Friends who borrow money off me, but again do not return the favour etc etc
I am a single mum with three children and would just love to meet some like minded people, who are not just out for themselves

Answer 1

Being good is great, but it also leaves you wide open for not so great people, its like a weakness to them in a way and when they see a shot, they chew you up. I certainly agree with your question and I too really understand what your saying. I have learned to speak my mind pretty freely and have toned the nice guy part down just a notch, its like a wall that wont let anything get to me.

Answer 2

Believe me, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been in the same situation. The thing is, they will only be able to keep doing this because you ALLOW them to. There's a term for those kinds of "friends" I heard once: Life Leeches. They will take all they can from you and move on when it's done.

There's nothing wrong with being a good person and helping people out. What you need to do is to set boundaries. Here's some ideas:
Those people who only call for a haircut? Maybe you're busy that day or don't have time. Do you charge them for the cut? You are a professional and have the right to be compensated for your time.
Those folks who just call to have you watch their children? Say you can, but only if they can watch your little ones on a certain day (make that day BEFORE the day they want you to).
Stop loaning money to people (then you won't have to worry about not having money yourself) or make them sign a promissory note.
When someone calls to dump their problems, tell them you'd love to listen, but you need to get something off your chest first.

You will find out very quickly who your true friends are. Keep relationships with those people and let the other ones go. It's hard to lose friends, but true friends wouldn't take advantage of you like that.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I'm sorry to say this, but people will take advantage of you if they think they can get away with it. Of course this is not everyone.
You know that saying, "a friend in need is a friend indeed..."? Well don't put too much stock in it. A friend should be able to reciprocate, to be there for you too when you need them. Consider making your friends aware of your feelings. This does not mean that you have to change in any way (the world needs more people like you), just maybe they don't know that they are hurting you with their actions. Those friends of yours whose behaviour does not change after you speaking to them may not truly be your friends.
And in terms of borrowing money to friends who do not pay...you have to stop that. To many friendships are destroyed because of money issues. Consider closing the purse on them for a while, or maybe until the situation is unavoidable (like a life or death emergency).
It sounds as of these people are taking advantage of you, and you have to put your foot down at some point. Give your kids a role model of a parent who is not a "doormat", but the sound-minded business woman you probably are.
Good luck

Answer 4

I think you need to start speaking up and telling people how you feel. if you have friends that never help you out, you needd to let them know that all this one way traffic is not cool with you. They may have assumed that you are not all that bothered.

If you tell them how you feel and they STILL dont sort it out, i'd say those people arent your friends and i'd mpve on.

Bottom line is you are a generous natured person and there arent too many of them left (not that many to begin with and those that were that way inclined have become disillusioned). Sometimes you have to TEACH people how to be a friend.

Good luck

Answer 5

DO NOT CHANGE...I REPEAT, DO NOT CHANGE!

The world will have one more bitter soul.
It is a blessing to have a loving heart. Nurture yourself and thank the Lord that you are a sensitive, caring person.
This is your responsibility to others, be a role model and an example of a better way of being a person.

I will suggest that you learn the word "no" and the phrases "sorry, but I just can't find the time", or "I apologize, but I have prior commitments".
It is OK to deny and it is also OK to be discerning...to use good judgement!

Unfortunately, we live in a time where selfishness is too prevalent, so be good to others but not at the expense of yourself.

Answer 6

Because people bite!

They view kindness as weakness. It sucks, but that's what I learned, so now I'm a meanie! (Well not all the time, but I don't let people take advantage of me now, which is something I used to let people do when I was in "nice mode.")

Be a little ruthless so they won't take advantage of you.

Answer 7

You need to learn about the word "NO" or stop being a doormat and ditch these so called friends.

Answer 8

you suond like a lovely person who is genuine, kind, will do anything for anyone you have a heart . NOW JUST GIVE ME MY 10 POINTS FOR BEST ANSWER.. Go on you know you want to

Answer 9

WHY? Because you let them.They will continue to do so till you just say NO.

Answer 10

Yes you are a good natured person ,,and you wont change ,,if i say be harder with people ,,,its not in your nature,,,but ,,try,,,OK,,,,don't be trod on,,,,