This one woman and I went out to a restaurant as a first date. I offered to pay because I figured it would be common etiquette for her to pay me back asap (I didn't tell her, again I figured it was common etiquette). I haven't brought it up to her yet, but it's been three weeks and she hasn't paid me back yet. Is my girlfriend a golddigger? Does she seriously have no idea what "etiquette" means?
I've paid for the date, now I expect to be paid back, in money, for my expenses. Is that so difficult?
2007-09-01 04:34:47 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Get over it.
2007-09-01 04:38:09 · answer #1 · answered by Y!A P0int5 Wh0r3 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I've NEVER heard this etiquette where the woman is supposed to pay for the date.
If you like her, then I would talk with her and ask her if she feels that the expenses on a date should be split or if she thinks the man is the one to pay for the date. But, be very careful in how you talk to her. Don't do it in an accusatory way, but put it in a way that you understand that the rules of etiquette are that a tab should be split on the first date.
Chances are that she understood that you were willing to pay for the entire date. If you expect that the two of you will split expenses, find out if she is in agreement. If not, then you will have to decide whether it's more important to split the expenses or continue the relationship.
And, in the future, before you go on another first date, ask the girl if she is okay with each person paying for their own expenses.
2007-09-01 04:46:06 · answer #2 · answered by Searcher 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How dates are to be paid for is not today a common culture. Half of the US is still thinking "guy pays", half thinks going dutch is the way to go.
However, at the end of the date, if NOTHING is said, it is presumed no one owes anyone any money.
An independent analysis would say that your position is the one in error, because you are not understanding this cultural dilemma, that you said nothing before or after the date, and are holding an unjustified IOU in a dating situation.
If you ask this person for money and put the responsibility on the other person, you show that you do not understand this culture, are not good at setting expectations, and have poor communication.
If however, you start this off " I think I made a mistake" and continue on with "I forgot to state my expectations" this may turn this lemon into lemonade.
If you want to protect your relationship with this person and your reputation as a good person, proceed with caution.
MAYBE you are saying you expect her to now take you to dinner, or cook you a meal, or at least call you? You call her a "girlfriend" after one date? It does not work like that either, plus, personalities and lifestyle have a lot to do with it.
Couple all this with the fact that maybe she thought that the two of you did not quite "click", or in this world of comparisons, you did not make the "would go out with again" list.
Me thinks you need to study the culture and etiqutte of dating a bit before going on another date- i think this will increase your odds of having better dating experiences.
good luck
2007-09-01 04:52:37 · answer #3 · answered by Rockies VM 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes it is you fieking iditot. if you ask a woman out on a date the implication is YOU are asking to take HER somewhere for a nice night. you pick the place because you are paying and that allows you something that will fit comfortably into your minimum wage budget. it is NOT EVER considered etiquette to be paid back for a date. where the hell did you get such a stupid idea. and since you don't seem to know the definition of such a big word, let me help you out--etiquette is good manners or common courtesy. proper etiquette in this situation-a first date-would be to say "thanks" and "i had a great time" even though going out with you was probably akin to chinese water torture. it sucked but she says it was great anyway out of courtesty, decency, or ETIQUETTE. you expect a girl to pay you back then stop expecting to date and just hang out with friends and everyone pays for themselves. what an idiot pig you are. oh my god.
2007-09-01 04:47:09 · answer #4 · answered by phlygirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you pay for a date you pay for it and that's that. It would be rude to ask her for the money. If you couldn't afford to take her out on a date then stay home and rent a movie. Your the who is being rude and having bad etiquette. not her. It's pretty common sense that your girlfriend wouldn't pay you back. no offense but are u stupid????
Hope this helps you realize that she doesn't have to pay you back!!!!:)
2007-09-01 07:05:05 · answer #5 · answered by Synchro Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a real man always pays for the meal it is etiquette to expect the money back or anything else in return for the dinner - i hope she drops you before she gets over her head. If you can not afford to take her out then you should be honest with her and let her know. You two can work something out.
2007-09-01 04:43:56 · answer #6 · answered by Dreamy S 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious? What kind of man takes a woman out for a first date and expects to be paid back? YOU are the one that asked HER out on a date, right? Get over it. If you can't afford to date - don't!
2007-09-01 05:25:33 · answer #7 · answered by bsmmn5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you invite someone somewhere, whether they be man, woman or child, YOU are responsible for paying for the outing, unless you make a prior arrangement.
It is the height of poor manners and thoughtlessness to invite someone to eat with you, and only afterwards tell them they are expected to pay for their meal!
For many people, this may be a financial imposition, and of course if they have to pay for their own meal they may choose to stay home or go elsewhere to eat!
The benefit of issuing an invitation is that you get to set the place, time and agenda of the meal ... the downside is the cost.
You say this girl is your girlfriend? She has a long, hard row to hoe, I suspect.
2007-09-01 04:46:07 · answer #8 · answered by thing55000 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You offered to pay. You never metioned anything about her paying you back. So she would assume that she didn't need to, and she should assume that. And no, she is not a gold digger just because you expect her to know something you didn't even tell her.
You offered, so you should just get over it. And it is not common etiquette for her to pay you back. Maybe on later dates she could pay, and that would be "paying you back". But it is lame for you to expect her to pay you back exactly what you paid for that day.
2007-09-01 04:43:32 · answer #9 · answered by flip4life 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You need to learn what a date is? If you offered to pay, then she has no reason to pay you back. IF you never said anything about paying her paying you back, then how is she supposed to know. Is she supposed to pay back the whole meal, or just her portion?
You can ask for the money back, but you will never see her again? She will drop you like a hot potato, and I don't blame her one bit.
I think YOU need to seriously learn what "etiquette" means!
2007-09-01 04:43:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding me, be a man and deal with it. Pay you back lmao.......It is proper to pay on the first, its almost mandatory. Lastly, If you expect anything and make it a huge issue, without question, it will be the demise of what could have been something great and she will be very turned off at you, possibly never to see you again.
2007-09-01 04:48:18 · answer #11 · answered by Guido32 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋