So, I'm not complaining. I know it's just habit/custom for people to say that, and there are plenty of situations where I respond to things with "I"m sorry." too.
But my mom died not too long ago, and that seems to be the one thing people say that absolutely drives me insane...along with "Are you okay?" but that's another story.
I just never know how I'm supposed to respond.
I usually just say "Thank you" and give an awkward half smile or "Thanks, I appreciate it."
But is that an inappropriate response?
I know a lot of people respond with "It's okay"...but that would be lying, and I don't really feel like that's an appropriate way for me to respond to such a thing either.
And it just seems to get so old. I've heard that phrase more times in the past 2 months than I have in the 18 years I've been on this earth. I mean how else do you respond to that?
2007-08-31 20:15:42 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Thank you all. And to Rusty-Did I not say I wasn't complaining?!...I was just concerned that my response was wrong and there was something more I could say to them. Cause it's always pretty awkward to just be like "Thank you."
2007-09-05 15:59:56 · update #1
I think saying thank you is absoloutley fine. If you feel comfortable with that person, don't be afraid to say what's on your mind like "thank you, it's been very hard on me" type thing. Just keep in mind that people generally don't know what to say or how to react around people who are grieving. They are only trying to help and are doing it the best they can. I guess it's better than if they said nothing at all.
2007-08-31 20:23:09 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa 6 · 10⤊ 0⤋
You could say something like "This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. You could add that the old saying that goes "You don't know what you got till it's gone." is very true. It's not a sin to show your emotions. Hey, they asked-right? You gave them an honest answer. Nothing wrong with that. I have found that just talking to a person helps. If the person just sits and listens to you, comments just a little, is a big help. It helps you get things off your chest It kind of upset me when someone would say something like "I'm there for you." but offer little or no real help.
2007-08-31 20:31:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a hard one. People ask you how you are doing simply because it is easier that letting on how little they care.
I think they say it because they don't know what to say and they feel obligated to say something. I lost a childhood friend of 38 years, 2 months ago and people are still telling me how sorry they are. Sorry for what? They didn't know her if they did they would not have been able to go out into public for a month for fear of breaking down crying at an entirely inappropriate time, does that make them sorry?
The same thing happened when my mom died, after awhile I wanted to grab them around the throat and strangle them and then say.."I'm sorry" or knock their teeth out and say "I am sorry about your loss". Just so they could see, it really doesn't help, nor does it bring back the loss.
If I had an answer for you I would give it to you, I have searched for an answer myself. I think it goes to the fact they feel they have to say something, but they simply have no idea what to say.
When they loose someone they love, they will understand how meaningless it all is.
2007-08-31 21:55:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are very lucky that people are actually speaking to you at all!
After the death of my father - I actually witnessed people crossing over the road so that they didn't have to broach the subject with me. There is a lot of embarrasment around the subject - and especially here in England - the showing of emotions is just not done!
However - when people did come up to me and say 'sorry for your loss' - I would reply 'thank you - you are very kind'.
It put them at ease and it did not need further explanation of my inner feelings.
I think that - even at the time when you are in greatest pain - you still have to put others feelings into the frame- it takes a lot to approach someone when you really do not know how they are going to react.
And by the way - and no need to reply!
Sorry for your loss.
It does get better.
2007-08-31 20:44:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
You simply say "Thank You". if you are comfortable with the person you might say something about your Mom. You could say,,, I always knew I'd look back at the tears & laugh, but I never I never knew that I'd look back at the laughs and cry... If you are not comfortable in sharing with the person a simple "Thank You" is enough. I know you are tired of hearing the same phrase over and over again,. And you are probably thinking to yourself that they are not being sincere but that they don't know what to say or do, All of that is normal thinking. I also know it sucks. For lack of a better term. You lost your Mom and now everyone is acting weird around you and saying the same thing over and over again, and all you really want is for things to go back to the way they were or at least for everybody to stop saying it. They will believe it or not. Just hang in there and do what you feel is right in your response. Don't worry about hurting their feelings or being polite. Worry about yourself for the time being. Good luck to you.
2007-09-06 22:11:01 · answer #5 · answered by D and G Gifts Etc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having lost almost my entire family, I can empathize with you. Saying thank you is probably the best response. When they ask if you're okay, it would be all right to say, "I'm working on it". or something equally inane. It's a hard question and I can imagine you wish people would just give you a hug or a look of compassion. I guess if they ask if there's something they can do for you, you can say a hug or compassion.
2007-09-07 09:04:20 · answer #6 · answered by phlada64 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wel, the reason they say those things is because, they don't really know what to say either. They know that you are in pain and they don't want to hurt you. And if someone ask, "are you OK?" it's alright to say that you are not. They know that you' re going through a hard time and they'll understand. Just tell them that you don't have to think of anything perfect to say, just be there for me.
2007-09-08 06:21:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think these questions drive you insane because you feel put upon to respond and don't know how. They're both commonly used ways that people try to express the unexpressable pain they know you must feel. Look at it this way, at least they cared enough to say something at all.
To the statement "I'm sorry for your loss."
"Thank you so much for your concern. I miss her very much."
To the question "Are you ok?":
"I think so. I'm hurting but I'm taking it one day at a time and getting through."
2007-09-08 16:42:58 · answer #8 · answered by autumlovr 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It is ackward and annoying I know! However, the polite thing to do is to say thank you. I've also been on the other end of the stick going "do I say something, ahhhh....." just say thank-you and leave out the smile.
When the question of "are you okay" or "how are you holding up" or something similar is said, I just started to say "every day is better than the one before, thank-you."
The worse I find are people who want to nurture the hurt, almost like they want to hear ALL about how hard it has been!
Eventually they stop. For me, I only started to come to terms with my loss when people stopped saying these things to me.
Good Luck!
2007-08-31 20:54:28 · answer #9 · answered by Noota Oolah 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People say "I'm sorry for your loss." for two reasons. 1/ because they are. 2/ because they don't know what to say that would be comforting. Generally, these people feel just as awkward as you do, and are trying to say something, but there really isn't anything that they could say that would help. Just say thank you, and remember that they are trying to help.
2007-09-01 15:11:36 · answer #10 · answered by missbeans 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋