what should I do I feel like a fool I can't take it anymore but I really really love him w/o any doubt?

Question

I been with this guy 4 10 months now .weve broke up twice.We argue alot now. but then a couple days ltr he always come back with a line which would seem true if he wasn't such a liersometimes i feel hes all about talk.So, I tell myself maybe I should move on, but when I actually picture it, or even bring it up all of a sudden I feel like I'm going to die if he leaves me, so I relent. I feel like I can't live without him.But inevitabaly, a problem comes up again and I start the same cycle. Hesaid and done these things b4 . He lies constantly and denies that he lies even when i hold or is aware of the truth.He has cheated on me b4BUT ITS LIKE HE TAKES ADVANTAGE OF ME.I MEAN I STAND UP 4 MYSELF LAY DOWN THE RULES TELLS HIM HOW I FEEL HE SEEMS TO ONLY CARE 4 THE MOMENT. AS IF HE DOESN'T HOLD FEELINGS. I TRY 2 GETHIM 2 TALK. Now i feel like he holds no interest for me and im to the point where I think I should/could let it go i feel its time but still i don't want2breakup..watshould ido?

Answer 1

well their is love and lust you just need to determine between the two.

Answer 2

You answered your own question. You know the RIGHT thing to do but it seems like you need a push...to get away from him.
Wow...I completely sympathize with you. I am dealing with the same situation. It is so tough because you know you don't want to say goodbye when you've invested so much time and energy into him...im sorry.
What I gather is that he doesn't care about you. Your the 'fall back' girlfriend and he knows that you will always come back. He knows that he can do whatever he wants and tell you whatever you want to hear because you wont say goodbye.
Quit being so dependent on him. Are you even happy with the fighting that is going on...I don't think you are..I mean you wouldn't be writing this if you were, right? So pack up and let it go.
No matter how bad you want this to work, it never will. There are issues that will always be brought up and it will turn into a repetitive cycle of argument. Do you constantly want to be upset all the time? I dont think you do.
Get your girl power together and ditch this ******. He is not worth it anymore!

Answer 3

First ask yourself what is it you really have. Then decide what it is you really want. Then comes the hardest part, you must take action. Nothing changes if nothing is done. I am not just flipping out words here. I have been seven years going with the on again off again relationship rollercoaster. Had reached the point of feeling like I was dying from the inside out. I also thought I couldn't let go. Had tried many times and failed. It's like trying to kick a drug habit, hard as hell and lots of wwork but needed for ones happiness and survival. I am now away from the unhealthy relationship and doing really good. My three kids and I are starting to laugh and be happy again, we are living, not just existing. It's a wonderful feeling, you should give it a try.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry about your situation but I have a few things to tell you that you must hear...

This guy does not love you. Love is not about lying and cheating. It's not about being unfaithful to another person either, and it seems to me that this guy is doing just that.

You need to respect yourself and move on from this jerk. If you have confidence ((which i know you do)) you will realize that you can do much better than this, and that you deserve a guy who treats you right. Think about all the things you want in a relationship... respect, honor, truth, loyalty... is it there? I don't think so....

I know its so hard but do this for yourself. I know, and I know you know, that you will be better off without him. Find the strength in yourself to stand up for your morals and who you are. Don't let anyone walk over you, because sooner or later he'll think it's okay if he does this to you ((if he doesn't already think that)).

You also mentioned that he's messing with your confidence. Love is about having confidence in yourself, the other person, and in your relationship as a whole. It seems to me like this is doing the opposite. Sooner or later he'll belittle you down to nothing, and you'll be left asking yourself why you stayed in this horrible relationship so long. Do it for yourself and get out.

Answer 5

Breaking up isn't always the easiest thing to do, especially if you love the person a lot. To me, lying is a big no-no. Especially if they deny it. Personally with the lying, the denying, the cheating -- I would have been out of that relationship when I found out he cheated. There will always be fighting in a relationship. It's unavoidable. There will be arguments, maybe not a lot, or maybe a lot, but there will be some.

Think about it. Think what's best for you & your well being. If you decide to break up, you will find someone that's worth everythng that you go through in a relationship.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Drop him. When you two have a fight, he tells you what you want to hear and you sucker for it every time. Then inevitably he goes back to his usual ways and you get mad - then he placates you and it starts all over again. This is foolish nonsense. You can, and will, go round and round like this for years getting nowhere. Grow a backbone. When you break up, BREAK UP! Do NOT take his calls, let your answering machine screen all calls, do not answer the door if it's him and do not open any letters or email or it will start all over again.

This isn't love for either of you. Someone who loves someone else doesn't hurt, lie, and cheat them. And it's not love for you either; this is neediness. (Remember, it's not a choice if you can't say no.) Some silly persons LIKE this kind of thing. It adds stimulus to their otherwise drab lives. If you are one of those, just keep on doing what you've been doing. One day you'll realize your young years are gone and you'll wonder what happened.

You will never have better until you expect it for yourself and refuse to take crap.

Answer 7

Oh my it sounds like the same crap I went through. It sucks doesn't it. He tells you I am gonna change or I am not going to do that anymore. Yet days or weeks later back to the same thing. Try to go out with friends thats how I been getting disctracted so I won't feel bad. Just picture all the bad things he did to you. When he made you cry. Picture that then everytime you think about going back with him picture the pain he causes you. The cheating think about what if he gets an std and he passes it to you.

Answer 8

I think you know the answer to this question, but you're hoping that someone will tell you that it's okay to stay with him. It's not okay; he's treating you terribly. If you can accept his behavior and keep taking him back, then you need to ask yourself a deeper question -- WHY AM I DOING THIS???

No one deserves to be treated the way he is treating you and you are just letting him treat you like garbage. I'm sure you are not garbage and am sure that you can find someone better. It might not seem like it, but hopefully you will realize this.

Good luck.

Answer 9

it sounds like you already know full well what you should do but are just hoping for an easy way out. the sooner you get out of this relationship, the sooner you can heal and move on. breaking up with him will be hard, painful, and miserable, but you will find a man you cherishes you, respects you, and makes you feel amazing. i'm still looking for that man myself, but i know he's out there. no matter how attached you are to this guy, he isn't the one you want to be with :)

Answer 10

you already know what you have to do, you just want everyone to convince you that this guy is not good for you. I know how hard it is to end a relationship. I have the same problem you do except I have been with my boyfriend 13 years. We both need to find the strength to move on. good luck to you.

Answer 11

You do not love him. Trust me. I will explain...
Actually, I should say "You do not need him"

I want you to write two lists about him. The first list is all of his best qualities whether they are superficial or important.

The second list is all of his negative qualities whether they are superficial or serious.

Your positive list might include things such as: He is humorous. He is affectionate. He is charming. He is tall. ...

Your negative list would include things like: He has history of being unfaithful, he lies to you, he constantly argues with you, he takes advantage of you. ...

Write your list with open eyes and an open mind. Once you have written both lists, use each of his positive and negative qualities in the following sentence: MY IDEAL MAN IS A MAN WHO:

Your positive list might look like this:
MY IDEAL MAN IS A MAN WHO is humorous and makes me laugh.
MY IDEAL MAN IS A MAN WHO is affectionate.
MY IDEAL MAN IS A MAN WHO is tall.
MY IDEAL MAN IS A MAN WHO who is charming.

Your negative list might look like this:
MY IDEAL MAN IS A MAN WHO Lies to me.
MY IDEAL MAN IS A MAN WHO Constantly arues with me.
MY IDEAL MAN IS A MAN WHO Cheats on me.
MY IDEAL MAN IS A MAN WHO Takes advantage of me. ...

When you look at your positive list, you will see many things you want in your ideal man. When you look at your negative list, you will need to determine what qualities can be corrected with open, carring conversation and what qualities you will not tolerate. Can you tolerate a cheater? Can you tolerate a liat? Can you tolerate and man who takes advantage of you? Can you tolerate a man who constantly argues with you? Is he really your ideal man? Do you really love him or do you love him only when he is on good behavior?

If I were you, I would either leave him or put him on notice. You can have an open, honest talk with him and share your lists with him, letting him know what you want to work on and what you will not tolerate and see if he is committed to you and the relationship or you can decide (since you know him better than we do) to end the relationship, grieve a little, and search for a better man who might just be your ideal man.

I wish you all the best!