My brother in law has been staying with me and my husband for the past month and he's really bugging me. He works but he doesn't give us any money for putting him up. I understand he doesn't make much working at the grocery store he works at but he should still give us something. He also takes one of our cars with out my permission and eats the grocery I buy and leaves the living room a mess and doesn't clean up the guest room he's using. I tried to talk to my husband about it but all he says is that it's his little brother and I shouldn't be so hard on him. Once I got into an argument with my brother in law and my husband actually took his side! I'm so sick of this and I'm at my wits end what should I do?
2007-08-31 19:32:44 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Tell your husband either his brother straightens up and starts chipping in on bills and such or you will walk. I bet he takes your side.
2007-08-31 19:37:38 · answer #1 · answered by Redcarn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister-in-law, brother, & their 3 kids had moved in with me
& my dad. She has things rearranged, put things away, allows the kids to leave their toys & stuff laying around, the
kitchen is always a mess, the kids are 4 & 8 years of age &
sas or talk back, the family never waits for me to arrive home
from work before supper is made or ate so I always miss out
on that, supper is never offered to me, the house in general is
a constant mess, & if I say any thing at all then I am the "bad
guy" sort of speaking. I guess in your case, you're just gonna
have to put your foot down & lay out some guidelines for not
only your brother-in-law but your husband as well. Don't do that with hate, but do it with love! As for me, I don't know what
to do either. I'm "stuck between a rock & a hard place"!
2007-08-31 20:00:27 · answer #2 · answered by bigrig 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, know you ARE right..the bum should pay his own way in life. However, if your husband is so protective of his "little" brother then he should love him enough to help him grow up. You should say this in a very, very nice way and when your brother-in-law is out of earshot of your conversation. Also, tell him you will be willing to help whenever and wherever you can so someday a woman will find the bum marriageable like you did about your husband. Doesn't he want his brother to live a long, prosperous, happy life with a worthy companion?
2007-08-31 19:50:06 · answer #3 · answered by Da B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick to your guns honey. Helping out your brother in law is one thing, but once it hits a month, you have gone beyond helping out to being a doormat he can walk all over.
You are under no obligation to take care of this freeloader. With your husband, make up a "house rules" chart. Explain to BIL that the rules apply to everyone and he must pitch in. Make sure hubby understands that you have hit your limit and although you'd love to keep helping family, there are rules all adults must live by and you expect nothing less when it comes to BIL or even your own brother.
Unfortunately, you can't change hubby's mind on your own. If he sticks to his own guns, you may have to resort to an ultimatum, but only do so if you're ready to follow the consequences.
2007-08-31 19:41:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell hunny to take his brother to a hotel and he can stay with him.:) Sorry not helpful......Actually when your man is gone tell your house guest to pickup after himself you are not his maid......tell your man that his brother is his responsibility and he needs to clean up after him and DON'T YOU DO IT..Leave his mess right where he left it. If your mother lives nearby or a good friend, when the in law is home.... leave. Buy only enough food for your daily meal.leave the cupboards empty..eventually he will get the idea.......as will your hubby.
2007-08-31 19:45:45 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, since it is your husbands brother, he really should be the one dealing with him. It may cause bad feeling within the family if you get involved, even though it's your home too. I think you need to start first with your own husband!!! I hope he's not trying to pull no big man-head of the house crap! Or he can cook, clean, and be a big man! But than too, why lower yourself, and head for a divorce??
2007-08-31 19:42:54 · answer #6 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband really needs to get his priorities straight.
Tell him to set a move-out date for his brother -- and enforce it -- or you will move out. We're talking one month, max.
Actually, I would go home to mama's (or a friend's) and stay there until hubby deals with the mess. That also gets one car out of the brother's hands and keeps you from cleaning up his messes. At somepoint he will miss having his wife sleeping beside him and come to his senses.
In the meantime, you keep your car keys away from him, even if it means keeping the ignition key in your pocket until time for bed.
2007-08-31 19:45:09 · answer #7 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband that if he doesn't get his little brother out soon, you may be forced to leave instead.
Giving ultimatums don't usually work but I don't see you have much choice as your husband has already taken his side against you once.
2007-08-31 19:38:02 · answer #8 · answered by Clueless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait he took your brother in laws side? there's something wrong with your husband and your relationship.
it seems that he doesn't care much about you. well atleast not more than his brother. you should talk to him about this situation with a firm voice. so he knows that you mean business.
if he still takes the side of his brother, maybe you should rethink about your marriage to him.
2007-08-31 19:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by Coolitz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your husband would be happy alone? It's your house and you deserve to be happy and not cleaning up after his brother. No matter how much he makes he needs to help out. Plain and simple.
2007-08-31 19:38:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋