Haven't mastered that one yet. Just don't get married until you do, that's my advice.
2007-08-31 16:49:32
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answer #1
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answered by thinkaspell 4
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Well, it depends on how long has it been bad? If it has been too long then it may be tough if not possible. It will have to take two to communicate. Two to want to fix a problem. If you are doing all the hard work in the relationship, it's never going to work. Be honest with your partner and admit that the communication has been pretty crappy. Ask if he agree with it. Find out if he wants to work on it with you or not. You can't do it alone. Think about what the problem is regarding communication and discuss how both of you can improve. Try avoiding saying "You did this, you did that" That's like pointing the finger on your partner without taking any responsibility also it's just a way to get your partner to shut down. Instead, say "I feel that.." or "I think that.." Both have to take responsibiltiy. It takes work. Honesty. Trust. Total openness.
Good luck
2007-08-31 16:59:31
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answer #2
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answered by Pwincess 4
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Read books - alone or together if possible.
Deborah Tannen books are great - like That's Not What I Meant!
Love & Respect by Dr. Eggrichs
Anything by the Smalley's
Anything by John Gottmann
Many people like Les and Leslie Parrott
I have read a lot of books but my mate is still very mean. The tips they give you in books work on most people but not someone that is controlling at their core.
Try a customized relationship assessment like the one eHarmony has for couples. I liked it but my mate went through the questions then refused to do anything after that so I cancelled it. But I liked the parts I did.
http://www.equalityinmarriage.org/dmtalk.html
Communicating effectively takes practice and a great deal of effort. Without communication, it is nearly impossible to resolve conflicts or grow your partnership. Whether you are in a troubled marriage, simply seeing the value of a "tune-up", or seeking marriage help, here are some useful tips for communicating effectively within a marriage.
Realize that no one "wins" an argument. If you don't leave a discussion with a possible solution to the problem, then neither party has been successful.
Compromise is an essential tool to solving problems through communication. Before bringing up a problem, make sure you have thought of ways that you can help solve it by mutual compromise.
Try to be positive when bringing up sensitive marital problems. Instead of jumping right into a discussion, open by acknowledging that every partnership could be improved and you'd like to take some time and discuss the things that are working in your relationship and the areas that could use improvement. It helps to start by talking about positive things and then moving into the deeper discussion on problem areas.
Be a "reflective" listener and make sure you understand what your partner has said. "What I hear you saying is..." is a great way to make sure the proper message has been received.
Feel free to use the "time out" card if the discussion gets too intense. If an argument gets heated and irrational, it is better to postpone the discussion to a time and place where effective communication can happen.
Make sure your body language, facial expressions and vocal tone are in line with your message. One study showed that 55% of the emotional meaning of what you say is expressed by your facial expression. While only 7% of the emotional meaning is verbal.
Be honest, direct and focus on the real issue. If you enter a conversation insecure about making your point -- you probably won't make it.
If you can't come up with a definitive solution, at least try to end the conversation on a positive note like "I think it's good we've both shared our feelings and we'll continue to talk about it and try to come up with a better solution."
Don't ever be rude or talk down to your partner in a discussion about your relationship. Don't dismiss an idea or thought as absurd, but instead listen to your partner's point and then react with the reasons you disagree in a respectful manner.
Stay on track. If you sit down to talk about a financial problem and suddenly other emotional issues are coming up, realize that you may need to focus on one area at a time in order to create solutions instead of mere bickering.
Recognize when you need outside help to communicate effectively. A counselor or marriage retreat may help solve what seems to be an impossible communication problem.
2007-08-31 16:54:32
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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One of the biggest problems with relationship communication is that people don't think that their issues are being heard and that they get defensive when their partner has an issue. One of the ways to solve this is the spoon method. The one with the spoon is the speaker and can state only one issue. The one with out the spoon then repeats what he/she heard. If the one without the spoon agrees that the one without the spoon heard right then the one without the spoon gets to respond to the issue. If they didn't hear right then the one with the spoon restates more clearly the issue. Once that issue is resolved then the other person gets the spoon and it is their turn to state an issue. These discussions have to be unheated. If someone is getting too intense then the session ends and it is rescheduled for a different time. It will get easier to discuss things with your partner when the both of you know that you are being heard, understood, and not personally attacked.
2007-08-31 16:55:48
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answer #4
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answered by firemouse23 5
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Ahhhhhhhh gosh this is a hard one.
Well let me try, how bout sitting down and talking??
I know it is not always as simple as that, but try talking to your spouse, not at him or her.
If ya talk about just everything, then talking when something is going on in the relationship is much easier.
Go away for the weekend or longer, just the 2 of you.
I find that when me and my hubby get away, we tend to talk and talk and talk, especially while we are driving.
It really feels very good to get things out in the open and usually while your enroute to a vacation your in a good mood so the conversation is easier to take and receive!
Good Luck
2007-08-31 16:55:16
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answer #5
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answered by kitty 6
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Most times, actions speak louder than words, so show this person some extra TLC; maybe you can use your creativity to wow them. Write a poem; tell a silly joke that only the two of you know; draw a sketch of something they would appreciate; or take them on a picnic and treat them to their favorite foods. My mom always said that "the way to the heart, is through the stomach." If you can't use your creativity, maybe you can get them alone and tell them how you feel about them. A kiss on the forehead does wonders!
2007-08-31 16:56:09
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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Unless two people r willing to talk openly, and listen to what the other is saying there is no remedy. One must be willing to try to see the other person`s point of view and not turn a deaf ear or refuse to compromise on their opinion. In refusing to do so, the relationship has a poor chance of survival. It`s hard to change someone`s personality traits unless they r willing to do so.
2007-08-31 17:16:49
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answer #7
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answered by flamingo 6
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Breath mints?
Maybe a personality conflict lies at the core of the relationship. Try jumping over that hurdle first. If it looks like it cannot change, then communication issues are the least of the problem.
2007-08-31 16:52:06
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answer #8
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answered by Yulik MahBaht 4
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Try to be moral vocally expressive. Build more communication possibilities, like enjoy doing a recreation together so that the communication will go freely and more relaxed...
2007-08-31 16:56:01
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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First comprehend the end may be near.
Try spending much less time together until you have something to talk about.
Try spending so much time stuck together (long trip, whatever) that you have to learn to communicate.
Think if you ever really had good communication.
2007-08-31 16:52:39
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own? Learn here https://tr.im/9Sium
It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.
2016-02-10 18:21:10
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answer #11
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answered by Kellye 3
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