My boyfriend doesnt wan to to go to counceling?

Question

I recently posted " I feel trapped" It was recommended that my boyfriend and I should seek counceling. Thinking it was a great idea, I brought it up to him. He doestnt want to. He says "we dont need it" I asked if he wants our relationship to end and he said no. He says well do it when it gets to that point. I told him im not happy and he was shocked..like I havent told him 50 times or anything. I want to make it work with us. We have a daughter and she deserves both parents. Not if we arent happy though right? I dont want her to watch us arguing all the time and seeing her mom misarble. Thats not fair. What else can I possibly say to get it through is head that this is what we may need to save our relationship?

Also, his parents have been married for 28 years without counceling so maybe he feels if they didnt need it, we dont? How can I make him understand that we are not them..And believe me, I have tried many times

Answer 1

You can't MAKE HIM understand it. In fact, you can't MAKE anybody do anything if he/she doesn't want to.

Here's what you do:

Tell him one more time that you are not happy. Ask him one more time to go to counselling with you. Tell him, as far as you are concerned, you are "at that point." If he says no, then tell him you are going with or without him, then actually do it.

If he doesn't want to work with you to better the relationship, then you need to be doubly smart and educated on how to deal with this situation. Couple's counselling often involves individual sessions as well as "both of you" sessions, anyway. You'll just be learning a lot more about yourself. (which is VERY important)

Then and only then, you will see the situation clearly and you will be better able to deal with this problem. Hopefully, you will have much clear understanding of yourself and your relationship to him by the time you are through with your sessions.

Answer 2

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm sure you thought you had the answer and he shot it down.
You are right. You need to let him think this is more about you and YOU being a better partner and mother. His parents grew up in a different time and don't have the same concerns the two of you have. Their situation doesn't apply to yours.
What about finding some couples "classes" to go to? You could tell him you want to strengthen your relationship. It would also be a good (short) time away from the responsibility of parenting and time to focus on the couple, not just the family. Lot of churches have this sort of thing for free. It would give him time to see how others interact.
At the very least, if I were you, I'd go get a book on fighting and how to do it better and read it for myself. You can even check one out in the library if you don't have the cash to buy one (or many).
Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 3

you cant make him understand anything. he is an adult.

what you can do, is go to counseling on your own, try not to tell him about the first session. most companies have a referral counseling place where you can go and they send you to a shrink, or psychologist or a therapist, whatever is best. if not, try your local city or state.

you can pick your own Dr. later, right now you just need a first consultation.

at your first meeting with the Dr. or therapist, they will advise whether to try to include your man, or just go without him.

most problems are not caused by only one, they are caused by both. they can at least get you to understand what you are doing wrong, and how to deal with a man that wont help. they might be able to talk him into attending.

if he was drowning and refused to grab the rope you threw him, what would you do? jump in and die with him ? you cant help him, but you can help yourself and hope he will follow.

Answer 4

I mean this in the most positive way. It sounds like YOU might need counseling. You don't like how your mother was, yet you argue much like her. Stop arguing with your boyfriend. Instead, compliment him everyday, hug him, kiss him, love him every minute of the day. You know he loves you because of everything he does. Show him and do NOT argue. If you do not argue then he can not argue. It may take a lot to bite your tongue, but it is worth your family's peace. Then get some counseling for yourself to recover from your unhappy childhood. You should notice a difference within a week or so.

Answer 5

After seven years of an on again off again relationship.... I was in your shoes and in his shoes.
He first suggested it and I was just like your BF did not think I needed it or we needed it.
After getting back together and things starting to go down hill again, I went for his benefit and feeling forced to go and I did find some of it useful but then we faded out and stopped going. To only split again and me wanting to go more than anything finding myself making appointments for us and to have him joining only once.
I guess what I am trying to express is you can not force someone to go. This is just from my experience but I feel for it to work and be successful both people need to be on the same page in going. Try giving him his time and space and honestly you should start going for yourself and always leave the invite to join down the road. I found myself going alone and learning a lot.

Answer 6

If he isn't willing to do whatever it takes to help you make it work then you might as well give up now. In a relationship the only way to fix things and to make things work after they have become messed up is if both people want to and do work on it with one another. Sounds like he doesn't really want to work on it. So everything falls on you and no matter how hard you try to, you cannot fix the problems alone.
-NmD!

Answer 7

If he wont consider counseling then you should consider dumping him.