questions about first born children?

Question

why does the 1st born child get blamed for EVERYTHING
why is 2nd born child always the most loved (or it seems)?
why is the 1st born most likely to be a strong leader and stubborn?
why do parents always go harder on the 1st born?

i don't really have time for that so if someone could just explain a little or just give thoughts ideas idk or if your a first born give your age and if you agree and stuff thanks for the answer though!

ya the 2nd born always has WAYY more priveledges even though they aren't earned and get away with SO SO SO SO SO much more

at least in y family i have one little brother and he has ODD/ADHD
its awful my parents think its an excuse yah dee dah dee dah its soo annoying i get busted for anything they don't even realize how good of a kid i am ha i never do anything to disapoint them im scared to

Answer 1

I guess the best way to explain this is tell you what my mother told me - "The first born is the experimental child", The parents are very new and don't know what to expect - so the first one is the one that they learn on. I guess it is like having a first car and having an accident - you learn from your mistakes.
Parents don't always mean to be so hard on the first one - they are just learning. I hope that this makes sense and will help you to understand better.
I am 51 and I agree with you. I am a first born.

Answer 2

When the first child is born, the parents have never been through having and raising a child so they are very aware of what they are doing with the child. As the child grows, they get comfortable with that part of the job so it's easier with the second one.

The first born most likely is a strong leader - maybe not stubborn - because the people they look to are adults since there was no other child before them. The second child looks up to the child before them.

If there is a number of years between children (such as 5 yrs or so), the second child could be considered the same as a first child - looking up to someone "much older". There is less competition when the ages are separated.

When the ages are close together, there is more competitiveness. If the first child is good at one thing (like really smart), the second child - when their ages are close - will try to find their niche which might be art or sports.

The third child, if they are close together, because they can't compete against the other two children, could become the clown or jokster - the one who makes everyone laugh.

The book the other person recommended really explains it better. I think it's called The Birth Order book.

My sister was the oldest - smartest - kind of snobby and acted very adult as a child. But when she developed diabetes at 12, our rolls reversed (I was the middle child). She needed more attention and I became the caretaker. My brother - the youngest - did sports because I chose music.

With my oldest grandchild, he was blamed for the actions of his younger brother - I believe because his parents didn't expect him to go down to the age level of his younger brother (4 yrs younger) to settle a dispute and when he did, he was blamed. Plus there were other things going on in their home. I don't think he got a fair deal but that's just how it goes.

The second born isn't always the most loved. If the parents haven't learned yet that each child may have different needs and that buying something for one means you buy something for the other so they feel loved the same - doesn't always work - that second child might just want their parents undivided attention and not something purchased at all. Hopefully as everyone ages, they learn what is important. The parents can't go back and change anything that has happened, they can only go forward and try to make the future better.

Answer 3

I am a second born myself and to make more enjoyable for me, I am the only daughter and i have to admit that you are right about this one, second born always get away with everything and never get blamed for anything. But if that can help, let me tell you something, first born are the most loved in a family, and they are always made out of real and pure love but the thing is when parents start to have more children, they focus more on news ones but it doesn't mean that they stop loving the first one not at all. They are expecting so much out of the first borns, because they want the best for them more than any other of their children. A first child has to be perfect someone that can be proud of that is why they don't leave you alone for a minute.

Answer 4

The first born is more likely to be a leader-type or seem stubborn, because they are often alone the first few years of their life, without other siblings to rely on. So they learn self-reliance fast and perhaps, can seem stubborn, because they are used to having to find answers on their own. As for the second born being the most loved, I'd disagree. It's rather the first born that carries the most sentimentality with most parents, as that's their first experience with having a child, usually. The second child might take precedence, maybe, for a wider variety of reasons. Say, if the first child was a girl, when a boy was what was hoped for, and then, lo and behold, the second child is that long awaited boy. There might be some special significance to that for some people, especially in cultures where a boy is revered over a girl. But, all in all, I'd say parents who are gifted with intelligence, will love and treat all of their children equally. However, the first born can be loaded with extra expectations, as they are usually the first called on, to take care of any other siblings that are born after them. They are expected to lead the other children and are looked up to for advice by the younger ones. So yes, the first born seems to be tagged for leadership and responsibility from day one. Parents who think clearly and use their smarts, will be careful not to overly blame the first born. So, hopefully all involved in any family dynamic, will act with fairness and understanding to all concerned.

Answer 5

The first born is the one who ends up being the practice after that parents have a better idea as to what fights are worth it and which ones are not. Just remember taht they always want to be the perfect parent so that would equal having the perfect kid but then they realize that it not realistic so #2 gets more freedom. They really do know if you are a good kid or not not its time to make sure you stay that way.

Answer 6

Its a whole role model issue. 1st born is blamed for everything because the 2ND child is blaming the older one. The 2ND child is spoiled because after the 1st born, the parents gets tired and realized oh wait a min.. 1st born is more likely to be a leader cause they were there first, and stubborn cause they like having everything their way.. parents go harder on the first born so that they pass on to the 2nd child... Try being the middle child... we're blamed for everything.... from the older and younger child. course the middle child is more open and understand and great at being the mediator

Answer 7

I don't believe that 4 a min. I'm a second born and i am the one that got blamed 4 everything. No one ever listened to me or my ideas but if the same idea came from my older brother they paid attention.I don't think my parents loved us any differently. I'm all grown up now but i do think about those times when i felt left out and blamed.

Answer 8

That's just how it is. I am the 1st born and so is my husband. We both went through it. To this day he can do no right and his (now recovering) junkie little brother can do no wrong. Our parents don't really see it, though my mother did admit to favoring my little sister. I guess it just comes down to the 1st child being the one you make all the mistakes with. Hopefully being first children ourselves, we will treat our daughter better than we were treated.

Answer 9

I'm the first born...I didn't feel like I was blamed for everything or loved any less than my younger sister :)

The only "injustice" in my eyes when I was young was that my sister was always allowed to do "fun things" at a younger age (like go for a bike ride without my parents) because I was there to supervise her :)

Answer 10

They're the newest, the oldest, so there's no basis for comparison. If there's nothing to compare your child to, you expect the best. If your the second or third, the parent has already been through that phase, and they have some idea of what to expect.