MUSLIMS: Is having an ego and expecting too much from others our biggest problems?

Question

Whether it's personal life or masjid politics, it seems that having an ego and over expectation from others end up hurting us the most. What can we do to curb this tendency? How can we make room for our brothers and sisters so that we would think less of ourselves and more for our higher cause?

Answer 1

Thinking less of yourself requires accepting that you may be wrong.

Answer 2

Humility is an important virtue. It is true that most of us, at least the ones that are at the forefront of our masjids, have huge egos. I think the world will be a better place if every one showed a little humility, not just the Muslims.

Answer 3

Yes this is one of the biggest problems,if not the biggest, problems.
No Muslim should have and ego. It is against the basics of Islam, and to expect too much from others amounts to a sort of idolatry...for then one forgets the God.
We must cultivate humbleness,respect for others,including respect for other faiths and submit before the will of God.

Answer 4

If a person seeks out the faults within themselves, and discards them, then and only then will they see no faults within others.
This is when a human being reaches the state of "Unity', and regards all lives as equal to there own.

footnote*- If a Muslim wants to rid the false self of the "Ego" and wants humility, modesty, and compassion in there life, then a human being needs to practice Zikr (Remembrance), Fhikr (Meditation), regularly. This will bring peace into a persons life!

Answer 5

Within any faith, you will find people who think their religious beliefs are super to all others. I have seen this egoistic behavior among mostly Eastern Muslims but I don't think it's a problem in the West.
The true Muslim would not have an ego mentality; As the Prophet said; 'To each his own'. we should respect the faith of others.

Answer 6

Very true, I think we should learn from the Prophet whom sat with sinners, talked with them, listened to them, made peace, broke deals, ... etc and gained so many followers and supporters for his cause because of his humble attitude. Remember these verses when your ego is getting to you:

22. Thou art not one to manage (men's) affairs.

23. But if any turn away and reject Allah,-

24. Allah will punish him with a mighty Punishment,

25. For to Us will be their return;

26. Then it will be for Us to call them to account.

and also:

49:11 O ye who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others: It may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): Nor let some women laugh at others: It may be that the (latter are better than the (former): Nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: Ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, (to be used of one) after he has believed: And those who do not desist are (indeed) doing wrong.

May Allah (swt) guide us all to what He pleases.

Answer 7

I have found ALL marines from the lowest E2 to the O6 to have massive ego's. It is a problem because they do act like gods. (One marine once tried to correct me when I stated "you are not right all the time"- he responded by grabbing my arm hauling me out of my chair and out of the room of friends dining with us and proceeded to scream at me for a good 10 minutes about how "yes I am always right" and "you better get in line" etc.) Trust me when I say it doesn't matter if they are an idiot their connections and schooling (especially if they went to a military academy help the get promoted. The military does not promote on ability except the ability to kiss ****.

Answer 8

I personally believe that the ego, as part and parcel of the NaFS, is intimately connected with the shaitan. It is very difficult to survive in this world without an ego but I view it as an untamed dog that needs taming and discipline.

Imam Abu Hamid Al-Ghazzali said that human reality is as if four things in one:
wise man, devil, pig and dog; with pig representing sensuality, and dog representing hunger. He said the Philosophers say to go kill your pig and dog. Whereas Al-Ghazzali said: "If you kill your pig, how can you feel love? If you kill your dog, how can you gain your strength? You have to purify: transform your pig into your pure love, and your hunger into pure aspiration: power and strength, so that the pig and dog become your two wings to fly toward God".

This is in the Ihya al-Ulum al-Din (The Revival of Religious Sciences) of Abu Hamid Al-Ghazali.
refs:
http://www.ghazali.org/
http://www.sufism.org/society/articles/GoodAndEvil.htm

Being selfless in this world is very difficult but I think that mothers are perhaps generally naturally good at that, when putting their childrens needs above their own :) If every act done is viewed as an act of worship and for the betterment of someone else, such as family, rather than for the own self then this is one way to tame the ego I feel. This comes back round to intentions and intentions are everything in Islam. Being mindful is everything.

Salam.

Answer 9

Asalamualikum,

The only thing we could do is teach our brothers and sisters.. I have tried to do so.... others though they tend to ignore the truth and are arrogant..

We muslims should not think we are superious to others... no one is superiour to no one... we all are the same in the eyes of god.

Many muslims (especially teens these days) should go to mosques more.. and now that ramadan is on its way, we should try to get them to go to the masque.. help them read quran and b there for them so that they know that they must change.

Thats is all i can do i am not sure of others.. but inshallah you could do better...

Salaam

Answer 10

I think there can be a difference between arrogance and expecting more from others. Arrogance is bad.

Usually if you expect more from people they will rise to the occasion. If you expect less they will hardly reach for anything.

Answer 11

As salaamu 'alaikym warahmatullahi wabaraktuh, my friend.

Inhsa'Allah, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him, his family and his followers) taught us by his example to always place the needs of others before our own needs.
In the Sunna Hadiths, there are numerous stories that tell of a believer giving shelter to another, of going hungry so that another might eat and even of one being so charitable as to insist that others drink water first as he lay mortally wounded after a battle.
We also have the example of the Prophet (peace be upon him, his family and his followers) who literally gave the cloak off his back to another when asked for it, who gave away his herd of sheep and, who was always generous and forgiving even to those who had slandered him, killed his relatives, attemtped to kill him and who had violently opposed Islam.

Another teaching example that we may each have is our own families.
A father must think of every member of his family prior to considering his own needs. Has he provided for his wife, his children, his parents, the parents of his wife, has he taken care of any animals he may have in his care, etc.?
To do this, he must think of how he treats others outside of his home. Is he honest and hardworking for his employer, is he honest fair with his landlord, is he honest and fair in all of his business dealings, does he pay each debt promptly, is he generous and fair to those who are less fortunate than himself, etc.?

A wife, too has similar obligations to her husband, her children, her parents and her inlaws, to her neighbors, etc.
In Islam, she is allowed to own and operate a business is she so chooses and her obligations would be the same as those of her husband.

Children have obligations as to how they treat their parents, grandparents, teachers, other siblings, etc.

Insha'Allah, if one is busy tending to his or her ego, that one is not following the teachings of the Holy Qur'an nor those of the Last Prophet of Allah, Subhanna wa Ta'ala, Muhammad (peace be upon him, his family and his followers).

Insha'Allah, it may be helpful for one to realize that each person is interdependent on all other persons and on all else that exist (i.e., how could one exist if the sky did not exist, if the rivers and the ocean all dried up, if the sun stop shining, if he did not have both family and the ummah to help him as no man is truly self sufficient in all ways at all times?) So one comes to realize that he or she is part of all else that is due to the plan and Will of Allah, Subhanna wa Ta'ala.
One's wife is not other, she is a part of the same one. Ones children are not other, they are an extension of ones self and so on down to the lowliest beggar on the street (who is actually our equal in Islam, as well as our brother or our sister.)

Insh'Allah, Allah Subhanna wa Ta'ala has made all of life a wonderful parade of diversity and variety. He has made Islam as the religion for the whole world. Alhumdulilah! As Allah, Subhanna wa Ta'ala, has welcomed us into Islam so we must welcome all others, even making room for those who may hold different beliefs than we ourselves do. Isalam is the religion of peace, tolerance and love for all. Alhumdulilah!

As we have learned to be within our family, so we extend the same to the ummah and to all of the world. What we have practiced and learned at home is what we will practice and teach in the world. Insha'Allah, we must be honest to and with ourselves so that we can be so with all others.

Ma'a salaam.