How can i become more ruthless?

Question

I see myself as a "nice guy" and a very sensitive guy. Im to nice to people and they treat me like **** to be honest. Im sick of it, i want to become more ruthless with these people, thats the only way they will take me seriously, instead of laughing at everything i say, its come to the point where i feel stupid if i say anything, because they always take it as a joke. I feel like im going to hurt someone soon, but i dont want that. Any tips, advice, is very appreciated.

Answer 1

There is no easy, complete answer to the question, but here is some help.

When you are desperate to be taken seriously, your voice probably gets a little higher pitch. You may talk faster to get all your ideas across, and you may pause less so that it's harder for people to interrupt. These characteristics are detected by people who want to hurt you (bullies), manipulate you (salesmen), or avoid you (that cute girl who thinks you're a loser).

A common piece of advice is to "try to look more self-confident". But this is very difficult if you're not an expert actor. If you wave your fist around, but your voice becomes higher-pitched, people will conclude that you are bluffing, and will become more aggressive.

Most importantly, "acting" won't really solve to the problem.

Your problem is not just that you come across as a nice guy who is easily bullied; your problem is that you want the respect of these ***holes in the first place. However, by seeking their respect, you are playing their game by their rules, which makes them powerful. The more you seek their respect, the more power you give them. If you let them convert a nice guy into a ruthless jerk, then they will be powerful indeed. (And you will be about as powerless as you are now, since will be letting other people reshape and run your life.)

There are 2 ways to change the balance of power between you and the ***holes: you can make yourself more powerful, or you can make them less powerful. If you stop seeking their admiration, you've taken the first step towards making them less powerful.

Here are some other specific changes that you can make.

1) Money is power. If you can't afford to lose your job, then you have to put up with whatever your co-workers do to you, and do whatever your boss tells you (lie to the customer, gas the Jews, or whatever). If you save some money in a "rainy day" fund, then you have some power -- you can only be pushed so far before you'll quit.

2) Find a niche where your skills are useful. The skill doesn't have to be prestigious or flashy. I know of one company that had lots of smart managers and lots of meetings but didn't make progress. The low man on the totem pole gently steered the organization forward when he started writing detailed meeting minutes and included a list of action items for each person. He wasn't aggressive and bossy and he didn't tell people what to do -- he was just the guy who took detailed enough notes that people knew what to do each week.

3) If you really want to change your "style" (nice, sensitive), and if you've already taken the key step of truly not caring about the opinions of your harassers, then practice your new style by hanging out with people who don't already have preconceptions about you.

But don't focus on appearing more ruthless and less nice. Try to neither dominate nor be dominated. Listen to other people. I find that the people who are the most desperate to be listened to are sometimes also the worst listeners. Once they have the mic, they won't share it. This not only makes them appear desperate and weak to ***holes, but also makes them annoying to other nice guys (and gals). Communication is a 2-way street.


4) Help other nice people be successful. The world has many unmet needs and there are many opportunities to volunteer. Find a situation where nice people are trying to improve themselves (e.g. they want to learn first aid, learn English as a Second Language, or whatever), and then help those people. This will do 2 things: it will help make other nice people more successful (thus making the ***holes less powerful), and the people you help will probably admire you, which will make you feel better.


Finally, if you still want to become ruthless, then consider these:

1) People who want to become more ruthless or more wealthy put themselves on an endless treadill. The rich guys who have yachts are jealous of other rich guys who have even bigger yachts, and the many of the rich, famous, beautiful actresses are in drug rehab.

2) Although most people who get to the top of the pile are ruthless, that doesn't mean that most people who are ruthless get to the top of the pile. There aren't many slots at the top. Most ruthless people wind up as nobodies who desperately try to impress other people and who make themselves feel better by treating people like ****. (Sound familiar?)


I'm not saying that you should be satisfied at the bottom of the pecking order. Just make sure that your changes will really make you (and the rest of the world?) less unhappy. Consider putting your energy into helping other nice guys, rather than into becoming the kind of person you probably hate.

Answer 2

When I read the first part of your question I thought it was a joke and I had a funny answer for you. After I read the rest of your post, I realized that you're really troubled by this. I'm wondering how old you are. Back when I was younger, pretty much for my entire 20's, I felt the same way. I felt like the 'doormat-to-the-world'. I even felt like my family didn't take me seriously. I felt disregarded. Then, as I got older, I realized that people treated me exactly the way I allowed them to treat me. If you don't like they way someone treats you, then say so. If they think it's a joke, tell them again. You may have to cut ties with some people. I did.

Since you've expressed that you feel like you might hurt someone, you need to talk to a therapist or counselor about your anger. You might have every right to feel angry, but you have to get control over it, or your problems will get worse, not better. You can overcome these feelings. Just be smart enough to ask for help.

Answer 3

I would tell you to stop worrying about it. Suck it up and start being a man. The world owes you nothing and you don't owe it to anyone to get walked on (unless you're into that kind of stuff). So you hurt someone? Do they care when they are laughing at you? This is life, you will inevitably hurt someone even if you don't know it.

You don't need to become ruthless but you do need to stop being a doormat and take care of number one. Sensitive guys are great in the movies but tend to get very boring after the thrill wears off. Women want a "real" man or they might as well date another woman. Crying when Old Yeller gets killed is one thing but whining like Michael Jackson is another.

Look, was my statement ruthless? Maybe, but you can be nice yet maintain dignity as well. Start standing up for yourself and prove that you're "sick of it". You are the guy that can make the change, none of us can do it for you. Life only happens once that we know of so get out there and start living it to the fullest!

Answer 4

Don't become ruthless. History has crapped a ton of ruthless people into our lives. I have been a nice guy all my life, and stepped on because of it. I have felt anger and frustration. As I got older, however, I realized that I wasn't speaking my mind. I was saying what I thought other people wanted to hear. They could sense my weakness and made use of it. Listen to yourself more. Find out where your convictions lie. Stand up for what you believe in. People will respect you if they know where you are coming from. You don't have to become an alpha male wast-hole to do this.

Answer 5

Stop! Don't! Please don't let the evil people of the world turn you into an evil person. That shows incredible weakness of character. That's how everybody becomes evil. They think that turning into a jerk is the only way to gain respect.

How do you gain respect? Instead of worrying about others respecting you, learn to respect yourself. That's truly the only respect that matters.

There is every kind of person in this world. There will always be jerks who make fun of you for believing in yourself. Those people are weak-minded idiots who usually became jerks because they themselves are broken-hearted. There are many more people who are good hearted and who will respect you for respecting yourself. People admire self-confidence. Turning into a jerk is the biggest sign of insecurity. Learning how to tollerate and dismiss the pointless abuse that life dishes out is the greatest sign of strength. Ruthlesness is weakness in disguise.

The world needs more nice people and fewer jerks. Don't deprive us!

If you feel like hurting people, seek counseling. Therapy works.

Answer 6

come on now its just not your character to be like that.. ruthless and heartless... you were born compassionate and caring and letting people be aware of that shouldnt be punishment for you.. if they share the same intentions as you when going into the realationship they would treat you with the same... by being compasionate and caring.. people who cant respect you and have never been given compassion and care treat others the way they were taught be treated by walking all over others which is WRONG! Set an example and try to show them how.. I suggets before getting into any relationship getting to know the person who you can potentially see yourself dating before you jump into anthing cus when you do then they think they can walk all over you automatically you put them in controll becuase there the ones that asked you out and you acepeted so there showing you the way.. and by tha "walking all over you" now im not saying ask every guy who your interested in so u can do the same lol im saying that when a guy does ask you out get to know them tell them how bout we get to know eachother first .. and see how it goes.. the minute you start seeing sings of bossyness and controlingness leave because thats a sign they will walk all over you. All you need to do is change the way you enter into a relationship.. get to know them first then.. if you like how they are then proceed.. that way your not getting walked over on.. its having it your way! hope you listen to me best of wishes kesha!

Answer 7

The next time your are amidst a well-intending group of friends who are laughing at your good nature, walk up and clock one of them as hard as you can and then walk away without looking back.

Another way to be ruthless is to stay away from ruth!

Oh, and throw cats at people!

Answer 8

Don't drag yourself down to their level.
F%&$ them! Be yourself.
There's enough SOB's in this wourld without you becoming another one,. Be yourself, if being a nice guy is being yourself, then be a nice guy. It's easier to live with yourself.
I see no need or purpose in treating you like a piece of s$&%!
Repeat after me. I AM NOT A PIECE OF S#@#$! OK?
Enjoy the weekend.enjoy it with some other nice people.

Answer 9

You are not a loser as far as your explanation is read. You are who you are, and you are more than a nice guy. Keeping your gentleman behavior might take sometimes, and you might not want that to last any longer. I know that.

They are not doing their jobs well, instead they are wasting their precious time joking around your busy times. Your friends should know that. They should be fine when you show them my advice.

Answer 10

Ignore them I suppose I kinda know what you mean I mean I always act nice and I'm usually too timid to make rude remarks back to people when they make a joke out of something I say.... what I did was just have my friends which are defiantly not timid back me up and I ignored them... hope this helps