Hi everyone I need some relationship advice? What to do?

Question

Hi everyone I am in a very conflicting situation. I have been going out with this guy Paul for 4 months now. We hit it off really good and it started in an intensely sexual way. However he has had an ex/gf on the side and lately he says they are seeing one another once again. However paul and i have still been going out with one another, but under discrete terms, it involves us going like 30 miles out of town.

He tells me all about his ex, when he's with her so he can be with me, but he says never ever does he tell his ex/gf about me. Paul and me always have a good time with one another, watching a movie, going to dinner, cuddling , sex etc. The thing is i am falling for him really badly lately. I was hurt when he told me this news , yet we still do the same things. His ex is also not a very attractive person (at least i dont think most guys would think she is)- Paul says he really likes how i look and it all started with his attraction. I don't know what to do, I really love him??

Answer 1

Holy crap...what a mess! So much drama for no good reason.

This guys no good for you. He's already established himself as a cheater. How many women are gonna keep wasting there time with lying, cheating men!!!????

Move on. You won't regret it. I guarantee you he'll turn around and cheat on you once your "newness" wears off.

But I imagine you'll continue these unhealthy relationships. Why do I get the feeling your that type who just settles for anyone instead of an exceptional one?

You'll get what you settle for in the end. Just don't say nobody didn't tell you otherwise.

Answer 2

Girl, it is one thing to openly date 2 or more people at the same time...that kool as long as everyone involved is in the know. But as soon as he started seeing her again, and didnt tell her about you, but told you about her, well sweeting there is no other way to put this....you are the "other woman". The one he keeps on the side and sneaks around to see. A person will NOT tell the one he is REALLY interested in about another romantic involvement, for fear of loosing that person.
Now if you were just in this because of the great sex, I would say fine, keep going like it has and enjoy yourself. But you said you were starting to fall for this guy, and if you are, you are just going to get hurt really badly if you dont put an end to it now.
If you cant bring yourself to cut if off yet, try telling him how you feel, and tell him that if he wants to keep seeing you then he has to be completely honest with all parties involved. Including the ex he is seeing again. And tell him that all the sneaking around is going to stop. That you are better than a piece of meat and deserve to be treated with respect. (Because right now, he isnt treating you with respect keeping you as his part-time side line girl)
Sweetie, you have got to respect yourself before anyone else ever will. Do you think you deserve to be treated like this? If not, do something about it.
*side note.....if you do want to get back at him, you could always go to the ex gf he is seeing now. But that is only if he hurts you.

Answer 3

I think you are confusing love and lust and also a little bit of jealousy.Your so-called romance with Paul was a sexual one from the outset and has remained so for the 4months you have been together. You have accommodated him in every way to keep the sex going ,something you now call love because he tells you of his girlfriend( his former ex) but does not tell her about you.You even cast aspersions on this girl just because you're jealous and to convince yourself you love Paul. Paul has everything going his way and has no reason to want to change anything.He was at least honest with you, telling you the truth about his love affair with the two of you.Your course of action is very clear:if you have any respect for yourself, any self-love, believe you are important and deserve better, and not willing to sacrifice your self esteem and integrity for sex,then you will say good bye to Paul.Everything you currently have with, and enjoy with Paul, can be had with another man who will respect you and want to be with you alone;and not just see you as a sex object or sex toy. I hope you make the right decision for you and not for Paul.

Answer 4

You sound very young. There is so much more to love then looks. This guy is playing you and probably doing the same thing to his ex. Grow up and get rid of this guy. Love is not supposed to hurt or cheat on you. If this guy loved you, his ex would not be part the equation with you. He has a lot to learn in how to treat a woman. Are you a woman??????? You sound a bit insecure and all about your looks.

Answer 5

Easy answer on this one. Stop putting out. Then you'll find out if you are just being used or if he truly cares and respects you.

This guy is a jerk. It's the same old tired cliche: he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He's giving you a bunch of baloney and you WANT to believe it. You say you think he never tells his ex/gf about you. Why should he? He's stringing both of you along!

You will never have better if you don't demand and expect it for yourself.

Answer 6

I think that you need to back out of this so called "relationship" He has the best of both worlds and I personally think he is stringing you along.
Would he still be interested in you if there was no sex what so ever??????
I personally would want to date some one and not HAVE TO DRIVE 30 MILES OUT OF THE WAY SO THAT YOU CAN SEE ONE ANOTHER!!!! That is stupid in my opinion.
You deserve someone who will give his heart to you alone!!!!!
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 7

this guy sounds like a jerk ... hes playing 2 girls at the same time. not the kind of guy someone should be falling in love with. did you ever consider he was just using you for the sexual benifits?? its a possibility since he doesnt mention you to his ex., take you out of town to go out as if he doesnt want to be seen with you, and he obviously is feeling something for his ex since hes talking about her during the times you guys are hanging out. this situation is not fair. i suggest you confront him on how you feel and move on. you deserve better... some guy who appreciates you and devotes all his time to you... not to another girl.

Answer 8

u know what i think... i think that he and his ex are not ex... tehy're seeing each other which is the reason y he's always going out 30miles just 2b with u... don't u think theres something fishy going on??? y can't he just leave his ex if its really his ex... can't u sense anything??? or is it bcuz ur 2 much engross with him that u don't wan2 sense this... i think u better look at things the realistic way... ask all those questions to urself... is he really being truthful to u about his ex??? so u better assess ur relationship with this guy... so y don't u get real with him and ask him to spill out everthing... and not to take u as a fool...

Answer 9

Time for a self-esteem check! Try reading the following:

Understanding Your Motivation in Relationships:
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-understanding-your-motivation.html

Recognizing Patterns In Your Relatinships:
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-recognizing-patterns.html

Then, you must ask how he is benefiting from this situation. Need I remind you that multiple partners is a serious health issue too?

For more free relationship advice from a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marriage therapy, visit http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice

Answer 10

He's telling you about her and is hiding you from her. I'm sorry but he has made his choice and right now you are letting him have his cake and eat it too. Do yourself a favor and walk away before you get hurt too bad. I'm sorry this has happened to you. There are good, loyal men out there; you just need to keep looking.