When will you stop lying to yourself and start to worship?

Question

You can pretend all you want but you know deep in your heart the prophet juan valdez(pbuh) brought us salvation by introducing us to the almighty coffee bean. Those of you who falsely worship juan valdez as a god instead of a prophet are still allowed into caffeinated bliss, but those who deny its power will suffer eternal sleepiness.

Yes, first answerer who I can't remember due to a caffeinated delusional state brought on through communion with our lord, but what started all of that was the singularly roasted bean percolating itself into what we know as the universe.

No taewan, you're like a roman pagan to my greek pagan.

madnoelle the almighty bean says he will hearden the hearts of nonbelievers and turn their stomach so that they will be unable to accept him

Evessheild777, worship the almighty bean, the creator of this universe, communion with the bean brings a heightened awareness of your surroundings and gives you the upper hand when dealing with nonbeleivers.

Answer 1

If your bean is so powerful, why does it need fire to taste good? Who wants a drink that burns my tongue?

Doesn't your bean know that hot fluids is called Soup? Go to cooking school! I hate when amateurs try to tell professional chefs how to cook!

Answer 2

So if your not supposed to worship juan valdez, because he's only a prophet then who, in your opinion should we start worshipping?

*edit: Oh... the coffee beans... brilliant.

Answer 3

I dont Idolize Juan Valdez, But I do thank him

Answer 4

While I am certainly grateful to Senor Valdez, I am much more appreciative of the poor nameless African shepherd who noticed how lively his charges got after eating those beans!

Answer 5

Juan Valdez and the three amigos.

Answer 6

Sorry, I turned my back on Coffee a long time ago...so I guess I'll be sleepy for all eternity...not too bad compared to the Christian damnation...

Answer 7

In the beginning, we were all frogs. FROGS are all the existed. One day, the frogs all decided their lives were meaningless, (these frogs were signifigantly smarter than common day humans), so they all went to the burning acid pits. Upon throwing themselves into the acid pits, they did not die. They wanted to die, but they did not. They instead mutated into what we would now consider 'monkeys'. These monkeys were signifigantly dumber than before, flinging poop at each other.

These monkeys were common to live lives of 9 thousand years or more. Well after three generations of these 'monkeys', they devided. One group of monkeys led by LOTHANOX, the other led by ETHPION, (there were only capital letters at this time. ) the monkey leaders devided the monkey clans, and set war on each other. The top witch doctors of the ETHPION tribe, captured the LOTHANOX tribe. Every single LOTHANOXIAN was captured, and the witch doctors performed their black magic on them, turning them into ...HUMANS!...This is why we still have humans, and we still have Monkeys. EVERY Xian can understand this, it's all very clear. I just explained Evolution, and I dare you to prove the Biblical version is any more plausible

Answer 8

Somehow this seems to be in the wrong folder.

You make me want to stop drinking coffee for a month.

Answer 9

I have a bad reaction when I drink caffeinated coffee. Does that mean he hates me or I'm just not one of his 'chosen ones'?

Answer 10

Didn't your prophet Valdez tell you to switch to decaf?