It's been hard to stay positive about this!!?

Question

It's been over a month since me and my bf of 2 years split. I'm 8 1/2 mos preggo and I'm doing fine. He did a lot of horrible things to me while we were together and I know I should have got out earlier. I'm thrilled about my preggo, I'm 34 healthy, great job, never depended on him. Every now and then I cry b/c I did love him so much and it kills me sometimes that he has just cut himself off from me and a baby that he wanted. I just wanted to make him happy. I know life will be better w/o him as he is immature (he's 32) irresponsible to me and has lied and been abusive as well, plus he admitted he had a another gf when I was 6 1/2 mos preggo. My heart is just torn and I am doing everything I can to get thru this. Why would someone do this to another person who loves them. I have always been very confident and I still am. It's amazing how one person can make you feel like this. I can't wait for my baby to be here, it's just hard going it alone.

Answer 1

Love can be blind. Face up to the fact this guy is a looser. Get a support order for the child, once it's born, and move on. If he doesn't want to be a part of his child's life, you can't make him. You can only make him help support it.

You deserve much better. Find a guy that really loves you and be happy for a change, instead of trying to make him happy so he'll love you.

Good Luck :-)

Answer 2

I would love to be able to tell you that it will get easier, but it will actually become harder. Especially when you meet a milestone with the baby and have no one to share the special moment with. Some people are just so selfish that they are able to do things like that with no problem with it whatsoever. It takes a sorry human being to abandon a pregnant partner and an unborn child as well. He will likely be a deadbeat father as well, so get used to that fact. But you will have the most wonderful joy you have ever experienced when you come to know the child you have been carrying and caring for for so long already. It will make it WELL worth all of the pain you have been through. You will learn new things about yourself, and you will grow and see things that you never knew existed. It really is an amazing experience that will make you feel the best that you ever have or ever thought was possible. Just remember that you have everything to gain, and all he will have is loss. He will go downhill in life the more time passes him by. You would think that a 32 year old would be more responsible than that though. It is just selfish, immature, and worthless.

Answer 3

Remember the examples around you are things you want to avoid. And that your life does NOT have to be that way. Try to find some friends that are more like who you want to be or currently are. Join some clubs in school, like the debate team. Basically ones that college-bound kids join. And get away to a different environment as soon as you can. Apply to colleges and try to get enough scholarships and financial aid to live at the school. State schools can be a great financial choice. This will be a chance to choose to associate with a different group of people. Put alot of effort into your college applications, and get alot of help (from teachers you respect) with your essay. Tell a really good story - very upbeat - about how dedicated you are to getting an education. Don't make it too much of a sob story. Just quick reasons why you learned how important educatoin is, how much you are dedicated to getting a college degree. Good luck! Sounds like you may have a difficult road ahead, don't give up. You can be an inspiration to others.

Answer 4

You are way more sensitive and prone to think of these things during pregnancy. Keeping him completely out of your life is the right thing to do. Think about how his lies, self-centeredness and mental cruelty affected you and how much worse it would hurt a small child for his parent to do that. You two are much better off without him and when the baby is here you are going to be soooo glad!! Until then, keep your mind busy with the statistics of how much better a chance an adult has with a stable childhood rather than having an unstable jerk lurking around.

You two are worth someone who will love you enough to be stable and you'll have that too, just remember that and when baby is born look into that sweet little face and it'll be easier to remember that you both deserve it. Just be tough and hold out for the best and that's what you will have!!

Congratulations on being a Mom, it's a very tough and amazingly rewarding job! (I'm a mom)

Answer 5

Right now your hormones are probably running riot. Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal given the situation. You are bound to hurt over the loss of your boyfriend. While your decision sounds like it was the right one it's not odd that you still feel bad that it couldn't have worked out, especially with a baby on the way. Once you have the baby you will be too busy taking care of and loving your child to give him much thought. The pain eases after a while.

Answer 6

Sorry for what your going thru, Am glad that you are strong en courageous. it takes two people to make a mistake. Personally i believe this guy had an inferiority complex within him en i think thats why he started behaving in a wiered way. the fact that yo older , en financially able than him made him feel small, factor that makes most men behave in a wiered way. Men like prestige ne building their ego.

En somewhere you must have messed up also. May be you must have mentioned something accidently that hurt him (might be so small but can cut deep inside).
En the fact that yo well , you might have tried to show him that yo above him. So many stuff but check yo self improve or corect yo mistakes if any such that next time yo dont get hurt

Answer 7

yes, it is hard being a single mother, but it's not the end of the world. the pain will subside eventually, and you will carry on. if his name is not on the birth certificate, which he has to sign (where I live) if you are not married, there is nothing he can do about being a part of his child's life without taking you to court if you want to having nothing further to do with him. you have the choice of raising your child alone, making the decisions you choose to make, without involving him if you so choose. also, you say that he was abusive to you, but would you want that for your baby? no, you wouldn't. now is the time for you to make a fresh start for you and the miracle growing inside you. don't let this get in the way of your happiness over the impending birth of your child, and raising her the way you want.

I can't give you the reasons why he would do this, other than immaturity and stupidity. but you will get past this. this is a breakup and it's hard. but like every one before, you will get past it. and you have the joy of motherhood to look forward to. your child can't miss what she never had in the first place. at least you don't have to share her. (my asshole ex died earlier in the year, and I'm thankful I don't have to consult him on my choices for our daughter anymore. he was never there for her anyway! and she's too young to remember him. we split not long after her first birthday.) you don't have to dread the weekends away, wonder what he's doing or not doing for her, or worry about the dreaded stepmother. it's hard to be a single mother, but you've got it easy now, as far as the ex is concerned. count your blessings, celebrate the birth of your child, and raise her the way you want. good luck!

Answer 8

well dear you will be ok you have a positive attitude. alot of people are like that he is a dog and you don't need him but you are connected to him forever just stay smart and dont ever take him back down the road you will be better off just wait you'll see what i am talking about i ran into an ex after many years last week i loved him more that i loved my self and he treated me like crap but i was always there he cheated a million times and i always was still there fighting with the girls for him he wasnt worth is now to tell you where i saw him at the local fair he was working for the carnival and has absolutely nothing no house no car no real job and was dirty and fat and missing teeth yuck but see people get what they have soming to him and you are better off dear you will be fine and someday you will meeet a good man who will love you and may fall in love with your child to so think positive and hold your head up good luck and god bless

Answer 9

This man used you in a cruel way and I feel very sorry for you and I hope you will get through this tough time in your life.

To help yourself stay with a friend or family member during this time. This is should be one of the most happiest times of your life. Find somebody you trust and talk to them. Get out and do things with friends and family to heep your mind of the way he left you and the baby. Also try to find a father figure for your child. Maybe a brother or uncle or father or something. Try your best to be happy and give this baby a happy and loving home!

Answer 10

Let it go.

You're incredibly lucky to be self-sufficient. Try to prepare to be a normal parent and not smother this child with your unhealthy obsession with its father.

Take some parenting classes, enjoy your pregnancy--I was much happier while expecting because I knew how grueling it would be caring for a newborn.

If you don't know how to count your blessings and prepare for the future instead of crying over a lost situation, you will make your own self (and your new baby) have a miserable life.