When you let a child "cry itself to sleep", are you showing that child that nobody cares?

Question

Isn't this notion of "just let the baby cry" an insensitive, lazy approach to parenting?

Answer 1

Not babies crying themselves to sleep i dont care what they say about teaching the child to self soothe it self that is showing neglect in my book, my 6 yr old hates bedtime for school and he cries and carries on for quite awhile every nite but he is within listening and he is within eye shot and we tell him we love him and he knows that and goes to sleep he just wants up and playing and it wont happen but with a baby there is a reason they are crying and dont just let them cry that isnt right...

Answer 2

I have 2 children 13 yrs apart and they are now 3 and 16 yrs old. My pediatrician told me not to do it when my oldest was a baby and if I felt I should try it to make sure she cried no more than 2 minutes. My son was born prematurely and I was told not to do it at all under any circumstances with him.

I never did, thy both around 12 months went through a period of wanting to wake up to play in the middle of the night and I set up a cot near their cribs and after a week with my daughter and 2 weeks with my son when they would wake up I would make believe that I was sleeping they learned that it was sleep time.

No crying and no disrupting Daddy.

The notion of you have to let a baby cry is so old fashioned/out dated and wrong. They have proven that the more a baby cries the easier it is for them to be likely to get high blood pressure when they grow up as well as other anxiety disorders.

Neither of my children cried unless there was a serious reason and neither are spoiled they just know that when they need me or Dad we will be there for them. They have security and feel safe in our home.

Answer 3

I don't think it is necessarily a lazy, insensitive approach to parenting, but it depends on the parents and their motives. It also depends on the baby. People do what works for themselves.
Personally, I like to try and nurse my nine month old to sleep, or facilitate a cry-free bedtime, but it just doesn't work for him. He's a high energy go-getter and doesn't like to stop for anything. I am forced to let him "cry-it-out" so that he will sleep. I hate it, and it breaks my heart.

Check out a book called: "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" -- Weisbluth I think is the author's name
Such as in my case, some babies only get stimulated by having someone there and can't fall asleep. If they become overtired, it makes the care-givers' and their own lives miserable and takes away from their learning/enjoyment potential while awake.

Answer 4

I think it's the responsibility of every parent to make sure the child feels secure. Leaving a child to cry relentlessly is adding to the insecurity of the child. I believe that the parent should practice laying down with the child, reading a bedtime story, praying with the child and holding them close until they fall asleep. Then put them in their bed. That creates a very secure child. Then as they get older and feel secure they will just go to bed on their own. A child can never feel too loved or too secure. I have use this method as a parent and the secure child that resulted was well worth the extra time spent.

Answer 5

There are two sides to this....

If you let the baby cry it out for a few nights, they will learn to go to sleep on their own and be less needy when it comes to bedtime. This is better, I believe, for the child and the parents.

The other extreme is that you run in everytime you hear a peep. The baby learns quickly that whenever they want you to come in and cuddle and play with them, they can just cry. And that is the baby controlling the situation instead of the parent. This leads to sleepless nights, difficulty weaning, difficulty sleeping in their own bed, and a whole host of other problems.

I know it may seem insensitive, but you don't let the baby scream for hours. You go in every 10 mins or so to make sure they are ok, then lay them back down.

Babies cry, it's how they communicate, and it is up to the parents to decide what they do when the baby cries when you lay them down.

For me, we let him cry it out at 6 months, and he has slept through the night ever since. Best thing we ever did. And it only took a few days for him to learn the new behavior.

Hope this helps! :-)

Answer 6

I do not and have never believed in letting a child "cry itself to sleep".

I will repeat verbatim a question, and my answer which I published in the August Issue of the Moms Home Safety Ezine:

What is Sleep Training?

This, to my mind, is a rather unpleasant practice. A baby or toddler is left to cry and scream itself into exhausted sleep, night after night, until he or she just doesn’t bother to cry any more (the child now “knows” that he or she will be ignored), whilst the parents blissfully believe that their infant is now sleeping through.

Personally I believe that this practice must surely lead to psychological problems, related to rejection, later in life.

Your child deserves to be made to feel secure and loved at all times, even during those exhausting nights when he or she wakes up several times a night for no apparent reason

PS: My eldest son did not sleep through until he was five years old. My daughter was born when he was three, and his younger brother was born when he was five; as a result, I only averaged about four hours sleep a night for a total of seven years. It didn’t cause me any harm, but it did provide my children with lasting security (I worked full-time as well).

I hope that this answers your question

Look after yourself and be safe
Sandy
http://www.moms-home-safety.com

Answer 7

Actually, sometimes when a child is overstimulated it cries as a way to tell mom to leave them alone, they are done playing and ready to sleep. While it is preferable to not have your child cry to sleep, it is sometimes a needed learning tool.

Even books who site studies saying that crying causes emotional damage will tell you that this happens only after repeated bouts of prolonged crying throughout childhood. Allowing your child to cry to sleep for a few days so that they learn to self sooth is not insensitive or lazy. It is actually much easier to let your child crawl into bed with you, or rock them to sleep, which is why so many 5 year olds have 3 hour bedtime routines and do not get enough sleep.....which by the way leads to behavior problems and learning delays.

I am not saying that you have to let your child cry to sleep. But you do have to help your child learn to self sooth, and this is a tool that works, and works quickly for many children.

Answer 8

No it is not insensitive, or lazy. With that said, most infants under 3months are not capable of soothing themselves. You might also keep in mind that the physical and mental state of a parent has a HUGE impact on the security and attatchment of a child. If you as a parent are walking around in a sleep-deprived stupor, you are no help to your baby, and they know it. Babies who can self-soothe are calmer, more relaxed and all around less fussy. If done correctly, it can be a blessing. Maybe you should actually read up on this particular parenting method before making snap judgements. I believe it's called the Ferber Method.

Answer 9

For the first couple of months its best to respond as quickly as possible to their cries. You need to do this so they learn they can trust you. Babies go through a phase where they think once you leave that you will never come back again. (Separation anxiety)

All babies will cry even w/ all their needs have been met. As they get older I feel its okay to let them cry for awhile. After ten minutes or so, go into their room and reassure them by patting them on the back or singing a song then leave again.

You are the parent and you know whats best for your little one!

Answer 10

I would not call it lazy parenting, maybe misguided. People seem to think that babies need to learn how to "self-sooth", that it is their job to make them learn to be independent. While it seems like a good idea, it is really flawed. Forcing a child to be independent will only make that independence unstable. Allowing a child to find its own soothing tactics on its own, and allowing a child to discover its independence on its own allows that child to be more secure in their independence.
People are so focused on making a child grown up way to fast. I nurse and rock my 9 month old to sleep every night(and during the day to). My 3 year old sleeps in bed with us and we cuddle and sing him to sleep. We are perfectly happy and feel this is the best way to raise our children and that they will be more healthy and secure emotionally in the long run.
*And the idea that it strengthens their lungs is a proven myth...its sad that people still think that!